Where do Mumsnetters genuinely looking for help go these days?

[Tiredalwaystired]

Having just real the pile on the poor woman who was trying to help her cat in labour got this morning, it made me so sad how unsupportive Mumsnet is these days. The poor woman even admitted her mistakes in her first post and yet STILL people decided that the most appropriate thing to do was kick someone when they were down rather than either scroll on or offer something constructive.

Unless you are prepared to be told that every decision you have made in your life is awful and you are a stupid/bad person then Mumsnet is really only a place for the thick skinned these days. I bet there are so many out there desperate to ask for help but too scared to ask because of the likely pile on.

So where can Mumsnetters go these days that is a place of genuine support without judgement? Because it certainly isn’t here!

It’s a deflective question and doesn’t answer my original one at the start of this thread in any way.

although you’re like a dog with a bone so no of course I don’t like seeing people behaving badly towards others. Do you?

Of course not.

To be honest a bit of both

I think that People project and get “triggered” . They also think ffs I had to be strong no one helped me and it irks them. Bit like women who have had children tell pregnant women horror stories and older people say that young people don’t know they are born.

and then yes some people on here as in life are just dim or emotionally immature or lack empathy.

it’s sometimes what we want to say to people in real life, come on pull yourself together. And some stories on here you do think goodness how do you get through the day it must be awful.

Well there you go. Not sure why you felt the need to ask in the first place as it’s what most decent people would think I’m sure.

and older people say that young people don’t know they are born

I wonder if this is changing. I am in my fifties and me and my peers often say we are glad we are not young in this day and age as it seems so much harder than when we were young. So much more pressure from social media, shit loads of violent porn mainstreamed which is changing what men expect sexually and how they treat women, school more pressurised, life more expensive, housing absurdly expensive and home ownership unattainable to many.

I’m so over people who think the whole world should #bekind. What right does any one person have to tell other people to play nicely at all times? This is an Internet forum for literally anyone on the planet. You have no idea who anyone is. You have no idea whether a poster has real (not “I hate my MIL” etc) trauma or shit stuff going on. Not an excuse for treating other people unkindly on an Internet forum, but very often a heart-wrenching explanation. Nobody is perfect, including you. Everyone acts in ways they sometimes aren’t proud of. Just check yourself before berating others, maybe.

Each user who avails of the privilege of using this site has a corresponding duty to be responsible for their usage. That includes you. If you don’t like what you’re seeing - move on or say something you think is better. You don’t get to berate other users unless they’re breaking the guidelines in which case you report them.

100%

What is the cat thread called?

I hope so, I’m 53 and like you don’t do it and go the opposite way. A colleague is pregnant and another colleague and I were discussing how we would not be one of those women who terrifies a pregnant woman by telling her stories of our traumatic childbirth.

There is a huge difference between ' Be Kind' and ' Don't be an active Dick'.

People can't expect to act as cruelly as they like without being called out on it by others. Yes many of these people probably are very unhappy. That doesn't mean they get to take out that unhappiness on others without facing repercussion in how other posters respond to them. Sometimes its when we are most miserable and behaving most badly that we need others to hold a mirror to how we are behaving to bring us self awareness.

Ironically you start your post with saying you are sick of Be Kind, yet go on to write a post pleading with others to ' Be Kind' to those being shitty to others.

I don't actually want support right but its a good place to give and receive honest advice. Eg i might relate a story about a falling out with a friend and people will point out I've actually been a bit of a dick & should apologise. Or ive cocked something up, maybe made a bad financial choice & hadn't fully realised the impact, someone else will come on and help me understand why i shouldnt do that again?

Thats fine, i can take being told I've got it a bit wrong and maybe need to make changes or put up with something unpleasant in order to set things straight.

Also a lot of the "empathetic", "supportive" responses? They don't actually help the op.

If someones coming on having fallen pregnant with unplanned baby number 4, loser dad and has no money, its actually helpful to her long term if she realise its maybe not something to risk repeating and considers sterilisation or a coil.

Realising you've fucked up, and taking ownership of the consequences, can be quite important as a disincentive to fucking up repeatedly.

It in the context of what can I do to help my cat in Labour this isn’t what I meant. Clearly.