Reduce nursery days

[Hyperquiet]

My 17 month old has been at nursery one week (3 full days) and screams on drop off and has been super clingy as I think feels abandoned. He also doesn't nap more than 20 minutes ish there so becomes overtired. However, nursery do lots of activities with them like messy play which we wouldn't do.

I know it has only been a week however we recently learned, we potentially have an option of a grandparent who doesn't drive coming to our house via taxi which we would pay for of course (would be picked up later by a family member) to look after our child.

One of us would have to go and pick one year old up in the middle of the work day so at lunchtime. I work from home in an intensely busy role and DH wfh half the week too, sometimes really busy too.

We would have to help get him in and out of the bath and maybe help with dressing after nursery as grandparent isnt the most mobile.

Baby then has a nap and grandparent would stick around until my husband finishes work.

Tried not to leave anything out.

Thoughts?

As a grandparent, she's very into cleanliness herself so your comment is a bit assuming and over the top yourself.

I wouldn't put my child in his cot where he sleeps after being dirty at nursery.

Not sure why some are so hung up on the bathing.

I think asking a manager about your child's key worker isn't weird at all. There have been other things like not washing the baby's hands before snacks, leaving poo in his nappy when cleaning him which i haven't mentioned to them as i was going to see how it went.

Doesn’t sound like the grandparent is capable of childcare tbh. They’re not independent as it is (taxis/lifts/help bathing (therefore lifting?) the baby). Pay for the best childcare for your precious child, IMO.

Thanks i think I am going to take the advice here on this

It doesn't sound like you're very happy with the nursery to be honest - perhaps look for a different provider? It's important you trust whoever is looking after your child.

Nanny might be a good option - I considered it because DD frigging hates nursery drop (likes it when she’s there though). Not sure re cost comparison.

Honestly I dont expect nurseries to be THAT much better than others unless you're going inconveniently very out of your way to take your child to a particular one.

Also you never really know properly what's going on unless you're there.

It has only been a week so wanted to give it a chance.

The cost is tricky and no funded hours allowed too!

Yes very good point.

You do get funded hours if they are Ofsted registered.

But hardly any are. I’m a nanny myself and it’s not worth the cost and admin to me to become Ofsted qualified at all.

No, even ofsted registered nannies cannot claim for funded hours, only tax free childcare.

Thanks for this I always just assumed, but yes they are excluded from 15-30 hours funded childcare. From a nanny point of view though that’s a good thing as it would definitely drive down our hourly rate if there were more Ofsted registered nannies about.

Probably wouldn’t be great for nurseries either, as lots of parents would take their children out to use home childcare instead.

I wouldn’t bother. 3 half days is likely to be a lot more upsetting and unsettling for the child; and the grandparent doesn’t seem in good enough condition to look after a 17 month old. Even if they manage now, in a few short months; your toddler will be running rings around them.

Thank you

I can take a while to settle them in, it took my daughter a couple of months going 2 full days and a morning a week when she was 8 months old and that was before separation anxiety. I would persevere, as others have said, it wouldn't be practical to do this if their grandparent can't actually lift your child and has limited mobility. It could also be distressing if your toddler knows you are home but can't see you.

FWIW I know what you mean about bathing them after nursery. My DD2 always comes back filthy but has the best time. If it was in the middle of the day though I would just give her a flannel down and change her clothes and bathe in the evening as I like a bath as part of her bedtime routine but that's just me.

Hang in there, it is brutal seeing them that upset but it will get better.

Thank you appreciate it! How long does it take them to settle. I know every child is different and the age is different too!

I think you’re understandably worried that he’s having a tough settling in period but I think the grandparent option is just not feasible in the slightest. My 17mo has a really rough time adjusting to childcare and still cries at drop off (2 months later) but then I’ll get a photo 5mins later of him happy, smiley and playing.
It’s really really hard emotionally at the beginning but my DS has come on leaps and bounds in such a short time. He’s so much more confident and gets to have so much fun and activity than he would with my parents. He’s been asking for his key worker all weekend and for his friends their, so I’m know he has a good time when he’s there.
I think settling can take months and it’s not linear, they’ll be some days when they’re clingier than others. Give it time but also go with your gut if you really feel like it’s not the right fit for whatever reason.

Very reassuring to hear. It looks like the crying at drop off will be the last to go.

My daughter switched one day from crying at dropoff (heartbreaking) to crying at pickup (more heartbreaking!). Of course not saying you shouldn’t trust your instinct if something isn’t right, but a long settling in process is super common and usually doesn’t mean anything in itself. At the start I’d call an hour or so into the day just to check in and she was always fine.

my son walked in day 1 without any fuss at all which actually felt worse!

I think you might be better with a childminder.

I called the first week but going into the second week I wasn't sure it was appropriate to call as I dont want to be annoying.

Why do you think so?

The grandparent option sounds like a total non starter. They won't cope with a growing toddler for long if they aren't mobile and can't do basics like get him dressed etc. plus the logistics sound a right faff. I'd scrap that idea.

1 week is nothing, I'd give it at least 2 months. If you've still got the same issues maybe try a different setting.

I got the the feeling you would be happier dealing with a single carer who knew about every minute his day... when he ate, what he enjoyed etc instead of people having a lunch break, or switching carers during the day, or just being elsewhere.

How long they take to settle really, really varies. My own son waved me off at ten months without a by your leave on day one. I was the one in floods of tears. He did love his key worker though- and she loved him- he’s 3.5 now and not at the nursery and we still see her socially. He is a very outgoing child though and had had a lot of interaction before hand in playgroups and with other adults etc. he was born just after all the lockdown restrictions were lifted and I took full advantage, we were always out and about 🤣

nurseries I’ve worked in, it’s about 3-4 weeks on average until they’re at the point where you’d say they were mostly settled.

Helpful to know thank you. We've gotten through a week will give it a few more and I hope I have a happier baby!