Choosing last name for baby, anxiety...

[MonkeyTales]

I am feeling some anxiety about naming our baby, me and my partner aren't married. His last name just sounds better than mine so we decided on it. But all my family is in a different country and I am not close to them, but now I am the only one who doesn't share a last name here and it makes me a little sad. His siblings married their partners and all have the same last name. Essentially out of the big extended family I am the only odd one out. We been together for a long time and maybe I had expected him to ask me to marry him at some point but I also don't want to push him to do something he doesn't want.

Maybe it's just my hormones but I feel left out about my baby not having my name.. anyone felt the same? Did it pass? Do you regret not giving them your name?

As he’s not asked you to marry him I’d give the baby your last name

Why is he not marrying you? It should be a no brainer before baby to ensure you are protected

Give the baby your last name, you can always change it upon marriage.

Give the baby your last name. I didn't and deeply regretted it (we married when ds was 10 but I felt very strongly that I was the outsider for his early years.

I have my baby my surname as a middle name, so it's on their passport and birth cert. Or you could double-barrel.

Give the baby your surname. You already know you will regret it if you don’t. (I am married, but my children have my name.)

Give the baby you surname. No debate.

Double barrel. I'd hate to not have the same/partly the same name as my children.

Just give baby both your surnames, doesn’t need a hyphen. I am married but did this as really wanted to pass my name on as well as felt my lineage just as important as husband’s!

I did the same. Spanish style

Don’t double barrel. So naff

I think because you are questioning it, then I would give the baby your surname.

Our Daughters have their Dads surname, but it wasn't something that bothered me at all, so I would stick with your gut.

It’s been really important to me that my children share the same surname as me. If you are likely to get married and want to change your name, I think you need to get a move on that. Surely, if your relationship is serious enough to have a child, you should be able to have a conversation about how important marriage is to you. It’s very straightforward to marry if you want to.

Both surnames or just yours.

Give the baby your name, as it matters to you. It can be changed easily if you marry, but not if you breakup and want to revert baby’s name to your surname.

He has a choice if it matters that much. Marry you and all share a name, or accept that your baby will have your name.

Don’t let anyone pressure you otherwise, when it clearly matters to you.

Give baby yours. If you get married, you can change it if you'd like to all have the same name. Or he can take your name.

Or you could …

give the baby your name and get the father to change his to match by deed poll

or

choose a completely new surname and all change to that.

Double barrel the name.

and marry the man.
for financial security

It might be naff. (Don’t agree) but it means your kids share your name if in future you are parenting solo
and if you aren’t married then it’s more likely that you will end up solo parenting

maybe I had expected him to ask me to marry him at some point

Usually things a conversation people have, why are you waiting around expecting him to ask?

Hmmm, I was given this crap advice. Not sure what I was supposedly being protected from given I am the high earner in the relationship.

Post marriage I took legal advice upon writing a will, and the advice was that technically I had lost out by getting married, while DH had benefitted.

Talk to him about all of it - the fact you say maybe you expected him to propose, and about not being sure about the name. You're having a baby with him so a conversation about the future is important.

Give the baby your name.

On the marriage thing, if you can see each other naked, have sex, plan to ttc, why can’t you have an honest, calm, normal chat about marriage?

When you planned to have your child, decide where to live etc did you wait for him to dictate these things to you so you didn’t have to worry he was being forced to do something he didn’t fancy? Or did you discuss them like the equals you’re meant to be?

Why wouldn't you give your baby your name?

Give your baby your name. Will you be the one dealing with the dentist appointments, school emails etc. Why make your life harder?
Will you go and visit you family abroad? Do you want different names on your passports?
And what if you spilt up? You could end up as the primary carer, yet not be able to change his/ her name back.