Those who didn't sleep train, when does it get better??

[Utterlyincandescently]

I'm lucky that my baby slept through the night for the first five months, but then she suddenly started to wake 3 times a night and has done for the past 6 weeks. She's usually asleep by 7:30 and then wakes at 11, 2 and 4, and then she's up for the day at 6:15.

She's always been a terrible napper but this was manageable when I was getting a full night of sleep. We're lucky if we get one decent nap a day now. I'm just so exhausted, with so few breaks. She needs constant entertaining when she's awake or she'll grumble and cry.

Will this get better?? How much longer do I need to do this for?

Sounds quite good for 7ish months old. Some kids sleep better by 1 year, others 2/3 years

Mine were still waking frequently at a year. I don't think breastfeeding/lack of a dummy helped that.

I guess it's reassuring to hear that it sounds normal. I just keep hearing from my mum friends with similarly aged babies, they're sleeping through or only waking once.

And definitely taking multiple one hour plus naps a day. We barely get 45 minutes 🥲

Honestly, the longer you wait to sleep train, the worse it gets. I have a friend trying to sleep train a 10 month old (like you, she had a dream baby who slept for the first 5 months so she thought she could handle the sleep deprivation) and it's super hard. They cry for longer and harder, they're A LOT more anxious and aware of you not being there, they can hurt themselves by banging their head on the side of the cot etc. Teething and illnesses also start getting in the way with older babies.

So my experience is you either sleep train when young or decide to cosleep and put up with it, usually until 12 months but for some longer.

Sorry its bloody exhausting. There is no set answer because all kids are different. My first slept pretty well my 2nd didn't sleep through til after aged 2 and feed through the night. 😴 Is your baby bf because that kind of waking seems pretty normal for a bf baby? I think you've been very lucky because it's usually for a newborn to sleep through the night so it probably feels like hell now she's waking up a lot. I remember how tiring it is. X can anyone take her for a bit in the day so you can have a nap? Sometimes having an hour even can get you through.

3 wakeups a night is pretty good for a 7 month old. But I understand it must be really difficult if you’ve been used to sleeping through.

Our kids have both been awful sleepers, but we refused to sleep train. They’re getting there now. 4 yo now wakes only once a night, and 3 yo still at 2 wakeups. They both used wake up 5-7 times a night between 1-2 years old 🤣 I don’t know how we survived tbh but they love their beds, not worried about bedtime, really happy to stay in their beds and relax etc. So for us it was the right things to do.

Yes, she's ebf. I know we got so lucky with her sleeping through right from the beginning! My boobs were definitely not prepared for her to stay waking up in the night.

I could honestly cope, if she took a couple of decent naps in the daytime so I could eat or clean up without her yelling at me.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone who could take her for an hour. Just got to persevere.

Sleep training helps with naps too FYI.

And expect it to get harder. Once babies become mobile, it's a game changer. Mine started crawling at 7 months and now at 9 months every waking moment is both fun and intense. He needs to be on the move, climbing, crawling, jumping off surfaces, swimming, anything. He is a very happy boy as long as he's doing something. I set him up a playpen which he loved for about 2 days and then he realized that playpen = mummy goes to the bathroom so he refuses to go in it now.

I could not cope with 45 minutes naps and broken sleep at this age, sorry.

I Didn’t sleep train mine. Don’t think they’d have tolerated it! Dd1 was about 18months/2 before we got meaningful sleep. Dd2 was an even worse and was more like 3 and still gets up in the middle of the night a couple of times a week at 4.5

Thank you everyone. I really can't sleep train so I guess I'll just persevere and hope it'll get better eventually.

Nice to hear it's normal at least!

I'd embrace cosleeping then. It's the only way, especially if you're breastfeeding.

Why not?

Definitely give co sleeping a try. It saved us! Both kids now in their own beds all night, so no long term issues.

Just not something I'm willing to do after researching. Even the gentler methods don't feel right for us. No judgement to anyone who does it though!

Yes I agree and to be honest I don't think you can when breastfeeding you are meant to feed on demand, you can't really ignore them when they cry. I second co sleeping to be honest. I know some people are dead against it but it helped me just to get back to sleep after each feed as you aren't getting up and walking to the cot ect. You are still in a semi dream state feeding. Does your baby nap after a feed? My son used to have a feed then that would put him into a nap if that makes sense. Sometimes I'd feed in the hope of him having a nap and it worked!

I wouldn’t rule it out at 7 months old. You’ve a long road ahead of you. I gently sleep trained my child at one year old for everyone’s sake. It isn’t harmful unless you shut the door on your child and leave them to scream themselves to sleep.

At some point everyone needs sleep, your child included. When you get to the point that they are waking 5/6+ times a night, I think it is cruel not to teach your child how to sleep through the night.

Said child is 3 and a half now and reliably slept through 12-13 hours a night from the age of one after sleep training and loves his bedtime routine and going to sleep. Contrast with friends of ours who never sleep trained and have nearly 4 year olds still up past 9pm, waking through the night, crawling into bed, and leaving their parents like zombies every day. It’s not healthy.

Perhaps your child will just naturally be a good sleeper, perhaps not.

Agreed that you cannot when breastfeeding. I waited until my child was one and night weaned. 7 months is too young for night weaning and sleep training IMO, but that’s not to say the time won’t come when the OP might need to reevaluate her stance on sleep training.

My 18 month old sleeps in her cot from 7 - (usually) 1ish. She’ll then go back down until 3 and then again until 5 and then in our bed until 6.

But this is derailed if she’s poorly / learning something new / teething (so nearly always!) - at the moment she’ll sleep until 12/1, then come into our bed and boob pretty much solidly from 3am. I know her teeth are sore, I know I need to wean her but I’m too bloody tired!

My eldest was worse, in that she wouldn’t even have that 7-12/1 stint in her cot, and she starting sleeping mostly through (usually with a cuddle at one point in the night) from 2.

I’m not sure if that’s reassuring but it does eventually get easier 😅😅

I think this might be the way. Waiting until she's one and night weaning. I can do 5 more months.

I think (hope!) my stance on sleep training won't change.

Sleep training for some babies can be really easy. If you don’t try you won’t know. It’s much kinder to both the baby and the parents to have a baby able to sleep well rather than be regularly overtired over a period of months / even years. Having exhausted parents isn’t good for a baby, or the parents either. But having said that I think it’s entirely up to you and what you are comfortable with, these decisions are really difficult and babies vary in how well they sleep and parents vary in how they manage sleep deprivation.

It’s exhausting so I sympathise. My eldest started sleeping through at 12 months, but was a nightmare to actually settle down for the night. My youngest was the opposite, great at going down but still waking most nights until at least 3.

So very much depends on the child. We kind of gave up with the youngest and she would wake up around 3-4am and spend the rest of the night in our bed. Then we used reward charts to get her to sleep in her own bed. She is 10 now and sleeps no problem, but still loves a “sleepover” in my bed if DH is ever away!

You don’t need to hope. If you need to do it you’ll do it, and you’ll do it the right way for your child. You are not going to fuck her up by gently sleep training if you need to. Children cry over many things in life: going to nursery, going to school, removing a dummy, mummy staying away for the first time overnight or for a few nights. Good parents navigate it all with kindness. Those who sleep train are not neglecting or harming their children and you may well end up being one of those parents. Good luck with it all, the early days can be hard x

I don't think it's all to do with sleep training, you can have two or more kids do the exact same sleep routines and one can sleep well and one can still be waking as 5 year olds. I didn't sleep train mine, one always slept pretty well just had to do the slow retreat thing and she'd not keep waking once fully asleep. Thought this is easy then had another baby and total opposite. He still wakes up at aged 7 and tries to sneak in our bed but he is hyperactive in general and does struggle to switch his brain off. No two kids are the same.

My baby was almost identical. Slept through the night until 4 months. Then it went to shit! So tough as he would only contact nap. It got much better around 12 months for us.

Well I breastfeed exclusively and my baby took to sleep training right away. Literally a total of 25 minutes of crying on night no.1. 10 minutes on night no.2. But he was really fighting me on rocking to sleep so we had no choice really. Nothing was working except putting him down!

We figured out quickly that before 4am he just wasn't hungry. He would do a slow suck that put him back to sleep. So before 4am, my DH went in to do the check ins and put him back down. He quickly stopped waking after that.

He still wakes at 4am about every other night or a night out of 3 and I feed him then, I figure we all get a bit thirsty early morning sometimes.