Reduce nursery days

[Hyperquiet]

My 17 month old has been at nursery one week (3 full days) and screams on drop off and has been super clingy as I think feels abandoned. He also doesn't nap more than 20 minutes ish there so becomes overtired. However, nursery do lots of activities with them like messy play which we wouldn't do.

I know it has only been a week however we recently learned, we potentially have an option of a grandparent who doesn't drive coming to our house via taxi which we would pay for of course (would be picked up later by a family member) to look after our child.

One of us would have to go and pick one year old up in the middle of the work day so at lunchtime. I work from home in an intensely busy role and DH wfh half the week too, sometimes really busy too.

We would have to help get him in and out of the bath and maybe help with dressing after nursery as grandparent isnt the most mobile.

Baby then has a nap and grandparent would stick around until my husband finishes work.

Tried not to leave anything out.

Thoughts?

Honestly? The grandparent option sounds like a giant hassle all round. It's only been three days, give ds more time to settle

Give him longer. The grandparent option doesn't seem like it's the best thing for the grandparent, you or the baby.

I would never leave a grandparent with limited mobility in charge of a 17 month old.
Madness.

Save grandparents for when they are sick or nursery is closed.

It took my son 2-3 months to settle in, one week is not enough time, it's been 5 months and my son still cries at drop off. It's a massive change for them.

Transitions into nursery are tough. My LO started at 17 months old too and the first few months were very hard seeing her so upset. We persevered with 5 days a week because a) we had no choice and b) we really trusted the nursery staff and knew that eventually she'd have a great time there. And eventually she did settle and it was a wonderful experience for everyone.
Give it more time. The grandparent idea sounds very stressful and impractical.

It's only been a week, it took about a good month for my son to settle at nursery.

The grandparent situation sounds like a massive hassle and for your baby. How would you manage, picking them up, bathing (why are they having a bath in the middle of the day?) and dressing them all in a lunch hour. I imagine your baby is going to be even more distressed seeing you for a bit and then going again.

And I can't imagine why you would want to leave a 17 month old with someone with limited mobility who can't even dress them or lift them by the sounds of it. What are they going to be doing with your child? What if they need a nappy change or clothes change or want to go outside? How is that going to be managed? It sounds absolute madness.

It does sound impractical actually doesnt it. The bath is because he's been at nursery.

Thanks everyone for the consensus. It's helpful.

It feels really strange handing my son off to a stranger. I want to ask his key worker questions about herself to get to know her more but I dont want to seem weird.

One day a week is hard as they'll forget in between. Is there an option to go to twice a week? Otherwise you'll just to stick it out as the grandparent isn't really an option in any practical sense and is possibly quite unsafe.

That’s not weird! And nursery workers shouldn’t feel like strangers, it’s only been a week, everyone needs time to adjust. They don’t know your son yet, give it time.

You cannot think asking a mobility impaired grandparent to care for a fully mobile toddler the better option here surely. But consider yourself very lucky that you have that option as an occasional fallback for when they’re not well or nursery closures.

Although am I misunderstanding something in the post- doc you have two children? Why would one of you need to go out to pick the one year old up if they’re at home?

Children don't always need a bath after nursery, especially in the middle of the day! Mine certainly don't. Surely they can wait until the evening to have one.

And it's only been a week, you really need to give it more time. And no please don't ask the keyworker questions about themselves, that's really intrusive. It is a big transition going to nursery for everyone but it needs a longer than a week for everyone to get used to it. I certainly don't need to get to know my child's keyworker on a personal level but I absolutely trust them with their care.

It is 3 full days

I want to ask things like how long they've been working there and their experience in general as she didnt even know the children have an afternoon snack as she takes her lunch break at that time!

I thought someone working with children would know 1 year olds need to eat every 2 or 3 hours.

You can ask the manager things like that, it sounds pretty abrasive to bombard the key worker with questions about her experience whilst she’s working on the nursery floor. Questions you’d generally ask are what have they enjoyed playing with, have they had fun, because food and nap and nappy changes are normally logged via an app. But I can assure you that if she is a key worker she will be sufficiently qualified.

Sorry but I’ll also add I’ve been a childcare professional for 15 years and a mum myself and I certainly don’t think a toddler MUST eat every 2-3 hours! Or that they should bathe after nursery. Where’s that come from?

If you don't like their answers what are you going to do? You're not interviewing them for a job. You chose a nursery and they deal with the staffing. Maybe a childminder might suit you better?

1 year olds absolutely do not need to eat every 2-3 hours. I've never read that or seen that anywhere. Mine have been at nursery since 10 months old and have breakfast, lunch and an afternoon snack and they yet to keel over with hunger at not eating every 2 hours.

And surely if you're keyworker is having her break, there are other staff about to know they'll need an afternoon snack?

Yes good shout I'll ask the manager

It just seemed quite a basic thing not to know as I would ask how he ate and whether he had his afternoon snack and she was adamant the children are not given one but it wasn't the case.

And I think it was advised on NHS or somewhere for toddlers. At least every 3 hours something should be offered. Not after 4.5!

Your messages are very confusing OP. I've no idea what you're trying to change the 3 full days to and why you need the grandparent to be bathing the child?

Changing 3 full days to 3 half days

Bathing after nursery for cleanliness reasons

NHS says ‘now your child is over 12 months old they should be offered three healthy meals a day. They may also be offered healthy weaning snacks in between’

In reality the amount a toddler wants or needs to eat on any given day fluctuates wildly.

And not all nurseries do offer an afternoon snack- the last one I worked at served a more substantial lunch at 12 then a light tea at 3-4.

Poor grandma! Let her enjoy being granny at the weekends and not subject her to you and your rules. You sound very particular and full on. Especially the questions about asking a nursery worker for her qualifications and experience.... that's her employers job not yours!

Thats interesting to know thanks.

I think it was because this nursery do give one and she didnt know so I started having some doubts.

They don't stay strangers for very long. DC will settle, it just needs more time.

I know you are leaving your precious child with them and that is huge but you need to calm down a bit. I know it is really hard to do that but a week is no time and the care worker not knowing about snacks maybe because she is new or agency staff. Your child will pick up on your anxiety. My advice, dump and run. Baths can be lovely time after tea in the evening at 6.00 then bed. Best time - you can teach them loads of stuff when they are in the bath.