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Original poster

Would you let teen gf stay overnight?

40 replies

manywanderings · 22/02/2025 17:24

So son is 17. He and gf are quite serious. We all know they're having sex - her parents and us. Recently he asked if she could stay overnight and said her parents are fine with it. We asked if her parents are ok with him sleeping overnight there and he said no. But they were fine with her sleeping over here.

OH said no. I discussed it with him and said it's going to happen sooner or later. Agreed we'd say we'd think about it. Half term coming up and I'm inclined to say yes - what do you think?

And no we're not in contact with her parents! We don't have phone numbers for them or see them. Even if we were it would be an odd kind of thing to discuss!

OP posts:
Baxdream · 22/02/2025 19:39

If it's a serious relationship and you like her, then I'd let her stay over. They'd have to be together for 6 months (excluding the break up). I would expect a build up prior to this, eg over for the day, dinner etc so you know her.
This is exactly what we did.

BlueSilverCats · 22/02/2025 19:42

cramptramp · 22/02/2025 19:36

No. I don't understand wanting to know that your child is having sex in your house so 'at least I know where they are'. I think that's really weird. I didn't allow it until my children were in the latter years of Uni and had very long term partners.

It's more about safety than anything. After a certain age, especially if you know they are having sex and you're not stopping anything, just an abstract principle , it's probably better and safer to be in a private, safe ,clean and comfortable environment like home.

Rather than them skipping school and going home while parents are at work, or doing it in cars/parks/alleways/cinema/pools, or other people's houses who could be unsafe in other ways, or them lying about where they are and with whom and if something bad happens being too afraid to call for help etc.

BarbedButterfly · 22/02/2025 19:45

I wouldn't have a problem with it

wwyd2021medicine · 22/02/2025 19:49

Fine after 16 in my opinion.
I wouldn't be having a conversation with the parents either, let alone discussing if they were having sex.
Only in the context of a relationship where I knew the BF or GF and they'd been together for a while. Even if they were 25, if not be having some random unknown bloke in my house.

GroovyChick87 · 22/02/2025 19:55

I had my boyfriend stay and over and vice versa at 17 and we did have sex. I don't think you should be speaking to her parents specifically about this. They're both over the age of consent and at 18 you'd not have any business doing that. I was working at 16 and responsible. However I now have a son this age. We're not at the girlfriend stage yet but when he does I'm not going to stop him from staying over at her house. A lot will depend on the girlfriend, how much I like her and how sensible she is with regards to if I let her stay over here.

BlueSilverCats · 22/02/2025 19:59

GroovyChick87 · 22/02/2025 19:55

I had my boyfriend stay and over and vice versa at 17 and we did have sex. I don't think you should be speaking to her parents specifically about this. They're both over the age of consent and at 18 you'd not have any business doing that. I was working at 16 and responsible. However I now have a son this age. We're not at the girlfriend stage yet but when he does I'm not going to stop him from staying over at her house. A lot will depend on the girlfriend, how much I like her and how sensible she is with regards to if I let her stay over here.

If they have some sort of relationship already with the other parents a text like "hey, the kids have been planning a sleepover so just wanted to check you guys are comfortable with that before deciding " wouldn't be too weird or awkward.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2025 20:33

My dd is 16. We have been having mixed sex group sleepovers for about a year now. Dd ended up going out with one of them for a few months. We didn’t have him stay over again either alone or part of a group. She wasn’t ready for a ‘proper’ relationship. And I do think you grow up such a lot between 16 and 18.

I’d say if you’re comfortable then fine. Your ds will be an adult in less than a year. In my experience it’s the girl’s parents, who allow things more than the boy’s. Perhaps the girl isn’t lying and has younger siblings. Our house is the mixed sex sleepovers house - we’ve had about 4 over the course of a year - two different friendship groups. Dd is an only child. I wouldn’t have them with a younger child in the house.

Original poster
manywanderings · 22/02/2025 20:54

Yes he is an only child here and there is a houseful of people/shared bedrooms at her house, so that is probably the reason they can't stay over there.

I'm inclined to say yes but only at week-ends, but need to talk to OH. He still thinks he's younger than he is! Took some persuading for driving lessons!

OP posts:
qwertyasdfgzxcv · 22/02/2025 20:55

You might know they are having sex, her parents might not

Ferrazzuoli · 22/02/2025 21:01

When my DS was 17 and had been with his girlfriend for a few months we let her stay over. We did have a quick chat with her parents to make sure they were ok with it.

Original poster
manywanderings · 22/02/2025 21:19

I don't think they'd have said she could stay over if they didn't know. But yes we maybe should check.

OP posts:
CockerMum · 22/02/2025 21:33

Some of these responses are a bit off. Obviously everyone is entitled to say yes or no to whatever happening in their own home, but they are 17 and their sex life is frankly none of anyone’s business let alone their parents…

hotfirelog · 23/02/2025 00:44

I was 17 a long time ago (30 + years) and even at age 15 my peers talked about when & where. With my teens I'd rather it was at my house with contraception post 16... yes it may be later, ideally it'll be age 18 but anything over 16 is legal

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2025 08:29

I did let ds1 and his gf when they were 17 and in 6th form, but they didn't sleep in the same bedroom until they were over 18. It was only occasionally when they'd been out late and she would struggle to get home etc. - not just a routine thing.

TinyMouseTheatre · 23/02/2025 10:29

Have I missed the bit where it says how old the GF is?

If she 16 or older I would, and have allowed this although the teens don't have their BF/GF stay over that much.

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