MIL stressing about Mother’s Day

[BeTaupeBear]

MIL is already trying to book us in for a day out on Mother’s Day itself - I know weeks away!
My DC is napping in the afternoon and a long nap still or nights are very difficult so I don’t want to go on a day out.
Ive also got to fit my mum in and obviously do something nice for myself!

How do people fit everyone in and what’s reasonable to let MIL know we will do with her?
I know it’s weeks away and ridiculous to talk about but I’m already being pressured

OP is a new mother and it is her day too. She has already said that she finds a long time with her MIL tiring.
My daughters have young children and I hope they spend their day being thoroughly spoilt by their children. Their husbands will have to do the work as the children are too young.
I have already had my share of Mothers’ Days.

From experience I would see them both the day before and have the day for you with dh and lo at home. Don't be manipulated into pleasing anyone.

100% this, but also make it known that from eg 3pm you want to enjoy time on your own with your DD.
Eating out on Mothers Day is literally my idea of hell.

I think it's fine to set an expectation that you will meet her for a meal, either at your house or in a restaurant. She is a mother too, after all. And invite your mum to the same ( either with MIL or separately). Or send DH to have breakfast with her.

But you don't seem to be open to solutions beyond giving her a quick cup of tea, which seems a bit mean spirited to me).

@marmiteandcheeseoncrumpetspls

Eating out on Mother’s Day is my idea of hell too. Restaurants always book too many customers in. They run late and it is very crowded.

It is more than enough.

Thanks for all the help
For those saying I’m not willing to do something with her I am just not a whole day event like she wants!
I think a breakfast out may be the solution before it gets busy and expensive then I’ve got the rest of the day to plan other things and be home for naps

You see your mum, DH sees his. Not sure why you or him need to see MILs too. DD gets to go wherever you would like her to go given its Mother’s Day and you are her mother - if you’d like a break, send her with DH. If not, take her with you. Simple.

If anyone gets offended that’s on them.

This may be controversial…..

She’s not your mother - let your DH do something for his mum.

Don’t pander and set your own traditions.

I normally take LO to see my mum in the morning for breakfast and then OH takes the baby to see his mum with him and give me a few hours of peace to relax on Mother’s Day. Then he comes back home and we’ll have a nice meal or go out for tea.

Your DH should be planning YOUR mother's day.
I don't expect my adult DCs to prioritise me when they have children themselves, it's time to honour the mothers in the trenches.

Of course it is. She sounds like a nightmare.

God that sounds awful

We?
She isn't your Mum, you have your own Mum to consider and also YOU are a Mum.
When my Mum was alive I spent Mothers Day with her and left DH to make his own arrangements. Now my Mum has gone I still don't spend the day with MIL but DH is welcome to
I did used to get pressure to try and please everyone and ended up pleasing nobody

We all meet up for a walk and play in the park, have a coffee and a cake exchange cards and say goodbye. So everyone sees their mum's, grandmothers and kids.

So you don't like your mil

Honestly since we’ve had kids we both just send other respective mothers flowers and make Mother’s Day and Father’s Day about us. We are the ones doing the active parenting!

What a ridiculous position. She will squeeze herself out by being completely unreasonable. Don't be that MIL.

If she's really going to push it, it's your husband only that needs to engage. I would do exactly what you want. You are the "mother" priority now. MIL needs to realise that she's not the centre of the circle of life anymore.

Mothers day is for the kid (of whatever age) to give their mother a gift or card or spend time with her. Aided by the other parent if the kid is too young to do this themselves.

I don't understand why women are getting involved with their husbands plans for their own mothers. I'm sure your husband is fine to sort a gift or whatever himself OP, don't give it any thought.

Absolutely this. MIL had her time.

Set out expectations now and stick to them.

Send cards (and flowers of you want to).

But make it clear. You are a mother too and your treat for mother's day is you, your husband and child(ren) doing your own quiet day at home together. There will be no day out/meal out/catering for others.

Fuck this shit,

You're a mother too.

Do what you want to do. They've had their turn.

What’s your dh doing for her? Does she have other children? What are they doing for her? It’s not your job to sort out. It’s your day too.

You have a lovely relaxing day at home with a lie in and with Dh and your dc. Do whatever you want to do. Then Dh organises a tea or cooks a meal in the afternoon and invites MIL and you invite your mum. If you really must. Otherwise just make your own plans. I don’t think we’ve seen MIL on Mother’s Day in about 15 years. Nor has BIL/SIL and they are childfree.

Honestly, we don’t do any of this juggling. It’s a nice day for me with Dh and dc. I’m NC with my family, but previously would have sent a card and a text. MIL gets a WhatsApp from Dh and BIL. That’s it.

I hate mothers day, it is literally spent keeping the two grandmas happy and I don't get a look in even though I am a mother too. We see mil on the Saturday and make a fuss of her then, then on Sunday we see my mum. Leaving no time for me to relax on my mothers day.

You see your mum, he sees his. Then he cooks dinner for you in the evening