Husband says motherhood is easy & every mother has risen a child so it can’t be hard, crack on

[Jobutr]

Recently during a fight, DH said that motherhood is easy, that our boy is chilled and calm, that he sees what we do all that, and that it’s easy and I make it sound harder than it is. He says all mothers do it so crack on with it.
for context, our boy is 5 months and fully breastfed, i do all the nights (baby wakes every 2 h max), put down boy for all his 3 naps (one in pram and 2 in carrier so no sleep for me) and take care of him day to day, make sure he exercises, is played with, changed, talked to, well taken care of. Both families live abroad so no family help.
He’s chilled and calm because he gets all his naps and has a lot of face to face play and contact.
I love taking care of our boy, I don’t complain. I just want to be valued for all the work sometimes. It feels a bit hurtful to feel like motherhood isn’t valued and that it’s so easy to raise a baby, by someone who doesn’t do much alone time with the baby.
Am I exaggerating? Is it so easy? Would you want your partner to be supportive?

Your DH hasn't got a clue! This would really annoy me OP.

He is an idiot. If you could use a breast pump leave the bottles to him and go away for a night. See how he gets on.

If it's so easy, he won't mind you going off to a hotel overnight and letting him care for your DS for a change, will he?

Sorry, he said motherhood was easy? Not parenting? How on earth can he define something that he has zero actual understanding of?

Well he's a right charmer. What a dick.

Where to start with this! Have a day out and quote him 'you'll be fine it's easy isn't it?'.
Yes all mums do it but if anything no one prepares you for quite how tough it is!

He's being a cunt

You are not being unreasonable at all! And definitely not exaggerating!

You sound like you’re doing an absolutely brilliant job OP and your little boy is so lucky to have such a present and loving mum.

It does sound like you’re doing everything all on your own though and that is bound to be exhausting. I think your DH is being ridiculous in saying that it’s easy, because how would he know? He doesn’t sound like he’s doing much at all! You deserve to be supported and taken care of too! Could you maybe sit down with him and talk about how you feel and where you think he could help out a bit more?

I'd disappear for a few days and see how he gets on, after first making sure he gets zero help from anyone😁 cheeky bastard!

He’s chilled and calm because he gets all his naps and has a lot of face to face play and contact.

No. He’s chilled and calm because that’s the kind of baby he is.
some babies have lots of naps and lots of face to face play and contact and are still really hard babies.

Lovely, he won't mind you taking off for a week then?

Spain is pretty nice this time of year

Leave the baby with your OH for a week and they can report back to tell you how 'easy it is'.

Sexism, awful.

Why is he not doing some of the important parts of parenting?

Except that he’s cranky and cries a lot when he doesn’t sleep or is overstimulated. But even if it wasn’t the case, do you agree that taking care of a little baby is easy, both physically and emotionally?

It’s about time you developed a severe migraine and took to bed for 36-48 hrs (stirring only to breastfeed when DS brought directly to you) - he’ll soon learn

Btw if he’s 5 mths old and still waking every two hours and napping on you twice a day that is NOT easy

I think at five months it’s pretty easy tbh. Depends on the baby obviously but if your little boy is chilled and calm then you are luckier than some.
That doesn’t mean your dh can just airily declare its easy if he doesn’t do any of it.

Thanks for mansplaining motherhood to us, fuckerlugs. Now off you fuck.

All mothers don't do it though. Loads of children are dragged up rather than brought up.

Why is he having a go at you?

Some babies are easy. I thought I was mother of them year with my dd1. She was so calm and I thought it was my excellent mothering. When I had my second I realised that it wasn't me at all. It was DD's personality and dd2 was totally different.

OP
It’s pointless to debate whether motherhood is easy or not.
Spending all your love, time and energy on one tiny human suits some people, not others.
It doesn’t matter if you find it easy or not; if you are breezing it, then that is wonderful.
What DOES matter is that he doesn’t appreciate that it DOES take love, time and energy. It benefits your child and it benefits your husband. It’s worrying that he’s minimising and refusing to acknowledge your work.

And yes, he is being a dick

Not every mother raises a child. Some can't or won't or get their children taken away. Some raise kids who turn out to be rapists and murderers. Has he heard of basic psychology?

He's being a twat. As soon as your baby is weaned, book yourself a nice weekend away and leave him to do the easy stuff.

When we had our son I was working shifts, but for years I took him out for the day on one of my 2 days off so my wife could just do what she wanted/ needed, and the second day off we spent together as a three
That day with him was knackering but oh so worth it.
We went all over the place and had loads of fun.
Blokes who don't get involved ate absolutely missing out.

I’m glad some found it easy. I certainly didn’t! I found the whole business of babies very lonely and anxiety inducing. It sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job OP and I’d be hurt too if my DH said the same thing.

Your husband is an absolute prick. It's easy for him because he does nothing.

Get yourself away for a weekend and leave him everything to do, no helping him what so ever. Let's see how he gets on .