Anyone else said goodbye to their kids for first week of Easter holidays?

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

Dd7 went today for first week of Easter holidays. I'll see her next Friday. We've never been apart that long. She was in tears as she didn't want to go but of course I encouraged her and she did. I miss her but I'm OK. Just getting on with things.

Doesn't help her Dad is an abuser and already he's being a prick.. example being there's an event tomorrow I've asked if he could bring her to which he knew I'd be at also (think dancing competition).. he's now suddenly taken issue with me being there and is threatening not to bring her...

I've a lifetime of this.

Anyone else in a similar position?

Sorry where did she go?

With her dad.

Her dad's, I'm guessing.

That must be really hard. Does she like going? Is there something you can do that you don’t normally to make it easier so you can have a positive?

Are you and her both taking part in the event tomorrow?

I'm watching her. As the parent who takes her to all her clubs and pays for everything. I watch to support her. Bit of an odd question to ask.

Right, but her Dad can watch her if he's taking her? You don't have to go, so I do see where he is coming from, sorry.

So it’s his time, but you’re still going to be there to watch? I’ve seen this with separated parents at DC’s school and honestly, it’s gets confusing for the kids sometimes.

You also can’t really dictate what he does with her on his time, you can only hope he wants to take her.

I hear you OP. That used to be me.
My ex is awful. DD is now 12 and sees him for exactly what he is, she doesn’t want to see him anymore. Hang in there.

But if he won’t take her if you’re there then you won’t be watching her. If it’s going to be a problem then don’t go, let him take her so she can take part.

Yep, DD was picked up from school by her Dad and I will see her next Friday too. Like you, it's the longest she's been with him since we separated. She seemed to be a bit anxious about it but it's important they get used to spending a bit longer together over the holidays and although at times she doesn't want to go she always has a good time once she's there.
I say this with kindness but do you have to be at the event today? If the important thing is that DD goes then would the compromise be to agree not to go? I appreciate that it's really tough when you do the hard yards for a hobby. I've managed to book DD onto something next Thursday that I know she'll love. Her dad will take her but I won't be going. I'm a bit sad that I won't get to see it but at least DD will have a great time.

But she won't get to take part because you are there. You need to put her first and stay home. He needs to too, but you're the one that needs to step back this time. She deserves a relationship with her father without you. For her, not him.

To be honest OP, my EXH was awful and as a result, if DD has a dance event that he takes her to on his days with her, I won’t go, despite me being the one taking her weekly (well DH does) and paying for it. If I was going to turn up, he’d probably say why don’t you just take her etc. But I won’t go as I don’t want to be near him.

He will never form his own good habits for taking his child to these events if you always dominate them OP, if he doesn’t want you there then don’t go. That way he may still take DD and it can be an event for her, not a coparenting battle field. Plus she will want her dad to see her! Step aside for this one

Yep, I’ll be saying goodbye to mine on Thursday for two weeks. They’re going away with their dad. He’s taking them on a lovely holiday so I’m not too bothered about that, but I’ll miss them. 😭

DD wants me there. She's told him. It's a dance competition where a number of other separated parents manage to watch their children. This is the first week of holiday time they have together. It's not about allowing him to parent etc. He wants to control everything. Absolutely everything.

Yes similar boat with similar ex. Rather this time is a day or two back and forth and then my DC is with him over Easter. But it’s very confusing - he does that on purpose, unable to keep track of a diary and with sudden work commitments that are deemed more important than mine. I actually would prefer one week off and one week on!

Hooe your DD has settled. It’s the worst when they don’t want to go :(

Sorry @DontGoChasinWaterfalls but it’s not him being the prick in this situation it’s you.
if yours and his relationship is toxic don’t insert yourself in his time it’s only your daughter that will suffer by not participating and that will be on you and your decision that you must attend

You're not listening to what people are saying. He won't take her so you won't be watching her. Step back this time. Maybe in the future you too can be one of those co-parenting families but right now you're both too petty.

She will be fine with just him there though, hes told you not to go so don’t go. Don’t allow him to ruin it for her

Let your daughter and her father go to the event together. If you go to 95% of them it's a chance for the pair of them to bond over something obviously important to her.

Yes, you will miss her. Try and fill the time with things for you as a person, not you as a Mum. She'll be back before you know it.

I'm really sorry, OP, that your daughter has an abusive prick for a father. And I'm very sorry he makes things to hurt you and her. I can't imagine how hard it must be.
Have you got support from people who really understands the situation? Do you think your daughter is safe with him? I hope you have help and support: sending my best wishes 🙏💐

But if he doesn’t want to see you so won’t take her if you’re there then you won’t be watching her anyway. You need to step back and let him have his week.

OP there’s a lot of people on here who clearly don’t know how hard it is to co-parent with an abusive arsehole who cares more about upsetting/controlling you than his child. It’s galling that you do all the hard work, and he won’t accommodate his own child’s wish for their mum to be there. And then you have people on here telling you you’re petty/you need to let him parent etc - I imagine no-one really expects him to think of activities to bond with her over… the bar is so depressingly low. It’s miserable, and I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation. Wishing you the strength to rise above it however best you can.

Some of us are speaking from experience of coparenting with an arsehole that makes things difficult, and are further down the line and giving advice. I wish I could set the ‘bar’ for my ex to do better but that’s not how it works so i do the best for my child instead, even when the means not doing what I want. OP sounds new to this experience and unfortunately sometimes the lessons are hard to learn.

Also nobody has said he shouldn’t think of his own activities, but this activity falls in his time so of course he should make the effort to enjoy it with her. She shouldn’t miss out on it because she’s at her dads