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Original poster

Am I missing something

28 replies

TT250 · 15/05/2025 15:41

So me and my partner have been together 4 years.
we have a 11 month old and there’s teenagers of mine at home too.
he doesn’t live with me he rents a room with friends of his for £150 a month. That’s all of his outgoings.
I however have a full time low paid job and provide for me and the kids rent food etc … we’ve had soooooo many arguments about money he’s constantly chasing his tail borrowing money off me … he smokes 🌱.
he always pays the money back but it’s just annoying that he can’t “budget” in that he doesn’t contribute anything to me… occasionally he will pay for electric, a local little top up shop but other than that nothing I pay for it all… I’m so frustrated.

I keep trying to make this relationship work.

we argued about money 2 days ago … he said every 3 days I explode …
he was suppose to be paying out money and it was gonna leave him with a tiny bit left over I’ve asked him not to ask me for money and he made out like It’s bad if I don’t help him out and just “let him have a little bit of money” like how is it my fault …

am I going mad???

OP posts:
babasaclover · 15/05/2025 15:47

What a drag. Worse than your own kids having to pay him. Get the fuck rid of this albatross round your neck.

what kind of grown up lives like this. Literally taking food out of his kids mouths by asking you for money to get stoned with.

Wishimaywishimight · 15/05/2025 15:53

You surely know this is a rubbish situation / rubbish partner - you don't need us to tell you?

Does he work / earn?

He's a leech, not the dad to your child that you were hoping for I'm sure however he is unlikely to change.

WhatNoRaisins · 15/05/2025 15:56

I'm not convinced you'll be able to make this work if he doesn't decide to grow up.

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pikkumyy77 · 15/05/2025 15:56

It would be cheaper and less faff to pay some bloke to date you and have sex with you. Why bother to consider this cheap, sloppy, useless, wanker “a partner.” He in no sense partners with you.

mondaytosunday · 15/05/2025 16:06

how dues he contribute to the care of HIS child? He needs to be paying some sort of support.
Stop giving him any money. He should only be giving it to you. And I’d definitely have a long hard look at this relationship - it isn’t going to get better.

Seawolves · 15/05/2025 16:10

Why? Why are you putting up with this madness from him? He's doesn't appear to be adding any great things to your life so what is holding him to you? You deserve so much more.

Original poster
TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:22

Wishimaywishimight · 15/05/2025 15:53

You surely know this is a rubbish situation / rubbish partner - you don't need us to tell you?

Does he work / earn?

He's a leech, not the dad to your child that you were hoping for I'm sure however he is unlikely to change.

He works yeah but I see no benefit to it … he’s just argued again with me told me that he does pay here and there …
said at the beginning he always used to give me money so now it’s my turn but he always pays me back where I didn’t …

OP posts:
Original poster
TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:23

WhatNoRaisins · 15/05/2025 15:56

I'm not convinced you'll be able to make this work if he doesn't decide to grow up.

He says I’m the problem when our daughters older he will tell her I broke the family up

OP posts:
Dreichweather · 15/05/2025 17:25

I keep trying to make this relationship work. Why? He isn’t.

Claim child maintance and dump the man child.

Original poster
TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:35

babasaclover · 15/05/2025 15:47

What a drag. Worse than your own kids having to pay him. Get the fuck rid of this albatross round your neck.

what kind of grown up lives like this. Literally taking food out of his kids mouths by asking you for money to get stoned with.

His answer to this would be that he asks and I can say no and that he pays me back

OP posts:
Original poster
TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:35

Seawolves · 15/05/2025 16:10

Why? Why are you putting up with this madness from him? He's doesn't appear to be adding any great things to your life so what is holding him to you? You deserve so much more.

I know this but he makes me question if I’m mad ?

OP posts:
Original poster
TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:38

mondaytosunday · 15/05/2025 16:06

how dues he contribute to the care of HIS child? He needs to be paying some sort of support.
Stop giving him any money. He should only be giving it to you. And I’d definitely have a long hard look at this relationship - it isn’t going to get better.

He says he does his bit that I don’t see that… he will do the dishes, tidy garden, do some housework etc.. he SAYs he goes shop and pays (maybe a handful of occasions)
I don’t see it with any consistency…
Ive been trying for the past 2 years to keep this relationship going and now even more for our daughter he’s just said to me that I am ruining it for her!

OP posts:
Original poster
TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:40

I’m now so sad because he’s saying he wants her 50/50 so now I’ll miss out on her full time ….

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 15/05/2025 17:40

Dump him, I couldn’t be with a man who smokes weed

YellowPostIts · 15/05/2025 17:40

TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:35

I know this but he makes me question if I’m mad ?

Show quote history

You understand that making you question if you are mad isn’t normal behaviour?

I’m all for families sticking it out through tough times, but your posts describe an absolute disaster of a man.

It might be worth considering what kind of relationship and boundaries you are modelling for your older children.

Would you want them to be treated this way?
Would you want them funding someone else’s drug habit?

TizerorFizz · 15/05/2025 17:41

You are. For thinking he’s your partner! He’s not. Just get some sort of child maintenance sorted out and be more discerning.

Mulledjuice · 15/05/2025 17:43

TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:23

He says I’m the problem when our daughters older he will tell her I broke the family up

Show quote history

Cool. Tell him to go ahead, you'll be happy to explain why. You don't want this to be the example you set to her of healthy adult relationships, do you?

WhatNoRaisins · 15/05/2025 17:43

TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:23

He says I’m the problem when our daughters older he will tell her I broke the family up

Show quote history

What exactly would you be breaking up though. You aren't a family unit if he's living in a flat share smoking weed.

Needmorelego · 15/05/2025 17:43

@TT250 I doubt he would get 50/50 custody if he lives in a room in a shared (stoner) house.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/05/2025 17:43

He can't have her 50/50 if he's on drugs. You can't be drunk/under the influence if you're the only parent in charge at the time.

DinaofCloud9 · 15/05/2025 17:44

Lol as if he's really going to want 50/50.

WhatNoRaisins · 15/05/2025 17:46

He's not going to want 5050, he's talking rubbish to manipulate you. Please tell us that you are on decent contraception.

What do your older DC make of this idiot?

aylis · 15/05/2025 17:46

He's manipulating you. And he should be giving you money, not taking it from you. I would amazed if he got it together enough to challenge for 50/50 custody. He sounds like a bog standard deadbeat.

ARichtGoodDram · 15/05/2025 17:46

TT250 · 15/05/2025 17:40

I’m now so sad because he’s saying he wants her 50/50 so now I’ll miss out on her full time ….

Do you really think he's going to take her 50% of the time?

My ex used to threaten that all the time. In a bid to keep me in line he even went to court and managed to convince them to give him three out of four weekends (because of his job) and a larger share of holidays. He said we could forget all about it if I took him back. I didn't. He took our girls overnight six times in next three years...

Soonenough · 15/05/2025 17:49

Calculate what his CMS payment would be every week and ask him to give it to you . Bet it is less then he spends on weed . If he says no, then go to CMS . As for 50/50 to avoid paying he won't even be allowed to have a child in a room in a shared house ..
He sounds like a total loser . Ask your teenagers what they think of him . Don't worry about 4 years in , if he hasn't shaped up even after having his daughter , he probably never will. And let him tell her anything he wants she will know the truth of it as years go by . How dare he threaten you like that. He is no use to you just another burden . Get rid..