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Original poster

Offhand joke made at my 11 month old’s expense

38 replies

Rosemum24 · 28/04/2025 21:01

My family have come from the West Country to visit me and DD for a few days. We were out to dinner tonight at a steak restaurant and my sick elderly grandfather made a really disgusting joke about my little one. There was a steak knife on the table and he grabs it and starts offering it to her saying “you should let her play with this. It will solve all your problems and you can have your life back”…..

Also, unrelated but without saying anything or asking, he grabs my phone off the table and tries to unlock it (unsuccessfully) then just puts it back down without saying anything. Not related to the issue at hand but just goes to show, this dude SERIOUSLY lacks boundaries….

First off I’m fuming. Not just at the situation but at myself. I can be a massive pushover and I’m currently in therapy for partly this reason, but I didn’t say anything at all and just made a face. I’m so angry I didn’t stick up for her!!

I’m now sat thinking I should address the situation still as I don’t want another comment like that being made, and also I feel he should know that saying that was wrong and apologise. I’ve got breakfast with my Nan (his wife) tomorrow morning and I’m thinking of bringing it up.

Please can someone suggest what they would do in my position?

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/04/2025 06:42

Rosemum24 · 28/04/2025 23:48

To clear up any confusion, I’m absolutely not planning on asking my Nan to speak to him on my behalf. I was just going to ask her advice on how she would approach the situation seeing as she knows him far better than me. I think after reading some of the replies here I’ll let it slide on this occasion but man up next time. Thanks for the advice all, and for the unnecessary comments telling me to grow up etc, take a look at your own lives before randomly insulting strangers on the internet 🙃

Edited

You asked. Dont ask for opinions if you don’t want to hear them

SparklyGlitterballs · 29/04/2025 06:52

Did no-one else present say anything either OP? That's a pretty shocking comment.

Don't be afraid to challenge next time. "What exactly do you mean by that Grandad?" Get him to explain himself. Then a reply such as "Oh, so you think my baby killing herself with a steak knife will make my life all hunky dory?"

Don't let the comment go under the radar. Shame him for it and don't let the fact he's sick or elderly allow him to get away with it.

nottheplan · 29/04/2025 07:05

Omg I read the post wrong, I thought you said he was talking about a fire not a steak knife lol. Half asleep 😴
Ps the fact that he's elderly and ill doesn't excuse his behaviour 😤

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Original poster
Rosemum24 · 29/04/2025 07:36

ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/04/2025 06:42

You asked. Dont ask for opinions if you don’t want to hear them

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I asked what people would do about the situation….not to be insulted. You have a lovely day :)

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 29/04/2025 07:41

1Ivebeenthinking · 29/04/2025 00:06

Maybe he’s developing schizophrenia

Because making twattish jokes is a symptom of schizophrenia?

Original poster
Rosemum24 · 29/04/2025 08:24

SparklyGlitterballs · 29/04/2025 06:52

Did no-one else present say anything either OP? That's a pretty shocking comment.

Don't be afraid to challenge next time. "What exactly do you mean by that Grandad?" Get him to explain himself. Then a reply such as "Oh, so you think my baby killing herself with a steak knife will make my life all hunky dory?"

Don't let the comment go under the radar. Shame him for it and don't let the fact he's sick or elderly allow him to get away with it.

Nope, 4 other adults present and not a word was said. That’s the usual conduct though! I’m treated like a child by the group even now unfortunately at 25 years old. I absolutely will say something if/when it happens again! The way I feel now and the guilt I feel when I look at DD for not saying anything is horrible 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosemum24 · 29/04/2025 08:27

TheTigerWhoCameToBrunch · 28/04/2025 22:39

Absolutely, and it’s more than an off-hand joke.

He sounds just like my FIL. Same generation too. My only solution is to minimise contact. Odious little man.

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Sorry to hear you have someone like this in your life! They really are hard to deal with, and so stubborn that their way of thinking is the right way 😑

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Original poster
Rosemum24 · 29/04/2025 08:30

Needspaceforlego · 29/04/2025 00:09

He sounds a complete arse.
Poor nan having to put up with him, and of the generation where divorce was still a big deal.
Will he be there tomorrow? Can you see nan without him?

Just Nan this morning luckily! So I can avoid him until they go back home 😌

OP posts:
roomwithoutaview · 29/04/2025 09:51

TheTigerWhoCameToBrunch · 28/04/2025 23:52

This is so sad.

I think you should go the other way. Be at hers all the time, getting on his nerves. Any off colour comments, call him out immediately, i.e. “Jim, why are you being so racist/sexist/misogynistic/a creep/a pervert/a boomer”. Be AWFUL to him so he knows you’re not to be messed with.

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I don't live nearby, so can't just pop in. Also he loves an argument so that would play into his hands.

dairydebris · 29/04/2025 10:04

NC28 · 28/04/2025 23:13

I think you sound like you’re more annoyed at yourself for doing nothing than what he actually said.

To be honest, you should give yourself a hard time over stating silent about something that clearly annoyed you. You’re her voice, and you didn’t stick up for her when this oddball made a stupid comment.

Now use this current feeling of guilt, regret, weakness etc to make sure you always stick up for your child in the future. Remember how you feel now, and use it to find your voice the next time.

Exactly this. Your daughter needs to see you sticking up for both her and yourself.

'Don't be ridiculous Grandpa, what a silly thing to say, she's an absolute angel and I'm really happy she's here'.

TheTigerWhoCameToBrunch · 29/04/2025 10:20

roomwithoutaview · 29/04/2025 09:51

I don't live nearby, so can't just pop in. Also he loves an argument so that would play into his hands.

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Damn.

Arsenic in his tea next time?

SallyWD · 29/04/2025 10:25

I wouldn't be bothered by either of those things however, if he's generally unpleasant then you have every right not to like him.

Numberfish · 29/04/2025 13:43

Rosemum24 · 29/04/2025 08:24

Nope, 4 other adults present and not a word was said. That’s the usual conduct though! I’m treated like a child by the group even now unfortunately at 25 years old. I absolutely will say something if/when it happens again! The way I feel now and the guilt I feel when I look at DD for not saying anything is horrible 😔

Show quote history

Why would you be guilty? DD is fine and you know your grandad is a tw@t. It’s better to say nothing often but next time you’ll be ready. It’s just going to create drama, I’d ignore him as a spiteful old fool but don’t make this more than it is, sounds like he specifically wants to goad you, not your DD.

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