What age would you leave a child in a hotel room?

[TipsyBlueOtter]

If you're in the same building? I'm just talking about popping down for a drink in the hotel bar after he's asleep, say from 9-11pm. It's a small (posh!) boutique hotel about the same size as a large house. DS is 9 and sensible. We'd normally get an in-room babysitter for a couple of hours to sit in the corner while he was asleep and that was what I planned to do this time, but he thinks he's a bit old for that now so I wondered if I was being PFB for suggesting it? He's a good sleeper and unlikely to wake up once asleep. He doesn't have a phone but we could leave him one of ours and there is a landline in the room.

13, 9 way too young

When I was 14 my parents left my little brother (9.5) and I in our hotel room in Paris for the night. Probably only about 4-5 hours or so.

It was a really posh hotel, we had our own little suite, got room service and they had some of the staff check on us a couple of times. Felt like we were in a movie and like we'd been treated to the coolest night ever.

When older and wiser I realized they'd just ditched us to go out on the wine 😅

12 or 13

Secondary school I think - at least 11, maybe 12. By that stage they're really developing independence and they've (hopefully!) been taught lots of coping strategies if unexpected things happen. The vast majority of year 7/8 would know absolutely not to answer the door, open the window etc.

The "what if there's a fire" is just as risky in many homes as it would be in a converted farmhouse. Probably less in the hotel actually, as fire regs are much stricter for hotels than homes.

In a larger hotel I'd say going down to the bar is akin to leaving the building. And I wouldn't consider that until they're more like 15 or 16 though.

None is fine if he is sensible.
I can't believe people who say they would not leave them until they are 15, 16 or even 18. No wonder so many teenagers have anxiety when their parents act as if staying in a hotel room while your parents are at the hotel bar, is an incredibly dangerous thing to do. Sure if you stay in the kind of hotel that is also used as a brothel and drugs den, but an ordinary nice hotel is fine.

And yet most people are saying no? Also you mentioned you might feel different if the amount of lockable fire doors was different. The only fire doors that lock should be the bedroom doors in a commercial property.

Can’t believe reading this. Your story is identical to mine. Mum & Dad left me on my own, I was 6 or 7, after I was asleep, in a hotel room in Majorca, early 70s. I woke up and was found out on the landing crying. I have no memory of it thank goodness, but was told for years how embarrassed they were when an announcement came over the tannoy 😕
At least I was found by someone well meaning..

So no, I wouldn’t leave your DS alone. DD came everywhere with us. I couldn’t have relaxed if she wasn’t there anyway.

Totally agree with this. Of course there are always exceptions if some children have SN but surely part of growing up is to teach children independence.

At 11/12 they are going off to secondary school. Mine travel 40 mile round trip each day to do this. At 16 they can get married/join the army/get their own house/claim benefits etc

No wonder some young people nowadays haven't a clue about life or to do anything for themselves and are just totally anxious when they've never been taught how to look after themselves..

I do think 9 too young though

Because kids just cramp your style and are a bloody nuisance.

10am! An all nighter then 🤣

//

Rock n Roll, baby!

In the kind of hotel you describe, I would be happy to do it with my 9 year old.

Not in a huge multi storey hotel but the sort where you're really no further away than downstairs in a large family house

I'd leave a teenager but definitely not a 9 year old. If you want adult time then don't take kids with you.

The main thing I would do is walk him through where the fire exits are in case of a fire alarm and where the fire meeting point is. We still do this with our children who are now adults, ie they point to the fire exit signs as we walk to the rooms, separate rooms, so we all know where the exits are. We have been in hotels where the fire alarm has gone off and if you are not in the room you would not be allowed back up to the room.

Also not to open the door to anyone, the usual safety stuff. Leave him with a phone and he can call you if he gets worried. It is not a huge 800 room hotel, he has stayed there before and he just needs to know it is okay to get freaked out and call you to come back to the room.

I grew up in the 70s and Butlins had a baby listening service so you could be left in the chalet whilst your parents left you and they had some sort of listening device and if you talked to them or they heard crying your chalet number would be posted up in the entertainment hall. Now that was a trek back to the room! I wouldn't ever recommend that but it was certainly eyebrow raising to think back on it.

I'd leave a sensible 9yo in the circumstances you describe.

similar here, I was left in an apartment at 11 for the evening and someone broke in and I woke up to him at the end of my bed and he sexually assaulted me. So I’m quite risk averse. We’ve been leaving our daughter since probably 13 but this is early evening before dinner for an hour which allows her to get ready without us there. She’s now 15 and goes to bed later than me so I can’t see a situation where she’d want to go up before me!

If the hotel is tiny with one staircase and smoke alarms I'm not sure how the fire risk differs to being at home/ in an airbnb where you wouldn't sit in their bedroom all night. I think the solution of having a video monitoring app (or even an ongoing video WhatsApp call so you can see your son asleep and also if he wakes) would work

I would leave him for an hour or so watching a film or similar with a phone to contact you if there were any problems. I would check on him a couple of times. I probably won't leave him asleep as he might wake up confused/ scared. I can't believe some people would wait until 15 / 16 to do this. I was going on holiday on my own at 16!

Haha, yes, I went youth hostelling with friends at 16

I've done this.

Go back 30 years and it was the norm to do this with toddlers.

I think most of the comments here forget what happened to Madeleine McCann I wouldn’t leave a 9 yr old in a hotel room on their own. Anyone could get a pass key or simply knock on the door. Do you have a balcony you could sit on for a drink?

I think this is a very different set up to that

From what the OP has described, this is a tiny hotel, more like a large house. It's not a huge resort or large hotel where there are lots of people coming and going. Depending on layout but I have been in some tiny restaurants with rooms type places where you can literally see everyone who comes in and out

Totally different. Madeleine Mccann was left in an unlocked apartment on a public road where anyone could walk in. Her parents were a good distance away.

She and her siblings were also babies/toddlers, couldn't use phones or call for help if needed. not comparable

That was awful for you and I appreciate how that colours your feelings but realistically that could happen to an adult alone in a room as well. Should we never stay in a room alone.

Oh yes I agree. I’m very conscious of not going overboard. But likewise, if someone was to say well statistically that’s very unlikely that’s true but different when it’s happened to you! And, as an adult that’s my choice to stay in my own, it wasn’t a good choice by my parents I would say, they weren’t in the same building as me, it was probably a five minute walk to the bar. And a ground floor room.

It would be fine with me. I would take an old fashioned baby monitor so that I could hear him if he called out.