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Parenting

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Original poster

Partner called me a horrible name after a tough day with the baby

39 replies

milliemummy87 · 29/04/2025 20:23

Hi all, I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but I need some perspective.

Our baby girl is 9 weeks old, and today was one of those really hard days - she’s been crying a lot and I’ve been home with her alone all day while my partner was at work. I was feeling drained and emotional by the time he got back. When he came in, he was just pottering about, and I asked him to take her so I could have a break, which he did.

But she continued crying with him for the next hour, and then he tried to hand her back to me. I said something like, “I can’t just hand her back to you during the day when I’m on my own,” trying to express how I never get that kind of break. He responded by calling me a “cunt.”

It’s not the first time he’s said something awful. I don’t know if I’m just sleep-deprived and overly sensitive, but it feels so wrong. I’m trying so hard, and I feel like I’m failing. Has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:

Stripeyanddotty · 29/04/2025 21:09

His abuse will affect your baby.
Do not cover up for him - tell your mum exactly what is happening

Maitri108 · 29/04/2025 21:19

I know you're tired, so tonight just rest. Tomorrow when he's at work you can contact Refuge via webchat or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline who are open 24/7 and have a chat about your relationship.

You don't need to do anything, just discuss what's going on and take it from there.

jennab29 · 29/04/2025 21:26

That's so horrible! I'm so sorry he said that to you!

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LeChatNoirv · 29/04/2025 21:26

This is verbal abuse and in front of your daughter it sounds like? She’ll grow up hearing this if it continues. It will damage her.

Sone great advice above. Talk to your mum or show her this thread. You’ve done nothing wrong and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed of himself

Pricelessadvice · 29/04/2025 21:30

You want to raise a child in that environment?
What an awful man.
How would he feel in the future if his daughter’s partner called her that??

Seriously OP, you and your baby girl deserve better.

Lorlorlorikeet · 29/04/2025 22:18

milliemummy87 · 29/04/2025 20:44

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond.

This isn’t the first time he’s called me that word. A few days after the birth, he called me the same thing - over something as small as forgetting the red book on the way to an appointment (I made a comment that he hadn’t helped to get everything together for the appointment). I was crying in the back seat with our newborn, and he just kept repeating it.

He is a monster. An absolute monster. What the actual fuck is wrong with him?

Lorlorlorikeet · 29/04/2025 22:21

milliemummy87 · 29/04/2025 21:00

He’s never been physically abusive, but he gets really emotionally cruel. When I say he gets more defensive and nastier, it’s like he just flips and tries to break me down. He’ll twist what I’m saying, call me horrible names, make me feel like I’m the problem. It gets to the point where I end up crying and saying I’ve had enough. it’s only when I’m broken that he stops.

Show quote history

This is truly distressing to read. Your baby is only nine weeks. He is escalating.

Titasaducksarse · 29/04/2025 22:23

Call him a fucking cunt back.
I'm a great believer in serving it back.

I say this as I truly empathise with you and a tiny young baby but he needs to hear that his words to you are not ok.

Trallia · 29/04/2025 22:24

I know it's very hard, but it does seem a good idea to talk to someone in real life about this. Dont let this get any worse.

You've said you feel embarrassed, but this situation is not unusual: According to this https://www.womensaid.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Supporting-women-and-babies-after-domestic-abuse.pdf over 1/3rd of women will experience abuse after pregnancy. I'm horrified! Apparently so many partners can't cope with the withdrawal of the mithers divided attention.

There us a reason we get asked so much about domestic abuse during pregnancy.

Give your baby some big cuddles, remember they love you unconditionally, and try to get brave for her, if it feels too hard for yourself.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Supporting-women-and-babies-after-domestic-abuse.pdf

shalamakooky · 29/04/2025 22:47

He’s abusing you

can you leave and go to parents or someone you trust?

Endofyear · 29/04/2025 23:09

milliemummy87 · 29/04/2025 20:56

He’s said really horrible things before - things I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy. Sometimes I try to talk to him about how I’m feeling or what’s happened, and he just tells me I only ever remember the bad things, never the good. But I do remember the good… it’s just that the bad things have been really painful. I can’t forget the way he speaks to me sometimes. He’s been very nasty in the past, and I remember it all.

Show quote history

OP your partner is abusive. He's absolutely vile and out of order to talk to you like that. He should be being caring, protective and looking after you when you've just given birth to his baby. That is what a decent man would do.

Please get away from this horrible man. You don't want your little one growing up in a home where their father speaks to their mother this way. Do you have family you can go to? Or close friend?

Toomanydogwalks · 29/04/2025 23:25

milliemummy87 · 29/04/2025 21:05

I think part of me feels embarrassed, or maybe ashamed. I don’t want people to judge me, especially because I’ve stayed. I told my mum once that he could get nasty but I’ve not gone into specifics.

Show quote history

Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. His behaviour is not your fault.
Speak to your Health Visitor or Womens Aid. You’re really vulnerable when you’ve just had a baby. Can you go to stay with your mum?

Danni221008 · 07/05/2025 16:22

So I’m currently in a similar situation to you but just 18 years on with 3 kids. Youngest being age 6. He got in my face and called me a fucking cunt the other day in front of the 6 year old. She then came to me and apologised as she thought it was her fault. It broke my heart. Don’t stay, like I have it only gets worse. I’m now ending things as I just can’t cope with his angry outbursts anymore and the fact he blames it on me. X

hattie43 · 07/05/2025 17:58

What a disgusting word to call the mother of his child . It’s the one word I’d deck someone for using . Sorry Op he sounds horrible .

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