Can the baby’s father take the baby away from my parents?

[littleprawn2024]

Due to a long list of transgressions, my ex currently only sees the baby on a Wednesday morning with me there (the baby is 6mo and he cancelled on seeing the baby for 3 of those months) until he gets to know the baby and can look after him.

He’s recently been trying to manipulate me and make me feel guilty about this arrangement - blaming me at times for how this arrangement is.

He showed up consistently for 5 weeks before sleeping in last Wednesday and not sticking to the arrangement.

I’m at a point where I no longer feel comfortable around him due to the way he’s been with me. Our arrangement is informal. My question is - would I be able to ask a parent to go in my place? And if so, would the dad be able to take baby from them without a court order?

Is he on the birth certificate?
Edit as I realised the baby isn’t with your parents, but would be.

Is he on the birth certificate ?

He’s on the birth certificate and the reason would be I’ll be back in work and we agreed a Wednesday as it’s his day off but I will be working Monday-Friday so they would have to take him for me as they will be looking after him while I’m working anyway.

Technically yes, he could literally grab the baby and run - but he could also do this is if was you supervising so it doesn’t make a great deal of difference.

If this is a serious concern then I would be applying for a court order.

I think she does have the baby but doesn't want to see her ex so wants a parent to supervise the visit instead.

If he’s on the birth certificate then yes he can

What has he done that means he cannot have the baby on Wednesdays while you work? Is he dangerous?

Not just that, I’ll be going back to work soon so I want to make sure the baby is safe while I’m not there.

He’s lied and manipulated me for the last 2 years, burned through our house deposit, not paid any CMS, isn’t working currently, and I am considering taking my case to court as I’ve tried to be civil and give him the opportunity to see baby but nothing is ever enough

Sorry ToKittyornottoKitty I posted before you edited.

Not physically, but mentally yes.

Its a very long story!

None of those are child safety concerns or indicative that he can’t look after his child competently.

You said Wednesday is his day off and that’s why you’ve picked Wednesday. If he’s not working then change the day to one that you aren’t working.

Id also looking into the court order thing sooner rather than later to be honest OP

If he’s not actually dangerous to the baby then the court would allow him access anyway OP

For me they are safety concerns.

My parents are foster carers and due to this all adults have to have a DBS check - he didn’t disclose his criminal history to the social worker and we only found out about this when it was flagged on the DBS check.

that’s one example of the lies he has told.

If you are considering court, just be mindful that he may actually end up with more time/unsupervised time, as you would be having to evidence that it was completely unsafe for him to have sole care of your baby. Off the top of my head this would be things like active drug addiction or a recent and repeated history of violence, rather than things that are more ‘not ideal but not entirely unsafe’. Best of luck as this sounds stressful x

You say his day off is Wednesday but that he is not working? Legally he could remove dc from your parents but how likely is he to have the opportunity. The issues are irritating but do not suggest your dc would be neglected or at risk of harm if he were unsupervised.

He was working at the time we made the arrangement but walked out of a job. Apologies, there’s been so much going on with the situation

Please do your research on family court. He could and probably would end up with 50/50. Even rapists get unsupervised access. DV same and that is with police reports and prison.

If there's no risk of harm to the baby then you can't stop him having the baby alone. Imagine if he said his parents needed to supervisor you. If there is a risk of harm you need to go to court and have it sorted that way

some of my concerns:

• previous criminal convictions (not disclosed until November 2024 - we started dating in 2023)
• told me he’s on pain killers/anti-depressants that means he sleeps all day
• pathological liar - he’s openly admitted to me that he’s lied about things and has told the lie so many times he believes it himself
• hasn’t worked since leaving the army in April 2024 (apart from 8 weeks of on and off work - walked out of 2 jobs)
• emotionally manipulative towards me
• has cancelled many times on seeing his son with no notice and then blames me for it

None of that means he wouldn’t get unsupervised access. The child isn’t your property, he is both of your son. What were the criminal convictions for if he was still allowed to serve in the army after them?

I don’t think this would meet the bar for no unsupervised contact, he could easily have medication changed (or say he had). If the criminal convictions weren’t directly related to children they might not hold that much weight (by court standards). When his check came back did the social worker say he couldn’t be around your parents foster children?

You might be best just offering a schedule that suits you, and crossing your fingers that he doesn’t take it to court either. Given what you’ve said it sounds unlikely he would bother.

He has a right to see his son. You can't dictate that it has to be supervised contact - only a court can do that.

And this is how toxic masculinity continues. Small children growing up seeing idiot men allowed to get away with their shit means it trickles down to the next generation.

Ideally, he should be very heavily supervised and made to jump through massive hoops before having his child for any length of time.

So yes he could take the baby and if he has PR there’s not a lot anyone could do