I'm a solo parent—and have been since day one. My son, now six, is truly my whole world. I’ve raised him alone since pregnancy. His “dad” has never been involved.
My son is the kind of child who lights up around younger kids. He’s full of empathy, patience, and warmth. He adores babies, asks about having a sibling , and notices that his friends have brothers or sisters. It breaks my heart. I feel this deep, aching guilt that I can’t give him what he so clearly longs for.
TW: Pregnancy Termination
Just over a year ago, I became pregnant while in a relationship, and I made the very difficult decision to terminate. It wasn’t the right time, or the right situation. I still carry that with me, quietly.
Now, after going through fertility testing, I’ve been told I’d have about a 1 in 20 chance of conceiving through IUI. I'm 43 next month. Even if I did conceive, there’s a high risk of miscarriage or serious complications, including birth defects. Hearing that felt like the floor dropped out from under me. Hope and grief tangled up together. So now I sit with this question: do I try anyway? Or do I start the much harder journey of acceptance—that our little two-person family is complete, even if it wasn’t what I imagined?
The guilt I feel is almost physical. I see the tenderness in my son when he cuddles a baby and I feel like I’m letting him down.
If you're reading this and have been through anything remotely similar, I’d love to hear from you. I feel alone in this right now, like I'm grieving a life I can't quite reach, and trying to figure out how to honour my son's beautiful heart.