Breastfeeding - where am I going wrong?

[Syp832]

I’ve just given birth to DS2, he is only 2 weeks old and I really want to breastfeed him but i have no idea how to do it.

he was jaundiced and very sleepy when born so wouldn’t breastfeed and I ended up having to top him up with formula when he was 2 days old. Ever since then breastfeeding has gone on a downward spiral and I don’t know how to get it back. He is currently bottle fed with expressed milk and formula about 50/50.

he is 2 weeks old but has only ever breastfed for 10mins or more about 3 or 4 times because he was too sleepy. But he is now beginning to wake up and be more alert, so I think he could feed well if we could just work out the latch.

it doesn’t help that the first 2 weeks of his life were hectic because we moved into a new house and had to get some urgent works done, so we haven’t had much chance to just sit skin to skin and focus on feeding. I’ve also had a toddler at home with me for the first two
weeks. But things are a lot calmer now and toddler will be going to childcare, so I think we should be able to focus on feeding. I just don’t know how to do it. I’m currently pumping but only getting 30mls or so at a time, although baby is small at 6lbs so maybe that’s not too much of an issue.

does anyone have any advice? Or like a step by step plan I can follow to get us breastfeeding? I spoke to a lactation consultant whose main advice was just to pump regularly and try putting baby to my boob but not to force it. I just don’t see how that will get us breastfeeding.

i never managed to breastfeed my eldest due to PND, and him also being too sleepy /jaundiced to feed. I just really wanted to do better by my second son, but it feels hopeless right now.

They may feel less full but they are not empty in the sense that nothing is coming out per the (very recent) advice from my IBCLC consultant. Milk is like a hot water tap it’s continually replenished.

That might be true but that doesn’t mean you have specific experience of every scenario and some of the advice you’ve given is incorrect based on the most up to date guidance.

I don’t mean to be an asshole but I had some well meaning but incorrect and out of date advice myself which hampered my breastfeeding journey.

OP - definitely speak to a lactation consultant I really found it worth it.

That’s nonsense. It takes time to replenish. It isn’t instant!

If you don’t mean to be an asshole then stop being one!

I’m still breastfeeding now so not a long time ago!

Your advice is incorrect.

From la leche league and as I said, on the advice of my IBCLC…. Are they also both incorrect?

It’s SO frustrating when people are so dogmatic about things which aren’t true per the expert advice and really unhelpful to new mums who are struggling.

I personally did bottles and shields for the first few weeks, took the bottle away after a few weeks which was fine, then after a few months took the shield away - this was harder, we had to learn to latch better and I think bottle and shield are similar, but the nipple is different. Baby was older and bigger and stronger though and I wasn’t worried anymore about supply, the pressure was off too because if it wasn’t working I could just go back to the shield and not worry about a hungry baby.

I think it also depends why it’s not working atm. eg is it a supply issue (unlikely) a technique issue, something to do with your nipple shape, tongue tie etc.
if a bottle and nipple shield both work fine I’d say it’s technique (yours or baby’s) or nipple shape. The nipple shield kindof helps you in the interim with both those issues and you can get in person support to help with technique.

when you say you try for 15 what do you mean? Is the baby crying that whole time? I found they need to be settled and soothed or neither of you will get anywhere.
is the shield working for you or does that still take 15 mins/sometimes not work?

The fact that it sounds like you had a really good feed this morning should encourage you that you’ve got this.

hold that memory in your mind of your baby at your breast.

you’ve got this.

I think it’s so easy to listen to so many voices and losing your own instinct.

if this is what you want, you know that you and your baby are both able to do this.

one of the worst things about being a new mum (even though this is your second, it’s the first time being a mum to this little one!) is losing your confidence and being lost in a whirl of questioning absolutely everything.
are the too hot or too cold? Are they overtired or not tired enough?
and undoubtedly the biggest one is are they hungry,am I not feeding them enough or well enough?

You’re feed this morning sounds blissful to me (I’m 19 & 24 years past this shit 😂).
so take confidence that you can both do this, I’m sure you’ll get there.

wishing you lots of luck and remember , I doesn’t last for ever 💐

You need a lactation consultant. Not sure if that's a thing or easily accessible where you are

I too had a sleepy baby and was told and shown how to manually pump the breast as he nursed which did some of the work for him. I still had supply issues until we took a 9 hour flight at 2 months, I had him on the boob the whole time awake or asleep and my supply matched his need thereafter. So I'd say just have him on the boob more, a lot more

It's just not as full feeling and harder to extract. The milk is always there as its made from your blood. As baby gets older you don't get the same full feeling before but milk still flows. You can never empty a breast as the milk is being made while the baby is feeding too. It doesn't actually run out. Although it may feel like it! :)

Not really, as I hardly got anything anyway. I hope you can get some support as I'm sure you're doing all the right things but it's nice to get some reassurance. Stress also messes up your supply, which isn't ideal when baby won't feed!

Patronising much? I’m well aware thank you of how it works having fed 3 babies and I can assure you my 2 year old empties mine every time she feeds 😂

Don’t go round telling people it flows like a hot water tap because that’s BS and you know it is.

It’s physically impossible to get all the milk out though because it’s always being made. Facts aren’t patronising? You can also see from the link someone has posted above from a bf website which explains it. I could link several others. The milk ducts don’t just run totally dry and switch off. Some women can still squeeze some out months after stopping!

Anyway for the OP whose milk supply is hormonally driven at this age, it’s really important to keep removing milk in a regular occurrence whether by pump or latching. If baby wont latch you need to pump to replicate the feeding. To get the supply going and also prevent mastitis. OP you may find that if she’s too angry to go on the boob then give her some milk first then quickly see if you can take the bottle away and latch her on. Spending a good period of time doing skin to skin with lots of feeding time is also a good idea. I’d also get her checked for tongue tie if she keeps coming off.

That’s exactly how it works as another poster has explained how it’s continually made/replenished. Are you going to apologise for repeatedly calling me “incorrect” and just generally being arsey when you were in fact wrong? I won’t hold my breath.

This is why it’s SO important to seek professional support and not just rely on “information” on the internet from Jenny from Swindon or whatever who apparently knows better than a qualified consultant as she’s breastfed 3 kids 🙄.

Why are you so insistent that you're right, when a quick Google shows the opposite? It's okay to take new information on board and accept that you were wrong.

You are being unnecessarily pedantic. She takes a full feed which means she has emptied the breast. It may not be technically “empty” by definition but it’s empty as far as she is concerned. This is then replenished ready for her next full feed.

If OP chooses to pump she should pump after feeding and not before for this very reason.

I am not wrong about a breast not being like a hot water tap!

Oh come on you seriously are happy to go round telling people a breast works like a hot water tap???

Really?!

And yes experience counts when it comes to breastfeeding. Probably more than a qualification!

You're doing a lot of backtracking now.

You said "That’s nonsense. It takes time to replenish. It isn’t instant!" And this is wrong. The breast is never empty and is making milk as baby feeds.

The hot water tap analogy isn't saying there's a constant strong flow but if baby is latched and actively sucking, then the breast is "on" and milk will be coming out.

The breastfeeding network has advice online and a free helpline 24hours - you can ask anything. Also, they can point you towards local drop in baby groups with advisors and volunteers there every week.

https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/breastfeeding-information/getting-started-with-breastfeeding/how-to-breastfeed/
There’s lots of info here and even more on the website. Try not to feel overwhelmed. Not everything will apply to your situation. Also, remember this is a steep learning curve for both you AND your baby- neither of you have done this before. Ask for and take all the support you can get. Trust your instincts as well though. Ultimately try to relax and go with the flow. It’s takes time to get used to no matter. Wishing you both all the very best ❤️

It is nonsense and you know it is. It does not flow like a hot water tap. It just doesn’t. The breast may continuously be making milk but that doesn’t mean the baby can access it!

Of course it does. My baby will take a full feed and my boobs will feel empty, but if I squeeze my breast, I can always hand express more.

And I’ve got better things to do than argue with you about breastfeeding. Don’t do round telling people their milk should be flowing like a hot water tap. Just don’t.

Yes a tiny amount. Not much use to a baby - who wants a full feed. My advice was to pump after feeding and not before! Do you disagree???