Those who didn't sleep train, when does it get better??

[Utterlyincandescently]

I'm lucky that my baby slept through the night for the first five months, but then she suddenly started to wake 3 times a night and has done for the past 6 weeks. She's usually asleep by 7:30 and then wakes at 11, 2 and 4, and then she's up for the day at 6:15.

She's always been a terrible napper but this was manageable when I was getting a full night of sleep. We're lucky if we get one decent nap a day now. I'm just so exhausted, with so few breaks. She needs constant entertaining when she's awake or she'll grumble and cry.

Will this get better?? How much longer do I need to do this for?

Same for me, the (no cry) sleep trained baby slept amazingly from 7 months and an unbroken 13 hour block at 11 months.
Other baby didn’t respond to training at all (just lay around smiling for hours) and slept through at 22 months.

For me things got better around 12-14 months.

Eldest was 2 years.
Youngest 3 months.
Sleep training is cruel.

My first woke every hour at least for a year. My second is just 1 and wakes 2-5 times a night. We do co sleep though, and I try not to look at a watch/phone etc so it’s just boob and back to sleep. Easier not knowing!

Edited to add, older one is 3.5 and rarely sleeps through still, but usually just one wake. She doesn’t have the temperament for sleep training, although I know it works for some.

My little boy was exactly the same at this age, he is one now and still feeds in night but he does one two hour nap every day and it’s a life changer!!! He started napping better at about nine months I think so it does get better!

Also have an awful sleeper - just turned five, still wakes some nights, I haven’t had a full nights sleep in five years! She was still waking 3/4 times a night at 3. I feel your pain but also glad I’m not the only person who is absolutely shattered all the time!

My first was like that. Slept really well initially and then terribly from 4 months. It got really tough when we were both back at work and he was waking every 2 hours all night so we sleep trained at 15 months. Don't agree with a PP that it's cruel. We did gradual retreat so he was never left to cry, but he learned to self settle which he never had as I'd always breastfed to sleep.

Sadly you'll probably find that it will be much much more difficult with a 3yr old. They are in much more fixed habits as they've slept this way for years, and they know very well how to scream and cry very loud and will do so for a very long time. 3 year old are much more capable of fighting sleep even when extremely tired - the reason sleep training is effective with babies is ultimately when they are really tired the sleep just sort of overtakes them if you leave them to fuss a bit and they aren't distracted by your presence. A 3 year old will really fight it and become progressively more and more overtired.

Allowing children to become chronically sleep deprived due to nights of constant waking is cruel.

Sleep is so so important for children's growth and development, and not helping children to get good quality sleep is terrible parenting.

Do you think this is a better situation than if you'd sleep trained and they now slept soundly every night?

Never trained DS. Co slept and BF on demand. He slept through by about 2 and was in his own bed at 2.5

Not ideal, but sleep training isn't for me.

@Emanresuunknown my 3 year old was fighting sleep since she was 3 days old! DC2 has been very different. I’m unsure of many things, but I am certain that sleep training one child is not the same as sleep training another.
But I don’t disagree with you that obviously the way you deal with a 3 year old is different to a baby. I’m under no illusions that I can do much now about my 3 year old’s sleep, other than wait it out. When I asked PP a question it was in the context of my younger child.

It was over 2 before my girl slept through with any consistency. It seems such an age ago now (she’s only 2.5!) but I remember thinking with each stage that we would never get out of it. She went down to one wake up at around a year, but sometimes the one wake up would be for 1-2 hours 😳 I think it felt so brutal when I returned to work and had to juggle that too.
Ignore the smug ‘oh, they’ve slept through from 2 months old!’ comments. I have several friends who did this, their children are now terrible sleepers at 4-6 years old. Ha!

You made the choice for your child and OP is making the choice for hers, I'm not sure why people who sleep train are so intent on making others follow in their footsteps. I chose not to sleep train mine and the amount of unsolicited advice from people who chose differently to me was insane.

OP for what it's worth, I had 2 DC in quick succession and they were both awful sleepers for ages, at some points I thought I'd collapse from exhaustion but I also chose not to sleep train. I was breastfeeding both and it just didn't feel natural to me to do it. What saved my sanity was Co sleeping - I had a floor bed in their rooms.

I promise it does get easier in time, and your body is an amazing thing and adjusts to lack of sleep! Mine are older now and sleep through, to the point of having to drag them out of bed in the morning.

Knowing that my children know I would always attend to their needs creates a healthy and safe attachment in the longer term and that was what was more important to me - it's not cruel, don't be absurd.

Mines one and still wakes multiple times

I wasn’t aware i had asked for a judgment on it? I just shared my experience with a fellow parent, but I notice that you are throwing around the phrase “terrible parenting” to anyone who didn’t sleep train, which is neither helpful or accurate. There’s always one chronic Mumsnetter who enjoys trying to make themselves feel superior 👌🏻

Just in addition to this - at the peak of my utter exhaustion I engaged a Sleep Consultant who said I was doing everything right and clearly just had a bad sleeper. Some kids just don’t sleep well no matter how many different methods you try…so apologies if I don’t buy into the idea that sleep training is the answer to every child’s sleep issues and anyone who doesn’t have a child who sleeps through the night is a terrible parent for not “training” their kid properly 🙄 we’re all just out here trying to survive and whatever gets everyone the most sleep, do that!

I’m not “making” anyone do anything. You are projecting. We all do what we think is right and for me that was helping my child get a solid 12 hours unbroken sleep at least every night.

My body did not adjust to sleep deprivation. It was torture and I was a danger behind the wheel of my car. Successful parenting for me wasn’t lying on a mattress on the floor next to a child who wakes constantly every night. It was having a child who loves their bed, sleeps soundly all night long, everyone waking up happy, sharing a bed with my husband, and feeling rested every morning in order to have the energy to be the best parent I can to my child.

Feel free to give your advice, and I’ll give mine.

My baby wakes for feeds multiple times a night but cos we co sleep he doesn’t properly wake up, in the day he is the happiest baby, hes one and everyone we see comments on how happy and outgoing he is. I would never sleep train because professionally I am an expert in attachment theory and attachment disorder. Keep your judgement to yourself.

My 3 year old has always had the same comments. Happy, content, polite, sweet natured, kind, thoughtful, very empathetic and caring towards other children. He clearly has a secure attachment. Do you really think those of us who sleep trained our children have caused attachment issues? You do understand this is utter nonsense?

Saying things like 'cruel and unhealthy' about others choices is unkind, it's not advice, it is judgement if OP has specifically said she doesn't want to do something and you make hurtful comments.

My floor bed (love the PA snark from your comment) and waking up snuggled with my children are my favourite memories.

We didn’t sleep train, my 4 year old still wakes up once during the night

Yes, thank you. I don't think I'm being cruel by not sleep training my baby. I did specifically say no judgement to parents who sleep train in an earlier comment. I also titled this thread "those who didn't sleep train".

I think it is cruel to let your child wake up every hour or two hours through the night as mine was.

You love sleeping on the floor in your children’s room, I love hearing mine pitter patter through to our room in the morning and jump into bed with us for a half hour of cuddles and stories.

You do whatever you want to do.