No patience with toddler since newborn arrived.

[mariamars]

Baby is 5 days old. My birth was straight forward and I'm recovering well but I'm still really struggling with PGP which I'm really frustrated about as I assumed it would go after birth and it was awful during my pregnancy. Hormones are also all over the place and I'm finding it difficult to keep on top of my standard of housework and juggling both kids. DP is home and is doing any housework that is required, sorting washing etc and mainly looking after the toddler but the house just constantly seems a tip. Newborn is no bother, very chilled baby so far but lack of sleep is affecting my mood.

DP gets up and does his equal share in the night but the problem is he is a deep sleeper and I am a very light sleeper so I hear baby instantly then tell DP it's his time to get up but then I am wide awake myself and can't get back to sleep.

My 3 YO has been an absolute dream with his baby brother and is besotted with him, so kind and gentle with him and loves helping out. I feel like absolute shit as I just keep snapping at him and losing my patience with things when he is moaning and I also feel like I've spent no time with him. He is picking up on this because he says he only likes dad but then also asked if I could take him swimming yesterday just me and him and it broke my heart. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm also snapping a lot at DP. I feel so guilty and wondering if this will pass and any tips/advice on not getting so snappy at my toddler would be much appreciated. I feel like we are losing our bond and I miss him but then I wake up and get annoyed easily at things he does. I have cried each night about it.

I remember being told bringing a new baby home is for your child like your husband bringing a new lover home who you are told you just have to live with. It is really hard and I remember those days so well. The eldest seems so big and cumbersome compared to the newborn don't they. Their whole world has changed though so they need a bit of extra grace and an awful lot of attention. Take advantage of your DH being at home and doing his part and give him as much attention as you can. And congrats on your boys

@adamduritzvocalchords yes I remember looking at my eldest when we got dd home and just thinking omg when did you get so huge !

Sorry you had to read one really unkind comment ! Ignore that one

You're doing better than you think
Better than I was at 5 days in!

Give your self time and just do small tasks with your eldest, it can be anything. When baby is napping or hubby taking baby off for you and toddler time - swimming can be done when you are healed and in a few weeks time
Crickey you are 5 days in

Please make sure you are getting YOU time too

I have a 2.5 year old and a 13 yr old and my god the guilt when I wasn't my usual self and had a tricky time recovering
People think because she was older she was ok and would understand and 'help' she actually needed her mum time alone then and still does now

I refer to it as balance/ juggling but getting a happy medium makes life easier but at 5 days in take one step at a time

@OP I currently have a 2.5 year old and a 3 week old and am struggling with exactly the same thing. Everyday I feel guilty about not spending time with my toddler. DH currently does everything for toddler while I am breastfeeding and contact napping the newborn round the clock.
Fortunately newborn will go in bassinet for some. naps and I could spend time with toddler but timings almost never seem to work, either the toddler uninterested and tells me to go away or he’s gone out with DH.
I am definitely feeling a disconnect from my toddler and I’m desperate to fix it. Surely this is a thing that most exclusively breastfeeding mothers have with a young first born. I just wonder what age does the newborn need to get to for me to feel an ease up on the situation where we are all happy with the time spent with everyone…

@Londonaries 8 weeks it got much easier for me and now at 7 months I can honestly say it's an absolute joy, the bond is back and also watching the bond between DS and DD makes my heart burst with pride 🥰

It will get better, I promise.