Keep crying at the thought of sending my baby to nursery

[RaeSunjet]

I've been crying on and off for 3 days now- my 7 month old baby doesn't love a busy environment, only likes small quiet baby classes, is very attached to me and I feel this sick feeling in my stomach about separating us and leaving him at nursery. It's not until end of Sept but it's 3 days, 9 hours - I think it'a too much for a baby, I wish so much I could wait until he was 2 or 3.

Could I please have honest thoughts/experiences from people that have sent their 11 months old baby to nursery?

@NuffSaidSam @Coffeeishot
Initially I didn't look into it as just thought nurseries were the better option for some reason, maybe safer, more professionally set up etc . But I have started to look into childminders in my area as may be a less busy, more homely option.

I get your point, that's why I didn't send mine at all till they turned 3. But it's also been hard financially. We're only just picking back up this year.

I'd definitely look at all possible options. It may be that you decide that nursery is the best for you after all, but you owe it to your child to do the research.

And to think what would be best for them and not for you...I have heard parents say they used nursery because they didn't want their child to become attached to another adult because it would hurt their feelings, completely disregarding what their child would benefit from!

I agree with you OP I sent my DC1 at 12 months and he never really settled. He cried for 6 months and nursery said he was their longest ever child to settle. I ended up being a sahm when he turned 2 (for multiple reasons) and both our dc2 and dc3 won’t do full time nursery in the same way.

We had 30 mins and an hour and a half. I just waited in the car park for the 30 mins. It isn't much but it definitely helped. I hate that we have to go back to work id love to stay at home forever. I guess it'll be difficult when they go to school too x

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I saw this @RaeSunjet & thought of this thread.

DS went to nursery full time at 10 months. He’s nearly 11 and still talks fondly of his ‘first’ school.

I wanted to send mine to nursery because I like my job and having money to buy nice things and keep the house running. It was also great for my mental health.

How big is the nursery? We've used childminders (just three sometimes four pre-schoolers at a time with only one being a baby and a small nursery with only six babies in the baby room. Both very calm environments that my kids really enjoyed.

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That’s amazing

I agree with you- when DC was doing psychology A level-there was loads of research showing how important it is to have a primary care-giver in the first 2 years of life. Yet the government (s) of the day now seem to want both parents in work and all children in nursery from as young as possible. Sadly, these days most families need two full time wages just to keep their heads above water, let alone to do anything nice.

I didn’t need to go back to work but wanted to. I enjoyed my career and wanted to progress and DT’s went to an excellent nursery. Happy babies = happy parents.

If it's a good quality nursery, he'll be absolutely fine. Just make sure that it is the right nursery (or childminder etc).

Mine went full time and earlier than 11 months and have thrived. They adore their keyworkers and have made lovely attachments with them.

My son was full time at Nursery at 8 months old as we had no alternative childcare and in those days, working part time was not an option. I was a deputy Headteacher and my husband a police officer. I felt terribly guilty at the time but looking back I realise he didn’t suffer any adverse affects and grew up to be a very well adjusted child and now young man. He received a very good grounding in terms of social skills and education which stood him in good stead for school.
It’s very hard but I’m sure your little one will be fine as long as he has some shorter settling in sessions. Good luck!

My child is the same age and will start 4 days in Sept. I feel the same, but I know once they start it will be fine! I felt the same with my older child and they love love love it! It’s not too much. Plenty kids are there every day. 3 days will help them settle quickly, it’s a good balance.

Also, if I’m totally honest, my kid was an easy baby til 18 months, then the days became really hard and work was a bit of a rest (I have a stressful job too!!)

The UK is one of the most expensive countries when it comes to childcare—even the US is cheaper! In half of Europe (especially the former socialist countries), childcare is free, and in Western Europe it’s generally much cheaper—especially compared to the UK.

A hundred years ago, children had siblings—often eight or more—and cousins around all the time. Back then, women had “a village to raise a child.”
Yes, children were home but propably the oldest ones raised them and not the mother. Mothers were always working back then.
I can’t imagine who would think it’s okay to cut a child off from socialisation until they’re three years old or older. Both of my children love nursery. My first started at age one, and my second at eight months. I work part-time, so they only go for half days, and we spend the afternoons together.

Children still have siblings and cousins locally. Many families choose to stay living close to each other. I grew up with cousins I saw multiple times a week who were best friends, it was brilliant!

Huge misconception about SAHMs that their children don’t socialise. There are such things as baby/toddler groups, parks, play dates, etc. Which happen at optimal times, ie the morning, which don’t disrupt afternoon naps when they are babies/toddlers. Children are far more capable of socialising when they have at least learnt to talk properly, which they learn better from their parents than a load of other babies/toddlers who also haven’t learnt how to speak properly yet.

I don’t home educate, but I’m aware that those with school-aged children who do are still perfectly capable of socialising within their communities and linking up with like-minded families. Schools aren’t the only places this can happen.

Each time to their own, but nurseries really aren’t the be all and end all for everyone.

"Each time to their own, but nurseries really aren’t the be all and end all for everyone"

Nor are childminders. I don't get the popularity of them on here.

Ive never known one who doesn't pay more attention to their friends at play groups than their charges.

I don't know why your baby would cope less than the thousands of others who go and I would your 3 days of crying may affect the baby more?

In my only experience, my baby never slept at the childminder, it was a nightmare as she'd drop off on way to school pick up and then get woken up and fall asleep at 5.30. Our current after school childminder has mentioned how hard it is to get the babies to sleep.

A nursery gives structure and the baby will sleep, at a predictable time, which makes your life so much easier as a working Mum.

The first week can be rough but they will get into the swing of it. Both my kids went full time at 3 months (back when you went into DNP at 6 weeks) but it's a bit easier in terms of settling when they are younger I think. Perhaps get your partner to do the drop offs to reduce your distress?

I'm a big fan of alloparenting and I find nursery for me fits into this. It always seems to be banded about that it's natural for children to only solely be with their mums 24/7 when in fact evolutionary biologists have said differently and that traditionally children have always been looked after by a range of caregivers, sometimes up to 40% of the time and even now in some cultures children and babies can have up to several caregivers a day. This was so women could go rest and seek food and for me going out to work while my son spends 3 days a week with peers is an extension of this.

I can understand being nervous and anxious about your child going to nursery but I think here is the worst place to ask as it's only mumsnet the mere mention of a young child going to nursery seems to induce hysterical hand wringing about it and I think it just makes the anxiety worse for parents. Only on MN would someone use an example of an a-level psychology textbook to shame a parent into not using nursery.

The reality is myself and every other mum I know has has had their child in nursery for at least 3 days before their first birthday. I can't think of a single parent that hasn't used nursery and all our children are happy, thriving, loving and secure with absolutey none of the behavioural or attachment issues people on here would believe would happen. I have friends who are doctors and nurses and I work in social work and even those who work in children's social work and child protection use nurseries. So if professionals who have a vested interest in child development and safety use them then I really have no concern and I'm a massive fan of the nursery my son goes to and the same goes for other parents too I know.

I know! You can absolutely guarantee on any thread about a nursery, a few posts in and your guaranteed to see "have you considered a childminder?"

I can't understand the hate for nurseries but the obsession with childminders on here. If your childminder has multiple children to look after (which is likely), then they aren't going to have the 1:1 care that so is often discussed with childminders on here and they still will be in a busy environment. I always feel more comfortable using a nursery knowing it is just not one person on their own looking after children. Contrary to the MN belief that all nursery workers are poorly paid, unqualified young girls all the nursery workers at my sons nursery are qualified, experienced and many parents themselves. I like the fact there are several staff members on duty for safeguarding and accountability and also that there is manager and deputy on site. Nursery are also more able to give more structured and age appropriate activities and he has free flow access to outdoor space all day long and as they get older they go swimming and to an allotment. I couldn't stand the idea of my son being confined to someone's house and having to fit in with a school run.