Can the baby’s father take the baby away from my parents?

[littleprawn2024]

Due to a long list of transgressions, my ex currently only sees the baby on a Wednesday morning with me there (the baby is 6mo and he cancelled on seeing the baby for 3 of those months) until he gets to know the baby and can look after him.

He’s recently been trying to manipulate me and make me feel guilty about this arrangement - blaming me at times for how this arrangement is.

He showed up consistently for 5 weeks before sleeping in last Wednesday and not sticking to the arrangement.

I’m at a point where I no longer feel comfortable around him due to the way he’s been with me. Our arrangement is informal. My question is - would I be able to ask a parent to go in my place? And if so, would the dad be able to take baby from them without a court order?

OP chose to have a baby with this guy and put him on the birth certificate, everyone plays their part in this process. Jumping through massive hoops etc probably won’t happen

Thanks for that…

just to be clear the day I found out about all of his past transgressions was the afternoon after we’d been to register the baby.

had I known all of this beforehand I wouldn’t have put him on it.

Tbh, a lot of that is carefully framed.

He didn't tell you he had a criminal record when you first got together...not ideal but also not some legal requirement that he has neglected. What is the record for?

He can get his medication changed (presumably he wasn't on it while you were together?)

Liar: some people lie. If he's recently left the army is that a factor?

Not working: it has only been a year since he left the army, this doesn't demonstrate a long standing unemployed status. Is there an element of struggling to adjust to 'civilian' life?

Other points annoying to you, but not very relevant.

You knew he wasn’t working as he hadn’t been for a good proportion of your pregnancy. Given how little he is functioning now it seems odd that you have no idea what he was like until after the baby was born.

Also odd that the DBS didn’t get done until November 2024 when your own child had already been born.

You need to be factual about it all if you’re trying to restrict custody because if it doesn’t track in court he will end up with more access than you want. It may well make more sense to try and keep him on side and avoid court, change his day to one where you aren’t working then you can carry on supervising it if you really think he would try and take the baby. Nothing you’ve said suggests he wouldn’t be allowed access going through the courts.

Seems a lot of people are missing the point of the post, my question was can the baby’s father take my baby away from my parents if I’ve asked them to look after him…

nothing was mentioned about contact and I didn’t feel like I needed to justify my reasons why our arrangement is the way it is.

thank you to those who have provided solid advice on the matter

People have answered. Yes he can. He’s on the birth certificate and you have nothing in place currently to stop him.

The short answer to that is yes he can, in the eyes of the law you both have equal footing.

We answered that in the first couple of posts, you’ve chosen to carry on engaging with the thread, that’s how discussions work. Nobody has missed the point

Apply for a lives with order...
You need it in writing the baby lives with you. Then police can intervene if he snatched the baby.

Yes he can. He has equal rights to you and can take your child as much as you can.

Yes he can take the baby, the same way you could take baby off of his parents. He is on the birth certificate, he has the same rights as you

The ship has long since sailed for you to claim the moral high ground.

You had a child with him, you can't turn around and deny him slaccess because all of a sudden he's the bad guy 🙄

The fact that he barely knows his own baby is though.

Christ, I'd hope most of us could claim the moral high ground over an unemployed father with criminal convictions who barely bothers to see his own child. The OP certainly can, since she's the parent who's actually bothering to raise and pay for the baby they mutually created.

Sorry op I don't know the answer to your question, but are you using a parenting app for all the arrangements? If/when you do need to go through the court you'll have a record of him making or agreeing to an arrangement and then not turning up.

Practical suggestion- how does he travel? If he doesn’t have a car seat or push chair, then keeping them out of sight will reduce the likelihood of him taking the baby.

I could be wrong, but it’s unlikely he’d take the baby with no warning, no equipment, no nappies.

Your parents fostering experience should give them good insight into how he’s likely to behave.

Is he threatening to take the baby? If he’s been abusive- and it sounds as though he has in the past- speak to women’s aid. They’ll have a better idea how to protect yourselves.

I didn’t think of a parenting app, thank you! ☺️

Thank you! The pram and car seat are both in my car for ease anyway. He’s not threatened to take the baby but I’m just nervous as he has been impulsive in the past with things.

I’d like to think he wouldn’t do that but due to everything I’ve found out in the last few months I don’t really know him as well as I thought I did so I just don’t know at this point.

As others have said, he has the same legal right to have your baby. I wouldn’t be initiating court proceedings as they would likely going his favour. You can either continue with contact, change it to a day when you can supervise, or, if you are genuinely worried about your child’s safety, you could withdraw contact and see if he takes you to court.

Lots of mums also have criminal convictions, have medication and or substance use difficulties and may generally not be very nice either but generally maintain the care of their children unless threshold for separation is met. Doesn't sound like supervised contact in this case either would be orderd

Given this is an informal arrangement between you, and now he's not working, why don't you change it to Saturday or Sunday?

Then your parents don't need to get involved.

I’m sorry you are in this situation OP. When single parenting, going back to work and having a young baby, these extra problems are last thing you need. Having had to leave DS1s father almost immediately after having given birth, I have been through this whole thing. I don’t know about the main question which is ‘ can he take him’ but it sounds like it would be useful to have a published schedule of when he sees him. In a way the more he fails to do what is agreed plus the longer you have an established pattern of contact the better. It means you have evidence you have not been ‘preventing contact’ and that there is an ‘established pattern’ that doesn’t need to be changed, in the unlikely event that he is organised enough to apply to the courts for more access on the future, trying to complain that you are ‘unreasonable’ and are ‘preventing’ him from seeing his child. If he is as hopeless as is likely, and without funds, he may just go off the idea in the future once it is all set out for him as a requirement and fade away into oblivion. But if he thinks you are wanting to fight about this and don’t want him to see the child, it may encourage him to press for more through the courts. My experience was of an abusive ex using the courts as a tool to continue to harrass me and remain ‘centre of attention’. Unfortunately he had money behind him so was willing to use that to continue his bullying. That can be both expensive and exhausting. It’s worth seeing a very good family law solicitor about child access now so that you are ‘doing the right thing’ to protect yourself and your child rather than trying to negotiate a system yourself when you are under pressure and dealing with a very difficult character. They will also tell you what you can put in place to prevent him not returning or removing the baby. You don’t need to tell him you’ve done that, or start engaging in endless legal letters unless it’s maybe one outlining the suggested access arrangements, but at least get the advice so you know where you stand. I went through two not very good solicitors before I found an excellent one - she was more pricey and through recommendation, but saved my sanity.

Stop facilitating Wednesdays and dancing to his tune. Let him apply through the court for access. Sounds like he wouldn’t have the motivation to do it if he can’t mange to consistently get his arse out of bed to see his son for a few hours once a week.
It’s not your job to ensure he has a relationship with his child, it’s his.
I've no idea if he can just walk off with the baby or not, you’d really need legal advice. Best of luck though.

OP hasn't got any lives with order so she's the one who needs to initiate court to get this if she wants to maintain the current living arrangements

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such awful experiences and are still struggling with this. Thank you so much for the advice, I’ve contacted a solicitor this afternoon to get some advice and to see how to progress moving forward. Its not something any parent needs ♥️