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Original poster

Coparenting long distance being forced to move

35 replies

ZanyPinkSeal · 12/03/2025 13:39

My bf left me and I am pregnant. We were long distance and had planned to move in together in his city. He lives 2hrs from me. He left me and now i can’t move nor do I want to as I am currently in my home town with my family and friends. In his city I have no support system, he understands it is important and during this time and early years to stay where put.

However we had a massive argument recently as he said I need to move when the child is at school age. To which my response was I don’t know right now as we are talking four years in future. Things may change and also I am hesitant as his city is very expensive for someone living on their own with a child. On top of that I don’t want to be isolated from my friends and family. I asked if he would move to me he said no as he has job opportunities in his city. Which I understand. But he would not drop it and it felt like he was trying to bully me until I say yes. Which I wouldn’t. I was very clear I couldn’t give an answer right now but understand how important it is to him.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Can he force me to move? This is why I would prefer to go to court however he has said if we go to court he won’t be present in the child’s life as he doesn’t need the government to tell him what to do.

Please no advice/questions of getting rid of my child.

thank you

OP posts:

Waterlilysunset · 12/03/2025 13:41

He can’t force you to move locations. They can only stop you moving far away from your area if you so wish, if it impacts child contact.

Stay where you are with your family support and it will be the ‘status quo’ if you ever go to court later down the line

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 12/03/2025 13:42

No he can’t force to to move. I would say your family and friends network are more important than his job. I don’t believe he can’t find a job closer to you (unless you live in the shetlands or the like)

LeroyJenkinssss · 12/03/2025 13:43

Do not move unless it is 100% the right thing for you to do. He can’t force you to and the fact that he won’t consider moving himself is just an indicator of what an ass he is. He can’t make you, the courts won’t make you. He just wants you to pander to whatever makes his life easier. Do not let him brow beat you into this decision.

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remaininghopeful23 · 12/03/2025 13:49

Don't even think about letting him push you into moving away from your support system. It's a big decision to make a move like that, and would have to be something that suits you and your child. I don't mean to be so blunt but he got you pregnant and left you. He's the one who now needs to make some sacrifices, you're going to make enough sacrifices as a single parent as it is.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope all goes as smoothly as possible for you.

Velvian · 12/03/2025 13:49

No you absolutely do not have to move. The onus would be on him to move to be nearer his child, as the child will be born where you live.

A court can prohibit a move with a child, but you cannot be forced to move with a child.

ValentinesGranny · 12/03/2025 13:50

Do not promise to move. He could stop you moving further away but cannot force you closer. He is right on the point that he can't be forced to co-parent or look after his DC "if the government get involved," at all. Child maintenance isn't optional. .

Crazykefir · 12/03/2025 13:56

You absolutely do not have to move. If he is incapable of arranging access with you the he needs to start legal proceedings.

Velvian · 12/03/2025 13:56

Also to add, he sounds like an absolute bell end and you are well rid. Trying to act like Billy big bollocks.

Soontobe60 · 12/03/2025 13:58

He’s a charmer isnt he! You need people you can rely on as a single parent - family and friends, not some bloke who puts himself first. He cannot force you to move, and the courts would not either - as has already been said, a court would only stop someone moving away.
Do not let him move in, make sure you get the CMS claim in as soon as baby is born and don’t let him persuade you that he will buy things as baby needs them instead.
Congratulations!

LauderSyme · 12/03/2025 14:04

I wouldn't dream of telling you to 'get rid' of your child and I can't believe many other women here would either.

He cannot force you to move. It will be his responsibility to involve himself in his child's life in the way he can - or not, as he sees fit. He sounds more concerned with himself than either of you two to be honest.

As a single parent whose dc's father is abusive and coercively controlling, even at a distance, I would strongly advise you to think carefully about how to protect your child from his father's bullying nature going forwards.

I thought it was important for my dc to have a relationship with his dad but as he has grown and I see the effects I think more and more I made a terrible mistake.

Londongirl8922 · 12/03/2025 14:17

Do not move at all stay put and if he really wants to be apart of his child's life he will move closer, if you move now and let your little one grow up where he lives and then decide to move back to where you living currently he can go to court and put in a prohibited area order which could possibly go in his favour of you having to return to where he lives with your child..I would definitely stay put and done be bullied in to doing has he says...the fact that he's said he wouldn't be apart of his child's life if it went to court shows to me that he's not man enough to be a father tbh what a awful thing to say..I hope you and bump are doing well

Londongirl8922 · 12/03/2025 14:18

Londongirl8922 · 12/03/2025 14:17

Prohibited steps order*

Goldbar · 12/03/2025 14:21

I would tell him that he needs to grow up for a start. With "The door's over there, feel free to go out of it and keep on walking" if he continues bullying you.

I'd then progress to "what makes you think you're the bloody Sun, contrary to what you seem to believe the world doesn't actually revolve around you!" pretty quickly.

Twat.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 12/03/2025 14:26

Please sign up for the freedom course (you can do it online) to support you in dealing with controlling people.

jolota · 12/03/2025 15:23

No he can't force you to move.
He might be able to prevent you from moving further away but I imagine that's usually if you've been living in the same locality and he has an established routine seeing the child that will be disrupted by the move. That would only be if he went through the courts though to have it enforced.
Your family, friends and support system are far more important than his job. Do not move away from them because it will be harder to move back when the child is older.
I imagine he will use the distance as an excuse to be less involved because of having to travel to your town to visit the baby. Don't let him bully you into doing overnights earlier than is best for your child. Don't let him bully you into doing half of the driving or anything, be firm. He can take it to court if he wants but he's already said he won't. You don't have to adhere to any of his unreasonable demands.

Original poster

ZanyPinkSeal · 12/03/2025 16:51

Goldbar · 12/03/2025 14:21

I would tell him that he needs to grow up for a start. With "The door's over there, feel free to go out of it and keep on walking" if he continues bullying you.

I'd then progress to "what makes you think you're the bloody Sun, contrary to what you seem to believe the world doesn't actually revolve around you!" pretty quickly.

Twat.

I told him again and again. I wasn’t sure and I can’t say right now and I don’t want to give a final decision, as it’s four years away and I have no idea how my life will look at that time and I need time to think. He would not stop. Eventually it got to the point I said ‘I can’t live my life just doing what you want me to do’ that made him very angry.

His response was that I was being selfish and not doing wht is best for the child. As once child is in school he won’t be able to see them as much. Tbh tho he left me so I don’t know what he thought would happen based on the fact I’m not from his city.

I should have mentioned this argument was at the 20weeks scan in the waiting room waiting to be seen. I told him I was getting very stressed as he wouldn’t not stop even though I said I’m not saying no just can’t give an answer right this moment!

so yes I said what you said but politely no effect

OP posts:

WhatNoRaisins · 12/03/2025 16:53

Your child will be better off with you having a decent support network. How much support do you think this man is likely to provide?

LemonNLimes · 12/03/2025 16:55

Of course he can’t. Surprised you would believe he could 😕

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 12/03/2025 17:22

I’d stop letting him attend scans and medical appointments if it’s stressing you out. Tell him you will be staying where you are, with your support network. It was his decision to leave you, and it sounds like you are better off without him. Stay strong.

myplace · 12/03/2025 17:25

Were there any witnesses to the argument? You may find medical professionals supportive if you ever need a record of what happened.

Tell your midwife he’s a coercive bully and you may need support in future.

Nameftgigb · 12/03/2025 17:29

Absolutely under no circumstances move away from your family and near that man. While the court can’t force you to move while you are pregnant. If you move to him and you have the baby there, he can certainly prevent you from moving back home when it inevitably goes tits up and you end up with no support system. His actions towards you now can be considered abusive. I’d cut contact right down, and no way would he be attending medical appointments with me due to his behaviour. It’s up to him to prioritise what is important and move closer to you if he wants to spend time with his child

redphonecase · 12/03/2025 17:32

As he won't be on the birth certificate, he won't have parental responsibility. If he's stressing you out then block him and say you'll be in touch when the baby is born. He sounds the type to have lost interest by then.

Silvertulips · 12/03/2025 17:35

The hospital appointments are for your health - not a free day out! He is not entitled to be there. Take someone who will be supportive.

Speak to the midwives, make sure he’s not present at the birth. You aren’t married so leave him off the birth certificate and he can go to court for parental responsibility.

He will still have to pay maintenance - and he can seek a court order for seeing the child.

And you can’t argue with stupid! I’d put money on him recording your conversations to use in court - so watch what you say, same goes for text messages.

Keep a diary - abuse, messages, arguments etc - it may come in handy!!

Oldraver · 12/03/2025 18:19

"He doesn't need the Government telling him what to do "... But ok for for him to tell you .... Right

Nothing to add from all the previous good advice, learn how to grey rock, I'll think you'll need it

Starlightstarbright4 · 12/03/2025 18:26

you need to absolutely not discuss anything with him. .

be clear tell him via message you have no plans to move away from your support network . Then turn your phone off..

I would be clear if he doesn’t attend any further medical appointments..

I absolutely would not have him in the birth .

Ensure baby has your name ..

look up grey rock .. also as pp said do look up the freedom program , talk to your midwife .

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