Ex's GF at parents evening

[Lupiluu]

My husband and I have been divorced for over two years. All fairly amicable. Last year he started seeing a girl who seems very nice but recently she attended the parents evening for my daughter and I cant help feeling this isnt right at all.
She has only been in my daughters life for a short time and I dont think she should be involved to this level. It feels very much like overstepping.
I only found out as my daughter told me that the GF had said she needs to work harder on her English.

Am I wrong to be upset by this?
My ex husband never once attended a parents evening for my sons,from a previous relationship as we thought it would be wrong.

I am surprised the teacher / school allowed 2 appointments for the same child. If you went together then that would freeze her out perhaps.

How does the child’s mother feel about this?

I can’t imagine why a step parent would need to go to a parents evening. I understand you spend some time with the child, but so do grandparents and aunts & uncles.

my parents look after my neice after school every day and do homework with her etc. they are more related that a step parent (their relations isn’t through marriage, a divorce wouldn’t stop them being grandparents) but they don’t need to go to parents evening. I just don’t understand why you need to be there if there are two involved parents

Unfortunately we couldn't go on the same day. The school offer several slots and the parents book them online

Definitely overstepping

I’m a step parent and I do think it’s overstepping but I’d take that over someone not being interested to be honest. If you’d been there on the same day though that definitely would have been strange.

Only someone without kids who is trying too hard would go to a parent’s evening they didn’t have to go to. 😂

No, it’s ridiculous and an invasion of privacy. But it’s even more ridiculous that you are taking up two slots because you can’t go together. One of you goes and updates the other, preferably the parent attending is the one the child primarily lives with. Dh and I have never attended parents evening together or another school meeting. One of us goes. I am conscious he may be a twat who insists on going but then doesn’t communicate so I would make sure the school is aware of this and books it in with you.

But no, it’s ridiculous and inappropriate to be involving yourself in the education of someone’s child when you are only just dating.

My only thought would be is she a teacher or TA when it may make sense.

If your child isn't happy with her being there then speak to the school - they can speak to your child who sounds able to decide if they consent. I don't see how they can provide any of your child's data to someone who is not their legal parent or guardian against the child's consent. I would think they are on dodgy ground sharing a child's data with a 3rd party anyway. If they know she's just a gf and the child isnt comfortable the teacher can ask her to wait outside while they talk to the dad. There is info on Information Commissioners website about data sharing and children.

I would say as long as you, the father and child are comfortable then it would be fine but if they child is expressing she doesn’t want her there then you should have a conversation with the ex and explain this and then bring the child in the conversation and let the child express how she’s feeling hope this helps 🙂

Unfortunately it's always been a high conflict situation so I wouldn't know her exact thoughts. Given that she brings whatever brand new boyfriend she has that month to Christmas concerts, sports days etc I don't think she would have a leg to stand on if she objected.

But back to the point, if I say husband and I both go to our BC parents evening but I don't attend SC one I'd be just as likely on this board to be told I'm treating SC differently and risk making them feel like they are less important in my eyes. Treating them as our own which is often what we are told to do, means attending parents evening if that is what is done for the others- in my opinion anyway.

Not entirely sure who you are referring to in the first part of your comment but certainly doesnt relate to this situation at all.
My ex has no other children and GF has only been in my childs life for a short time so no need for her to attend.

My daughter was unwell when staying with her Dad. They had a phone call from the Dr when Dad was out and the new gf pretended to be me on the phone, said my daughter was fine. I ended up in A&E with my daughter that night. Could have been prevented. My point is, some jobs should only fall to parents.

I was replying to the earlier comment by bluebellyboy.
But yes, back to your situation. The flip to this is you could have a totally uninterested step parent who resents your child and it's impact on her life.

I'm not sure there is much you can do other than express an opinion as if dad is happy for her to be involved he is able to make that decision regardless of your agreement. Which is why I would encourage you to let this one go for now.

Step parents are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

I think that illustrates my point. Immature adults using parents evening to make a point. To prove to themselves, their partner and/or their partner’s ex that their relationship is important - that they are important - that they have a right to be there. It’s rarely about the child. Because it’s unnecessary - it’s performative.

I'm sorry but I'm really confused. How is my point about going to parents evening for the step child the same as for all the biological children been turned into a performance to show off to the ex?