Parents of younger children, are you thinking of delaying smartphone for your DC?

[CEOmum]

My child is in reception and we have signed the parent pact with Smartphone Free Childhood pledging not to introduce a smartphone to our child till age 14 or over. In recent times it seems Year 6 has been the normal year when parents buy kids a smartphone ready for secondary school.

Where we live (south London) a borough has banned smartphones from all schools and it looks like others will be following. My hope is that we can make it normalised to not provide smartphones so that those with smartphones are the outliers rather than the norm, and that the peer pressure / pressure on parents will be lessened if the majority of kids in a class / town area are all using brick phones as standard.

When I come on Mumsnet I read a lot of parents saying this is naive, that the genie is out the bottle, that you can’t control kids using the internet and we just need to reach them how to regulate and use smartphones sensibly. I think that a lot of these parents have older kids / teens already using smartphones and so they are having to justify this, and I can see it’s too difficult to take away once they’ve got used to it.

In our case (parents of younger children) I feel we’ve got a real opportunity here to change the culture and not introduce smartphones until the children (adults?) are better equipped to deal with it. I don’t think we should be asking children to manage this (the entire internet available to them anytime anywhere, social media). I understand the views that you want your child to be safe travelling to and from school etc, but brick phones can help. As can air tags - for parents who feel better tracking their child.

There are various new brick phones coming out which enable smart messaging / WhatsApp type stuff and Google maps but not unfettered access to internet browsers or social media.

I’m not naïve (am a secondary teacher) and I know the impact smartphones are having on children’s lives - among other devastating situations I’ve had to deal with a 13 yo girl in my form class being groomed by a boy into a sexual act which was filmed then shared round the whole school and online.

All the Jonathan Haidt research has convinced me that (contrary to our assumptions) our children are safer walking the street than they used to be in many ways but the real dangers are in their pockets (smartphones). He also emphasises the importance and value of a play-based childhood on appropriate risk-taking and development, which has been lost. As a starting point, we live in a cul de sac and have been encouraging our DC to play outside with other kids from the street and as they get older we will continue to do so with one or two parents taking turns to watch over allowing a bit more independence.

Anyway I was hoping to find out if there are other parents of younger children (reception aged or thereabouts) who are thinking of doing things differently? I have found a lot of naysayers on here among the parents of older children who would have you believe all hope is lost, and that 10 year olds getting smartphones are just an inevitability, but I’m not prepared to accept that.

Re the bus pass issue - I think as parents we collectively need to challenge this. It’s not inclusive anyway (what about families who can’t afford smartphones) and the companies or whoever issues the bus passes should be held to account and move to paper or another system which more aligns with the needs of the school children and parents.

I feel extremely lucky my older child isn't one to follow the crowd or be influenced by others as much as kids normally are so we are holding out till 14 with relative ease.

I expect my younger child to be more "normal" and want what her friends have so I expect holding out will be much harder with her but we are quite determined. I'm hoping by tge time she gets to junior school the culture will have changed and more people will be wanted to keeps kids away from smart phones.

I’m fed up with this idea of just rolling over and accepting it as the status quo. The social media companies have taken us all prisoner and we do not have to shrug and say, too bad it’s how the world works now. No thank you. The comparisons to smoking and seat belts are very pertinent.

Also the pp saying this is virtue signalling is so wrong- this is about making a genuine lifeline for our children.

As a mum who happens to love gadgets, I find myself torn between my inner geek and my parental instincts. On the one hand, I know how exciting technology can be; on the other, I’ve watched my child vanish into a screen for hours. The idea of smartphone‑free schools speaks to that tension. Taking devices out of the classroom isn’t just about control – it’s about giving children the space to focus on friends, learning and play without constant notifications.
But a blanket ban isn’t the whole answer. We also need tech that respects children’s developmental stages. There are kid‑friendly phones that start life as a simple brick – no social media and no app store – but still let kids call and text trusted contacts. Parents can switch apps on gradually, keep an eye on location with safe zones and even hide or unhide apps remotely. These devices include AI filters to prevent nudity from being shown or captured, and the school/bedtime modes are perfect for blocking distractions.
For me, it’s about teaching my child that technology is a tool, not a master. Smartphone‑free classrooms can help with that, and so can thoughtfully designed devices that let kids ease into the online world without being overwhelmed.

DS is 10 and we bought him a watch that can make calls, so voice notes and has a tracker as he walks home from school. He is one of the first of his friends. Only 1 girl has a phone and the kids all comment that when they go to the park she doesn't play she just sits on her phone and it's sad. I'm hoping to hold off for as long as possible and thankfully so do his friends parents.

My daughter is in year 5. She’ll be walking to and from school at secondary so at the moment planning on a brick plus AirTag, or a locked down smartphone. Views on it are a bit mixed where I am.

I’m a secondary teacher and I do wish smartphones had never been invented!

My eldest turns 11 next week (although has additional needs so emotionally and cognitively more like 8)
my youngest is 8. Neither of them have ever had tablets or access to you tube or social media platforms.

This will not change anytime soon.
In all honesty neither of them have ever asked for phones etc despite most of their friends having them.

Perhaps you could try a smartphone with restrictions and parental locks and blockers. I think its important to engage with the child of the dangers that may happen with pressing the wrong buttons.

It’s laudable and obviously the right thing to do. I really hope it becomes widespread. Our issue was that everyone and I mean everyone (except one family who are quite strange and isolationist generally) had given their year 6s phones. So Dd was being really left out. She became very upset and resented us so we gave in.

When you have a 12 year old crying at being excluded because of your decision that’s a hard call. But if even a minority of others didn’t have phones either it would have been easier for us to hold out.

I went to a talk and a the speaker said a really high percentage of gen z said they wished their parents had withheld phones.

I think it may be naive to commit today to no phones till 14 as you don't know how the situation may change. You may move to a different area that makes using a phone necessary. You may find that your dc is isolated and singled out by being the only one without a phone.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of holding out on screens as long as possible. When my eldest was born I said no tv or screens till he's a teen. I held out 4 years... Eventually caved.

I'm not keen on getting them a phone too early and I'd love to hold out for a long long time yet. But none of us know what's in the future.

Plus, let's face it, it's not legally binding so you can still get them a phone whenever - so the whole thing is a bit pointless. Rather than set a specific age long in advance, it may be better to consider as the years pass, when your child and your circumstances make getting them a phone the right decision. Be that at 12, 14 or 16.

I also think that focusing too much on the age may make us forget the other things that should be done. Rather than be intransigeant about the 14yo thing, maybe consider what they need to know to use a phone safely. I'd be more comfortable with a 12yo getting a phone who'd also had some chats about safety online and regular checkins with parents about online activity, than just handing a phone to a 14yo and letting them get on with it...

Presumably you can just lie about your child's age, can't you ?

Our 2 children are 8 & 10, we have had conversations with them about this and they understand they won't be getting smart phones until they are 15 plus. They have friends who have them & they don't understood the obsession. Thankfully their primary school have a strict no phones on site policy, and the high school they will go to also has a very strict policy that they are not allowed to use phones at school at all, they must stay in their bags at all times. If they are seen with it the parents have to collect it at the end of the day.