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Original poster

Ex's GF at parents evening

40 replies

Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 18:25

My husband and I have been divorced for over two years. All fairly amicable. Last year he started seeing a girl who seems very nice but recently she attended the parents evening for my daughter and I cant help feeling this isnt right at all.
She has only been in my daughters life for a short time and I dont think she should be involved to this level. It feels very much like overstepping.
I only found out as my daughter told me that the GF had said she needs to work harder on her English.

Am I wrong to be upset by this?
My ex husband never once attended a parents evening for my sons,from a previous relationship as we thought it would be wrong.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 22/03/2025 18:27

Is there a reason you don’t go yourself?

I think in this situation you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. Was your daughter upset she had gone?

Meadowfinch · 22/03/2025 18:44

I would feel she was over stepping too, but I've always gone to my DC's parents evenings, so no-one else has needed to.

Does the school know she isn't a parent or have PR? Hopefully she was trying to be kind & supportive.

It would be a good idea to have a conversation with your ex if possible. At least so you are all aware of who is doing what. It will make it easier on your dd.

Doseofreality · 22/03/2025 18:45

She shouldn’t be there.
You should be there.

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Families
DenholmElliot11 · 22/03/2025 18:46

Doseofreality · 22/03/2025 18:45

She shouldn’t be there.
You should be there.

This. It's usually the parents who attend.

Snorlaxo · 22/03/2025 18:47

Did ex go or did she attend instead of ex?

Playing Devil’s Advocate (because I think it’s way too soon) but is she the one who helps with homework at their house ? You used English rather than Literacy so I assume your child is in secondary but you might not be in England.

Hollyhedge · 22/03/2025 18:47

Where were you and where was the ex? Was she stepping in as no one else could?

Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:13

Just to reiterate, I went on a different day. Gf attended with my ex.
My daughter is 8 so still in Primary

OP posts:
Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:13

hopeishere · 22/03/2025 18:27

Is there a reason you don’t go yourself?

I think in this situation you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. Was your daughter upset she had gone?

I went on a different day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:14

hopeishere · 22/03/2025 18:27

Is there a reason you don’t go yourself?

I think in this situation you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. Was your daughter upset she had gone?

My daughter said she didnt want the girlfriend there.

OP posts:
Hollyhedge · 22/03/2025 19:16

That would be too much for me. Unneccesary too

OrlandointheWilderness · 22/03/2025 19:19

I went to my DSSs parent evening this year - but I’ve been in his life for four years and his DM asked if I would like to go with DP as she couldn’t make it. That is the difference, without her express say so I wouldn’t have dreamt of it because it is stepping over a line imo.

Gundogday · 22/03/2025 19:19

Maybe she just accompanied the ex, rather than particulated, as such.

Bellyblueboy · 22/03/2025 19:22

How old is the girlfriend - and does she have children of her own. It sounds like a really immature thing to do. I would never do it if I was dating a man withe children.

Many years ago my friends ex acquired a new girlfriend who was young, silly and got carried away about being a ‘step-mum’. She over stepped like this because she thought it made her grown up and made her relationship serious. the shit hit the fan when she collected the little one from school on the day the tickets were being handed out for the nativity play. She took one ticket for her, one for her mum and one for her boyfriend🤣.

HopingForTheBest25 · 22/03/2025 19:26

I think this is a conversation you have with your ex - tell him that while you appreciate his gf is trying to be supportive, it's inappropriate. Remind him that he never attended parents' evening for your sons because he felt it wasn't the right thing and he was actually their step father, not just your boyfriend! So why is it appropriate for him to take someone who has no PR and has only been in DD's life for a couple of years. You can tell him that dd wasn't comfortable with it either.

Ultimately, you can't stop him from taking her, but a decent dad would take his child's feelings on board and would respect your stance on this. If he's not minded to respect your pov, you could, in addition, make clear to the school that she isn't a parent and your dd has expressed to you that she want any important welfare information passed directly to you or her dad, rather than dad's gf!

spotthespoter · 22/03/2025 19:37

This is overstepping and is what my sons dads girlfriend did, I had him during the week and he picked him up from school Fridays and he came home Saturday eve so after picking him up from school and finding the letter in his bag, they both made appointments as it was on a Friday and went and I had no idea they’d had parents evening until he mentioned it on Saturday.
she also kept a Mother’s Day gift he’s made at school in year 1 because he handed it to her when being collected on Friday, he came home crying that he couldn’t give it to me and asked me if I could ask to see it as it was for me but on their window sill. Some people just don’t know boundaries and some men will stay out of it for a quiet life.

Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:38

Bellyblueboy · 22/03/2025 19:22

How old is the girlfriend - and does she have children of her own. It sounds like a really immature thing to do. I would never do it if I was dating a man withe children.

Many years ago my friends ex acquired a new girlfriend who was young, silly and got carried away about being a ‘step-mum’. She over stepped like this because she thought it made her grown up and made her relationship serious. the shit hit the fan when she collected the little one from school on the day the tickets were being handed out for the nativity play. She took one ticket for her, one for her mum and one for her boyfriend🤣.

Yes thats kind of what I think. She's quite young and a bit immature. Maybe getting a bit carried away with being a stepmum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:44

spotthespoter · 22/03/2025 19:37

This is overstepping and is what my sons dads girlfriend did, I had him during the week and he picked him up from school Fridays and he came home Saturday eve so after picking him up from school and finding the letter in his bag, they both made appointments as it was on a Friday and went and I had no idea they’d had parents evening until he mentioned it on Saturday.
she also kept a Mother’s Day gift he’s made at school in year 1 because he handed it to her when being collected on Friday, he came home crying that he couldn’t give it to me and asked me if I could ask to see it as it was for me but on their window sill. Some people just don’t know boundaries and some men will stay out of it for a quiet life.

Oh thats awful. Thankfully I havent had anything like that but that must be horrible.
Do people not think about how their actions will affect others?

OP posts:
YourLuckyPearlGoose · 22/03/2025 19:45

Maybe her going was the only way Dad would go (if he hasn’t been interested until now).

Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:47

HopingForTheBest25 · 22/03/2025 19:26

I think this is a conversation you have with your ex - tell him that while you appreciate his gf is trying to be supportive, it's inappropriate. Remind him that he never attended parents' evening for your sons because he felt it wasn't the right thing and he was actually their step father, not just your boyfriend! So why is it appropriate for him to take someone who has no PR and has only been in DD's life for a couple of years. You can tell him that dd wasn't comfortable with it either.

Ultimately, you can't stop him from taking her, but a decent dad would take his child's feelings on board and would respect your stance on this. If he's not minded to respect your pov, you could, in addition, make clear to the school that she isn't a parent and your dd has expressed to you that she want any important welfare information passed directly to you or her dad, rather than dad's gf!

Unfortunately my ex is not particularly emotionally mature and doesnt understand my point of view at all. When I spoke to him about this he saw nothing wrong.
He has only been with this girl for just under a year yet seems determined that she take on a lot of parental responsibilities.

OP posts:
Bernadinetta · 22/03/2025 19:47

Snorlaxo · 22/03/2025 18:47

Did ex go or did she attend instead of ex?

Playing Devil’s Advocate (because I think it’s way too soon) but is she the one who helps with homework at their house ? You used English rather than Literacy so I assume your child is in secondary but you might not be in England.

It is called English in primary schools in England.

Original poster
Lupiluu · 22/03/2025 19:51

Snorlaxo · 22/03/2025 18:47

Did ex go or did she attend instead of ex?

Playing Devil’s Advocate (because I think it’s way too soon) but is she the one who helps with homework at their house ? You used English rather than Literacy so I assume your child is in secondary but you might not be in England.

She went with him. They attended on a different day to me.
We're in England ,my daughter is only 8.

OP posts:
Catsandcannedbeans · 22/03/2025 19:52

My dad turned up to my first post divorce parents evening with his new gf. She was younger and I think was very keen on being a step mum. It was so weird, because when she was stood next to my mum, you can very clearly see my dad has a type. The woman who is my step mum now, who was married to my dad through all my secondary education never went. You couldn’t have paid her to spend a Friday evening hanging around a school hearing about me misbehaving in geography class.

I think it’s a bit strange and overstepping, especially since it’s primary school. Maybe secondary school, if she was helping with homework and had been in the child’s life a long time… but even then I don’t think I’d want to go to a parents evening unless it was my biological child, they’re a bit boring.

Northernbychoice · 22/03/2025 20:03

My ex wanted his gf to come to parents eve but I said no. We go together so practically it’s a bit much having 3 ‘parents’ there in addition to the child (as at my DC’s school the child is present also). It wasn’t just that but I find it difficult to articulate why. I basically said do you want a future bf of mine coming & so ex decided that it was best if his gf didn’t come. We do all go to school events and extra curricular activities together. She lives with my ex & my DC like her.

If your DC doesn’t want the gf there then she shouldn’t go IMO.

Northernbychoice · 22/03/2025 20:08

Catsandcannedbeans · 22/03/2025 19:52

My dad turned up to my first post divorce parents evening with his new gf. She was younger and I think was very keen on being a step mum. It was so weird, because when she was stood next to my mum, you can very clearly see my dad has a type. The woman who is my step mum now, who was married to my dad through all my secondary education never went. You couldn’t have paid her to spend a Friday evening hanging around a school hearing about me misbehaving in geography class.

I think it’s a bit strange and overstepping, especially since it’s primary school. Maybe secondary school, if she was helping with homework and had been in the child’s life a long time… but even then I don’t think I’d want to go to a parents evening unless it was my biological child, they’re a bit boring.

This made me chuckle as loads of people have commented how alike me and the ex’s gf look. Obviously, he traded me in for a younger version though!

Teisen1990 · 22/03/2025 20:09

Seems like she's dammed either way.
Isn't it a good thing she's taking an active interest?
I've always attended DSS parents evening because my DH and I are a team in raising every child under our roof.

I seem to have the unpopular opinion but this isn't the hill I would choose to die on personally.