Keep crying at the thought of sending my baby to nursery

[RaeSunjet]

I've been crying on and off for 3 days now- my 7 month old baby doesn't love a busy environment, only likes small quiet baby classes, is very attached to me and I feel this sick feeling in my stomach about separating us and leaving him at nursery. It's not until end of Sept but it's 3 days, 9 hours - I think it'a too much for a baby, I wish so much I could wait until he was 2 or 3.

Could I please have honest thoughts/experiences from people that have sent their 11 months old baby to nursery?

It’ll be fine. A lot will change by September.

Or you could consider a childminder.

I don’t have any advice for you as I sent mine at an older age but I just wanted to acknowledge your feelings and how normal they are ❤️ We have normalised separating babies from parents in our society but your feelings are just showing you how not normal it is for all involved. There is nothing wrong with how you feel x

My heart goes out to you OP, how you feel is completely understandable. Society/the government are obsessed with promoting separation between babies and mothers at increasingly younger ages by their endless promotion of free childcare hours because they basically want double the tax off Mums and Dads within a family, it has absolutely nothing to do with what us best for babies or mothers. The amount of threads I read on here about babies and toddlers becoming so frequently and severely unwell has done nothing but further convince me that putting lots of young babies together en masse is damaging to their health. Babies crave attachment to 1 secure person, usually Mum, however inconvenient that may to to some.

Being completely honest, I could never have left mine that young unless I was on my own, with no Mum of my own to help and was about to lose my home. I would have done anything to make cutbacks to stay at home with my baby. If that’s out of the question financially, a family member or childminder may be a better fit for you.

Both of mine were at home with me until the term after their third birthdays, and only then did 3 hours in the morning before school. This felt like the right time, they were old enough to have proper conversations about it, so the transition went well. I felt much more comfortable being able to explain that I would be coming back, they understood that.

Your feelings are completely valid, sorry to hear how upset you are feeling and hope you feel better soon whatever happens.

I cut my mat leave short with my youngest and they went to nursery from 10 months old, 3 days per week. Honestly it's been so, so good for my DC development. It did take both of mine a while to settle but now my youngest loves it. I do not feel guilty at all as it was the best option for us. I honestly think if I had stayed at home with my DC it would have been detrimental all round.

My baby (12m) has just gone to three days a week at nursery. Absolutely has an awesome time and is delighted to see me/Dad at pickup. They do lots and lots of messy play at nursery, more than I would be willing and able to do.

Once your baby gets older, you will see that they are really interested in other children their age: looking, pointing, crawling to them. I don't feel baby about giving my baby time in an environment full of other babies the same age.

Oh OP, I hear you. My almost 1 year old DD starts nursery in a couple of weeks. She will be going two days a week. I feel so incredibly guilty and it feels so wrong and unnatural to be leaving her. I wish I could just take care of her until she's maybe 3.

I'm sure our babies will be just fine though. There are positives, such as being around other children, and lots of fun play, but it doesn't make it hurt less.

Could you not use a childminder or a nanny share?

Your feelings are valid. I left my dd at nursery 2 days a week from 11 months & I’m convinced she benefited hugely from nursery. Her nursery workers were lovely & she loved playing with the other children. There are positives, but if you can try to go at a speed that feels right for you.

Oh I know, after the introduction morning left in tears when DC was 17 months old.

Had to go back to work 3 days a week and no other option for anyone to help.

However it was completely fine, well cared for, the moment DC saw me, crawled over with a happy smile, photos playing, eating, taken out to parks etc.

It's only part of their time, they still have you the rest and majority of the time, meanwhile the experience of other adults and kids to play with when they get a bit older.

So many activities for them, also teaching input, prob much more than we could give.

Please just see how it goes, it's hard I know, but gets easier. Xxx

Mine was 10.5 months when she went and she's gained so much from nursery (going to school this year!). It worked for us as a family, but it sounds like a different setting might be better for you with how you're feeling, e.g., childminder or nanny share?

I can understand your anxieties OP, but the end of September is a long way away. Think how much your baby has changed in the last 4 months - he 'll change a lot in the next four too.
It is difficult at first. I was distraught when I first went back to work when my eldest was 10 months old and I wasn't that much better the first timecI left my youngest to be honest. But it was fine really and we all adapted pretty quickly to the new routine. Most Mums feel this way and most of us cope OK once we get into the swing of things. The best advice I can give us to try to focus on the positives and to enjoy the remainder of your maternity leave. Try not to invest too much time and energy on worrying and remember that your little boy will have developed a lot by the time he starts in nursery.

I sort of agree with you that it’s too much. I’m sorry, I hate saying that but it’s what I thought with my little ones too.
It is really hard.

It's tough. My son's 9 month and been going for a couple of months now. Usually only 3 hours a week. He loves it though, that's the only thing that gets me through. We also have an app where they upload everything so that helps alot. I don't have any real advice except hopefully baby enjoys going and this will give you some peace of mind. Not sure what your nurserys like but at mine they have a baby room until they're confident walkers so a good while yet, it's a small room and away from the older kids so it's quiet. Do you have settling in days?

@MeganM3 no, I appreciate the honesty, I wholeheartedly agree

@ZebraPrintt yes they do have settling in days. There's not many though. Thank you for your reply x

@MrsAvocet yeah I'm really trying not to ruin the rest of my maternity leave worrying about it, want to make the most of our time together!

I’m not sure the pearl clutching is fantastically helpful to the OP.

Anyway OP your feelings are valid, although most babies are fine in nursery - the thought is likely worse than the reality.

It does sound like a childminder might suit you better though, can you look at that?

@OutandAboutMum1821 thank you for your reply, I agree with everything you said , I feel it's incredibly sad that society has gone this way and that it's the norm. Wish I could run away with him into the sunset! At least until he's a little older 😢 I never realised until I had my baby!

DT’s started full time nursery at six months old (normal maternity leave then). They had no difficulties settling into the routine and loved seeing their key workers each morning. They stayed at the same nursery until they started school - it had lovely facilities, well trained staff with a low turnover. Two of the staff became our weekly babysitters
I didn’t need to return to work financially but wanted to as I enjoyed my career and the opportunities.

Of course it’s helpful- Nursery is one option among many, it’s not a must. Mothers should hear from mothers who opt out of using them and why, given all of the societal brainwashing is to use them.

Its the same for those who choose to home educate- I don’t, but absolutely good on those who choose to, I find it refreshing to hear their varied reasons why.

Nursery is fine, but in all honesty not the best for a baby.

Do you have the option of using a childminder or a nanny or a nanny share? Have you explored all other options?

Does your baby have to go to nursery what about a childminder?

I'm currently on maternity leave and my baby has started nursery a couple of days a week already and she loves it. She is secure in her attachment with the staff there and quite happy to be handed over.

After seeing how well my older child did there and how well it helped her confidence and social interactions, I'm really glad I could send my youngest as well. I think it actually is easier sending them early, as they won't know any different, rather than sending them at 2/3 when they are more capable of feeling nervous and suddenly being sent somewhere unfamiliar.

At 7 months old, my baby wasnt ready at all either but a couple of months changes them so much, so I really wouldn't stress about it now!

Thank you for your replies everyone ❤️ I think I am going to view the nursery again now I know exactly what to ask and look out for and now he is his own little person, look into childminders just to see and think how I can maybe cut my hours even more. 9 hours each day seems so so long for a baby. I also seem to remember them saying they rotate key workers so they don't get too attached. Well, this is now making me think twice as I think it would be comforting for him to have someone else to become attached to.

Settling in days are often not enough for new starters (most nurseries offer three of them the week before your child starts officially). If your budget allows, I would suggest starting your baby a couple of weeks before you actually need the childcare for work. You don’t have to leave your baby in nursery for the whole day, just maybe a few hours each time, building up gradually. A longer transition period may give both you and baby a better start to life post maternity leave.