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Parenting

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Original poster

Anybody gone for no 3 cos they're desperate for a girl?

59 replies

desperatelyseekingsleep · 16/05/2008 14:51

I have 2 ds (3 and 1), both of which have been v hard work. I would really love a daughter but am I mad to try when life is such hard work already? Is the jump from 2 to 3 even bigger than the jump from 1 t 2? Also, what are my chances of a 3rd boy? Don't think I could cope with that... Anybody any advice or experience? Any surefire ways of conceiving a girl

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Lulumama · 16/05/2008 16:27

have conceived a boy and a girl 5 years apart, at the same time in my regular 28 day cycle.

i did want a girl, especially as we had decided we did not want 3 children, and i have a lovely strong relationshp with my mum whihc i very much wanted to have with a daughter of my own

when we started TTC, i realised i just wanted a baby!

was blessed with a lovely little girl, but had i had another boy , i would have actually been more inclined to have anotehr as i think 3 boys would be ace !

it is lovely doing the pretty clothes blah blah blah but that is not the be all and end all

have a 3rd if you want a 3rd child not a girl, IFYSWIM.

CoteDAzur · 16/05/2008 16:27

Mrs - Yes, Y chromosome is smaller. No, it does not contain less genetic material.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/05/2008 16:28

Aha! Just checked and now it's more common to use flow cytometry - where they use a dye that binds to DNA and then sort the sperm according to how much dye is taken up (the X sperm take up more, obviously).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Acinonyx · 16/05/2008 16:31

cote - actually there really is a statistically slightly higher chance of having another of the same sex when you have had 2 or more of one sex (either sex), despite the fact that the chromosomes should always segregate independently. It's not clear why this is - but there are a number of studies on it. The odds are only slightly altered though.

shouldbeworking · 16/05/2008 16:31

I once knew someone who tried the have a baby girl diet and now has 3 boys!!! My dh's grandma was one of 12....11 girls and finally 1 boy. An old work collegue gave up trying for a boy after 6 girls.
With each pregnancy you have the same odds of concieving a girl or boy as you did with the last and will do with the next. What sex you had last time has no bearing on what you will have next time.
A Mother and Baby magazine I bought when I was execting ds2 had a chart in it which predicted the sex of your baby based on mums age at conception and the month of conception. Don't know what happened to it but it was acurate for everyone I tried it with.

Acinonyx · 16/05/2008 16:33

Cote - the Y DOES contain less genetic material! There are over 10 x as many genes on the X.

PortAndLemon · 16/05/2008 16:50

I am aware of that, CdA.

But take an obvious example -- the mother is a carrier of something x-linked that is fatal to a male foetus. Each male embryo will have a 50% chance of being affected. So you'd expect that couple to have more full-term live birth girls than boys. No reason you can't have other genetic factors that aren't so cut-and-dried, one-way-or-the-other, definitely-live-or-definitely-die, but that skew the odds very subtly one way or the other (say 48-52, or 49-51). If so then there would be an overall statistical effect that would make it slightly more likely that a family with two of one sex would have a third child of the same sex than that they would have a third child of the other sex.

You state that there is a 1/8 chance of having three girls in a row. That is true if the odds each time are exactly 50 - 50. If they aren't if they are very slightly skewed for some reason then the odds could be 0.1248 or 0.1252.

Given that the overall odds do seem to be skewed, with 1.02 boys being born for every girl, it seems unlikely that the odds of having three girls will be exactly 1/8. They will be as near to 1/8 as makes very little difference, though.

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 16/05/2008 18:07

I think the route to happiness would actually lie in being happy and content with the children you have.

I have two boys. Before I had them I would proably have liked at least one girl, but now I have accepted that life has given me somethng else, not what I would have ordered, but so wonderful it would feel churlish to me, to hanker after somethng else.

I know this won't make me popular, and I don't mean to say it harshly, I genuinely believe you will be happy if you can appreciate what you do have rather than longing for something you don't. Truly.

So only have a baby if you wany a baby, a child, a person, otherwise you set yourself up for more disatisfaction. What if it;s another boy? Or a really difficult girl? or a tomboy? or another bot after that?

Our ideals are rarely fulfilled, so it's much healthier to enjoy the blessings you do have.

Easier said than done I know, but I would throughly recommend striving for that rather than 'a girl'.

scotsgirl · 16/05/2008 19:48

I read something recently about the levels of maternal testosterone having an effect on the gender of her baby. Women with higher testorerone levels are more likely to conceive boys, those with low levels will have girls. Most women are somewhere in the middle and slight hormonal fluctuations mean they can conceive either boy or girl.
The media framed it as 'stronger, more aggressive/successful women have boys, 'softer', more empathetic women have girls'. I'm sure the sociologists will have a field day with this explanation...

hotmama · 16/05/2008 20:21

I am a stroppy successful woman with 2dd's and expecting dc3.

Quite happy to have a boy or a girl - although would be easier to have a girl as have all the stuff. My sis has 2ds's and isn't putting her stuff on Ebay in case I have a boy!

Is it just people who have 2ds's hanker after a baby of the other sex - or are there some people with 2dd's that want a boy.

(pondering emoticon)

TwoCurlyWurlies · 16/05/2008 20:27

Everyone will assume you're going for the girl whether you are or not.

Friends of mine with 2 dds or 2 ds who were pregnant with the 3rd got fed up of all the "so is this the girl/boy this time time?" comments.

We were glad to have a dd and a ds, only because when pregnant with number 3 (another dd) we didn't get those silly comments. We did get "Why are having a third when you've already got a girl and a boy?!" Because we actually want another child....!?

Janni · 16/05/2008 20:30

Only read your OP but you must not do this unless you can love and accept a third boy - there is at least a 50% chance that this is what you will have. If you are desperate for a girl, consider adoption.

Original poster

desperatelyseekingsleep · 16/05/2008 20:30

Wow, what an interesting lot of replies. The general consensus seems to be that I'm quite likely to have another boy... Lavenders, your message struck a real chord, as I know I should really be counting my blessings having 2 healthy children. DH is always saying this to me and thinks I'm becoming obsessed with the girl thing. How do I let go of it though? I can't bear the thought of being the only female in a houseful of men for the rest of my life

OP posts:

Bluestocking · 16/05/2008 20:36

Isn't it funny how differently people feel about being outnumbered? I only have a son and won't have any more, but if I'd started younger I'd have loved a houseful of boys, having grown up with three sisters.

evenhope · 16/05/2008 20:48

I only wanted girls and DC1 was a girl. She was followed by DS1, DS2 and DS3. DS3 was only born because it was our last try for another girl

Flash forward 15 years. Experience of having 3 teenage boys very positive, and teenage girl very negative. Cue accidental pregnancy. Expecting DS4 but out comes DD2. Initial reaction was disappointment

It is human to have a preference but you need to be sure you will be happy with the baby if it turns out to be the "wrong" sex. (It's bizarre to have a girl again, but we're enjoying it)

jellyforbrains · 16/05/2008 20:49

TwoCurlyWurlies - I have had this comment too. Have a DS and DD and pg with 3rd and some people seem surprised that I want another as I have "1 of each". Though I suppose this is not as annoying as all the comments if you have 2 of one sex and everyone assumes you are trying for the other. I get lots of comments like "I suppose you don't mind what it is as you have a boy and girl" - I wouldn't mind either way anyway though.

To the OP, I can understand why you might be afraid of being outnumbered by men, but little boys are so affectionate and sweet. My DD, although completely lovely, is much harder work than my DS. Having a DD doesn't mean they will be less of a handful! YOu will just have to make sure you are a lovely MIL to your future DILs and you can have some female company later on!

WestCountryLass · 16/05/2008 20:51

Well I have a DS and a DD and when I got PG with my DC3 lots of people assummed it was accident wheninfact I really wanted another baby. Plenty of people with 3 or more kids have them because they want them, not because they have 2 DC the same sex and want the other sex as well.

If you want another baby, have another baby but not jsut because you feel fate has you hard done by.

staranise · 16/05/2008 21:02

I've got two DDs and am pregnant with number three. We've always wanted 3 DCs, irrespective of the sex, though I was very happy to have girls. If I could choose the sex of the third, I would choose a boy, partly for novelty sake, partly becasue the idea of three teenage daughters seems quite scary and partly so I could knit some cute little boys' clothes

But really don't mind, as long as baby is healthy )

If you're really having a third in order to have a particular sex, you are possibly setting yourself up for major disappointment!

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 16/05/2008 21:19

DSS, it's hard to let go of something once you have become so focused on it, I know just saying it dosn't mean you can do it.

I wonder why you are so disastisfied? You mention your boys are hard work, maybe it's your experience so far with them that you are struggling with and have an idea that it would be esaier/better/happier with a girl? If there is some truth in this, then it would be better to think about how you can become more satisfied and work towards making things easier and more enjoyable. The more you can enjoy your boys the less you will feel you are mssing out.

I also think you have to start to accept the life you have and stop focusing and dwelling on the things you don't have. Stop the thoughts about what you are missing and daydreaming about what it could have been like and start focusing your thinking on the good things about what you do have.

Are your boys affcetionate? think about the special bond mothers have with boys, how often they are more vulnerable and need you more, about what simple and striaght forward ceatures they are, about what funny strapping young men they will be who will compare all women against you and how you will fiercly defend them against all potential heartache, how as men they will want to protect their Mum and take contraol and sort things out for you etc etc (others feel free to add to this list).

there are things you won't get to do if you don't have a daughter, but let them go and try to focus more on all the wonderful things you do have.

become more concious of your thougts, try to stop the dwelling, it will be hard at first but if you can start to change how you think about your situation you will start to change how you feel about it (ask any CBT counsellor) and will find you can become happy with what you have.

If this sounds flippant, it is certainly not meant to, I know how hard it must be

allytjd · 16/05/2008 21:21

i have three boys after hoping for a girl(but not fiercely). I had a lot of ups and downs when PG (knew sex 'cos of amnio results), the main cause of angst was that I know lots of couples with two babies of one gender who had a third of the opposite gender around the time I was expecting DS3, I am the only one who had three boys! I now realise that what i wanted was a child who was even a little bit like me in personality and interests(DS1 and DS2 are like DH), as DS3 has grown older I realise that he is much more like me than the other two and I really enjoy this, I rarely daydream about girls now.
One problem we have tho'(was just about to post about it when I saw this thread actually) is that having three boys causes problems as the oldest boy contrasts the amount of time his friends (who are only sons) spend with their dads compared to the amount of time his dad manages to spend alone with him. This time is limited becuase DH is shared between three boys. His friends seem to come from families where Mum goes off with the girl and Dad goes off with the boy, DS1 gets very cross about it and makes DH v. upset

onlygirlinthehouse · 16/05/2008 21:28

the jump from 2 to 3 is pretty big I think, with 2 you have one each to look after but with 3 there is always this extra one to deal with!!!

BTW wasnt desperate for a girl but thought it was worth a try, think my name gives away how successful I was!

LynetteScavo · 16/05/2008 21:28

deperatelyseekingsleep, I have a girl after 2 boys, and she insists she's a boy, will ony wear boy PJ's, and says dresses are for babies. She's not yet 3. If you want a girl for girly reasons, you could be disapaointed.

Also, I know someone who was desperate for a girl, so had a 3rd (boy), then a 4th (boy) then a fith (boy), so she tried again. You've guessed it, she now has 6 boys.

If you couldn't cope with a 3rd boy, don't go there! I found the jump form 2 to 3 HARD.

WilfSell · 16/05/2008 21:29

just flew in to say I misread girl as 'pee' (WTF?)

I'll go now.

onlygirlinthehouse · 16/05/2008 21:33

I was my mums token girl after 2 boys, and wasnt the least bit girly, wouldnt wear dresses and played with my brothers toys. dont think my mum has ever forgiven me!

alicet · 16/05/2008 22:00

Cote the Y chromosome DOES have less genetic material. This is why you can have sex-linked conditions that only boys get as they have a geen for that condition on their X chromosome that is not also on their Y chromosome and therefore they have the condition - in girls if they have that gene it can be counterbalanced by an opposing one on the other X.

I have 2 boys. I tried Hazel whatever her name is method to try and get a girl the second time and it didn't work. Actually coming up to my 20 week scan when we found out I started to think that actually I would like another boy as I think in a lot of ways having 2 the same is lovely for them. Sure I would have been happy with either.

I do think about trying for a girl. But I think you should really only do this if you would be able to be happy with another boy. Nothing wrong with having a prefernce and grieving for the daughter you will never have. But I think you need to know that you would get over it before the baby arrived and not be in a position where you felt you couldn't cope with a 3rd boy. Hardly fair on that child is it?

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