Coparenting long distance being forced to move

[ZanyPinkSeal]

My bf left me and I am pregnant. We were long distance and had planned to move in together in his city. He lives 2hrs from me. He left me and now i can’t move nor do I want to as I am currently in my home town with my family and friends. In his city I have no support system, he understands it is important and during this time and early years to stay where put.

However we had a massive argument recently as he said I need to move when the child is at school age. To which my response was I don’t know right now as we are talking four years in future. Things may change and also I am hesitant as his city is very expensive for someone living on their own with a child. On top of that I don’t want to be isolated from my friends and family. I asked if he would move to me he said no as he has job opportunities in his city. Which I understand. But he would not drop it and it felt like he was trying to bully me until I say yes. Which I wouldn’t. I was very clear I couldn’t give an answer right now but understand how important it is to him.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Can he force me to move? This is why I would prefer to go to court however he has said if we go to court he won’t be present in the child’s life as he doesn’t need the government to tell him what to do.

Please no advice/questions of getting rid of my child.

thank you

He chose to try to bully you to move to his city when you were literally in the waiting room for your anomaly scan? He's a git. Stay where you are. He can't force you to move closer, but if you did move closer and it was awful, he could stop you moving further away.

Nothing so far, he did come to the 12 week scan and the 20 week scan but as I said he ruined the experience by arguing me for the entire appointment

My pregnancy is consutant led. He stressed me out so much that by the time I got in to the drs office I was in tears. I spoke to the dr alone about what happened. The dr did actually say to me ‘is it worth having him around if he is stressing you out so much’ when we finished talking I asked the consultant if I could bring him back in to go through the scan . The consultant asked if there was anything I wanted to speak to him about other than the scan. And I just said can you explain to him the impact of stress on pregnant women. lol which he did and still after all of that he carried on after and wouldn’t drop it. He told me he doesn’t care if I’m stressed lol

I don’t know how I would get away with not putting him on the birth certificate.. I can’t see him allowing that

You don’t have to have him at appointments, you don’t need to have him present at birth, and you certainly don’t need to move to be close to him. He is being controlling and abusive. You can cut contact with him in the name of your mental health and designate someone to inform him once the baby is born.

He doesn’t get to decide that: https://www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth#:~:text=The%20mother%20can%20choose%20to,included%20on%20the%20birth%20certificate.

Just register the baby without him. No doubt he’ll be trying to bully you about the name next. As you’re not married, the baby should take your surname.

Just go and register the baby on your own. Let him take you to court to be added. He's clearly controlling and being on the BC will make it all much worse.

The consultant asked if there was anything I wanted to speak to him about other than the scan.

Good consultant you've got there. Your ex sounds like a bullying, coercive prick and I wouldn't be surprised if the consultant thinks so too.

Don't move, don't put on the birth certificate if you don't want to.

Limit contact to necessities from here on, don't have him at the birth or any future appointments- scans or otherwise. You're not punishing him, but the health of you & your baby comes first and he's endangering that.

He broke up with you, if he's concerned about not seeing his child then he should move not you. His relationships with his child is his responsibility, not yours.

There is great advice for you here, @ZanyPinkSeal.
Could you arrange for your mum or someone else close to you to attend your next medical appoint if he already knows the date? Don't give him any more medical appt details. Ahead of and at the time of the birth, make it clear to the staff that you do not wish him there as he is impacting your mental (and therefore general health) and that you are not a couple.
I would tell him that all contact must be via email. You then have breathing space and can choose when or whether to reply, and there is a paper trail of his shittiness. Block his number so he cannot surprise you with calls when you might not have all your wits about you.
I find it particularly interesting that he is looking ahead to his contact arrangements in four years time. What is he demanding/expecting from birth onwards, and more importantly, what are you willing to allow him? If you do allow him to visit the baby ~ though not at your place! ~ again, I would have someone with you as support. He will soon learn that his behaviour and demands are unacceptable.