Where do Mumsnetters genuinely looking for help go these days?

[Tiredalwaystired]

Having just real the pile on the poor woman who was trying to help her cat in labour got this morning, it made me so sad how unsupportive Mumsnet is these days. The poor woman even admitted her mistakes in her first post and yet STILL people decided that the most appropriate thing to do was kick someone when they were down rather than either scroll on or offer something constructive.

Unless you are prepared to be told that every decision you have made in your life is awful and you are a stupid/bad person then Mumsnet is really only a place for the thick skinned these days. I bet there are so many out there desperate to ask for help but too scared to ask because of the likely pile on.

So where can Mumsnetters go these days that is a place of genuine support without judgement? Because it certainly isn’t here!

That should have said READ the pile on…

Unfortunately, like most of the internet, MN attracts a lot of very black and white thinkers, and once they've got the bit between their teeth...

Personally I think making repeated comments on the same point that have no intention of helping the op should merit deletions

I go to real people? My mum, family members, friends. People who actually know me so understand my context and perspective, who's opinions I value. For things like the cat in labour scenario, thats what a paid professional is for, there are emergency vets. If i want medical advice etc i will ask a doctor!!

I don't expect a passive crowd of internet users to give me free advice on services that are available in RL.

I don't really expect loads of "support"/handholding as an adult! Im often amazed on here how lacking resilience people are, a lot of people seem totally unable to exercise some judgement or make adult decisions in a difficult situation, they just apparently fall to bits.

Historically I’ve found a neutral response can be helpful as there isn’t as much bias though.

So can I ask why you’re using mums net? It was initially set up as a supportive place for people going through similar things (like a virtual NCT). It isn’t doing that any more I dont think.

Come on now, that’s gate keeping. It’s not for you to decide, or even know, why people use this site.

Well in the process of this debate I think it’s a fair question. I mean, it appears some people use it for sport for example.

It's useful for crowdsourcing practical solutions, backed up by anecdotal evidence. I don't know 12 people in real life who know or care how to stop squirrels eating my crocuses.

I don't share emotional concerns on here because a) it's personal b) it can attract people with the emotional range of a teaspoon/those who love to project

It's not gatekeeping, just curiosity? OP obviously sees Mumsnet as a place that should offer emotional support, PP said they wouldn't want that from Mumsnet, so totally fair for OP to ask what PP did see Mumsnet as being about! It's not like OP said PP shouldn't be here.

If you have serious issues and not just fishing for information, DON'T use mumsnet for emotional support. There are too many arses on here who wouldn't dare say the things they post to people's faces. Probably bored mums who have not much to do.

I’m an older mum concerned about her daughter in law not having any friends with a 10 month old baby

Dressed up as curiosity, perhaps, but OP clearly strongly disapproves of certain types of replies. So long as they don’t break the site’s rules, I’m afraid that’s too bad.

No I really don’t. I just wonder what you want to get out of your time spent here. It’s not a trick question.

For me its pure entertainment, thats all

Read the first paragraph of your original post again. If that’s not disapproval, I don’t know what is.

Well, go you!

This is a huge part of the problem. Some posters believe that everyone is the same as them and can’t conceive of the possibility that some people don’t have much in the way of real life support or that they may not have the same coping mechanisms as others. In this case, if you are in the enviable position of having a good support network and have something to offer that will help the poster in need, great. But if you just want to come on and give them a good telling off about their stupidity/lack of resilience/fragility/neediness or whatever, then probably better to keep your trap shut and let people who actually give a shit and who have something worthwhile to contribute, get on with it. Who knew we were all different?

entertainment in reading or entertainment in stoking fires? Or both?

I would have thought that most people would have felt that was fairly awful and an inappropriate response if they had any sense of empathy.

Mumsnet is great for practical advice on topics. I've found it really helpful.

It can be really helpful for emotional support/ parenting support. I've had people really try to help me with my son, for example.

If you go to one of the specialist sections of Mumsnet you will get more support from like minded people. Except for relationships where it can be a real attack place if women don't immediately ' do what they are told.'

You can also get really awful pile ons. I would not recommend anyone post here when they are vulnerable unless they are able to ignore and filter out the arseholes.

There are clearly a lot of very unhappy people on here who seem to either be venting their own misery by attacking others or get some temporary relief from the low status they feel in their own lives by attacking others.

However OP, whenever someone starts a thread like this, pointing out the really obvious and striking feature of Mumsnet which is that there are some really bloody horrible people on here who really kick others when they are down, they themselves get attacked. We are only on page one and I can see this happening to you already!

One of the valuable things about Mumsnet is that it has a pretty liberal free speech policy compared to other places. Unfortunately that does mean users have to accept that means you will get more shitey people posting.

Right, but why say you don’t disapprove when you clearly do?

I too find the catty, sarcastic replies too much. If you don’t like a post, or think the poster is plain stupid, just avoid it. It is sad to see so many enjoying kicking someone when they’re clearly down and then victim blame for not being ‘resilient’ enough to find it funny and cool to belittle people and their genuine search for reasonable mature responses.

This is such a nonsensical argument.

You are basically arguing that if a school bully 'disapproves' of (bullies) someone for being fat and ginger, , then he is no different from a classmate who 'disapproves' of him for being a bully. Your argument here, is that they are both as bad as each other.

That's clearly not an argument that holds any water.

I’m not comparing anyone. I said that it was clear that OP disapproved of a certain behaviour. She disagreed. I cited her OP as proof of my argument.

Stately homes/elderly parents threads have been brilliant for me in terms of reading posts and realising stuff. Very rarely if ever any nastiness there, well actually never as it’s jumped on pronto as the women posting have had nastiness from parents all their lives and don’t stand for it.