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Parenting

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Original poster

Keep crying at the thought of sending my baby to nursery

53 replies

RaeSunjet · 24/05/2025 21:50

I've been crying on and off for 3 days now- my 7 month old baby doesn't love a busy environment, only likes small quiet baby classes, is very attached to me and I feel this sick feeling in my stomach about separating us and leaving him at nursery. It's not until end of Sept but it's 3 days, 9 hours - I think it'a too much for a baby, I wish so much I could wait until he was 2 or 3.

Could I please have honest thoughts/experiences from people that have sent their 11 months old baby to nursery?

OP posts:

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ThreenagerCentral · 02/06/2025 11:43

I was lucky that my workplace had a creche downstairs. Whenever I wanted to see my son, I would pop down. No issue with employer because I was still breastfeeding which meant they had to give me a private space to pump and time to do it… so I skipped the pump and just fed him directly. I know this doesn’t help you, but I wish more workplaces could provide this. I was extremely lucky.

Chewbecca · 02/06/2025 11:43

I cried buckets when my DS went to nursery at 12 months, I seriously looked into whether we could manage without my income.
I am so glad I went back to work though, nursery was very good for him, and actually my two days at work really made me even more appreciate my time at home.
I only worked 2 days a week until school though so it was a lovely balance.
I now have retired early, this wouldn't have been possible had I not returned to work at that point and I am sooooo glad I returned.

LaVitesse2022 · 25/09/2025 17:17

Indigopetal · 02/06/2025 11:15

I'm a big fan of alloparenting and I find nursery for me fits into this. It always seems to be banded about that it's natural for children to only solely be with their mums 24/7 when in fact evolutionary biologists have said differently and that traditionally children have always been looked after by a range of caregivers, sometimes up to 40% of the time and even now in some cultures children and babies can have up to several caregivers a day. This was so women could go rest and seek food and for me going out to work while my son spends 3 days a week with peers is an extension of this.

I can understand being nervous and anxious about your child going to nursery but I think here is the worst place to ask as it's only mumsnet the mere mention of a young child going to nursery seems to induce hysterical hand wringing about it and I think it just makes the anxiety worse for parents. Only on MN would someone use an example of an a-level psychology textbook to shame a parent into not using nursery.

The reality is myself and every other mum I know has has had their child in nursery for at least 3 days before their first birthday. I can't think of a single parent that hasn't used nursery and all our children are happy, thriving, loving and secure with absolutey none of the behavioural or attachment issues people on here would believe would happen. I have friends who are doctors and nurses and I work in social work and even those who work in children's social work and child protection use nurseries. So if professionals who have a vested interest in child development and safety use them then I really have no concern and I'm a massive fan of the nursery my son goes to and the same goes for other parents too I know.

Excellent reflection. I couldn't agree more with it.

This recent obsession with children having one single caregiver who is with them 24/7 is very unhelpful and puts a lot of pressure on mothers. It was also never the case in our evolutionary past. There was never a point when babies had the undivided attention of a single person in their infancy, they were raised by mother and a combination of extended relatives, other members of the group, older siblings and other children. We're a social species, it was never just on the mother to raise her baby.

Personally, the overriding feeling when my baby started at nursery around 9 months old was one of relief that their social network (and ours) was extending, that the people who were involved in their care was increasing. I experienced that as some weight lifting off my shoulders from the additional support we were getting, having no extended family around. It's great that they're being exposed to more people who will care for them and indeed my child developed strong bonds with each key worker and my heart warms seeing them running into their arms each morning - and to mine or dad's when we collect them.

You can recognise your feelings, check what options are there, and assess what would be best for all family. As you can see from the varied responses here, people opt for different things and it all turns out all right.

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