My newborn baby won’t sleep in crib- help!

[Newmama1998]

Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting here. I’ve just had my first baby, now 4 weeks old, and could really use some advice on sleeping, particularly on transferring to cot and encouraging her to sleep more in nighttime.

At the moment, she sleeps most of the day (2-3hr naps at a time) in my arms, but she barely sleeps at night between midnight and 7AM. Even when she does fall asleep on me at night (always after a feed), she wakes up as soon as I transfer her to Moses basket.

I have tried rocking her, shushing her, and giving her a dummy for comfort (even though I never wanted to give her a dummy in the first place but I’m desperate!) but nothing seems to work.

I’m really struggling with lack of sleep in the night as she literally won’t sleep in Moses basket at all in nighttime.

A week ago, she would sleep for 1 or 2 hours in the Moses basket, but now she won’t sleep in there at all.

Does anyone have any advice/tips? Or any idea when this stage might ease up?

I know it’s normal for newborns to want to be held and sleep is often random, but just want some input from other mums who have been through the same!

Have tried or thought about cosleeping?

Do you mean bed sharing specifically? I’m too scared to do that as I have a family member who lost a baby so I think I would feel too anxious to bedshare unfortunately😭

Leave a hot water bottle (not too hot) in the crib whilst you are feeding and remove it just before you put them in. Then they are going from the warmth of your arms to a warm bed rather than a cold one.

Nothing made my son sleep in a Moses basket though, I don’t get much sleep at all! But know that this time does pass quickly and ensure your partner is helping too

You could try a bedside cot with a side that drops down so it's an extension of the bed and it might help if you sleep on her sheet first so it smells of you. You could try keeping her more active during the day and gradually adust bedtime so she is more tired at night and less restful during the day. But she would understandably far rather be cosied up to you than not.

Hot water bottle is a good shout

Ooooh okay great, I will try this out, thank you so much! How long did it take for your son to start sleeping in Moses basket? Or are you still going through it?☺️

I will try this, thank you! I do have a next to me cot, but have been using Moses basket, so will try this and hot water bottle.

In daytime, should I wake her up from naps? I always feel bad for waking her as she’s probably tired too haha

She’s got to get used to sleeping in a safe place. It’s not safe holding her, as you will be shattered. I second the hot water bottle idea. You can also try white noise. You have to persevere with putting her down to sleep. I know it’s hard but what’s safe is most important.

I understand it’s about doing what’s safe, but she’s not sleeping when I put her down so what do I do when I’m putting her down and she’s crying?

I always pick her up when she’s crying, so I don’t really have a choice but to hold her as she cries when put down.

Tonight for instance, I’ve tried to put her down 3-4 times in last 4 hours but it hasn’t worked, so have had to hold her.

She also feeds on me constantly at the moment- in the last 5 hours, she has spent the best part of 3 hours feeding.

Get rid of the moses basket and get a next to me crib. I've heard of so many babies point blank refusing to sleep in Moses baskets. It's frustrating when you've spent a lot of money on one. I didn't bother as they are so small and babies grow out of them so quick.
Mine were in a next to me from 0-6 months, they're good as you can usually rock them a little, i drop the side down so I can be really close to baby, and i used to put it on the incline setting if baby was congested. There were times though that even then the motion of placing them in the cot wakes them up. Apparently it's similar to that falling sensation we have when we're falling asleep and it jolts them awake. So your meant to either put them in "drowsy but awake" (ha yes good luck with that one, never worked for me!!!!) Or once they've fell sound asleep.
Try and stop the contact naps in the daytime, I know they're lovely and snuggly but you really need to get baby used to sleeping in a safe space.

Another who used the hot water bottle idea! I also got a white noise machine that emits a red light. It helped! We also got a new mattress and put the next to me at a slight angle (put something under the legs on one end, not under the mattress). When transferring the baby, go feet first, then butt, then head. I rest my hands on his chest then for a few minutes and gradually move them away.
I think accepting that unfortunately it's not going to miraculously fix itself over night is part of it. We had to build the baby up over time.

I experienced exactly the same thing with my little one, now six months. Do you have a partner who could help out? My husband and I started doing shifts where we would each hold the baby for a few hours, then let the other one sleep, and then we would swap.

After about four weeks my husband would take the baby for the first shift, then in the second part of the night I would feed or bounce the baby to sleep and then put him down. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t but at least I was relatively rested and could practice putting the baby down.

In terms of getting the baby down, I would feed or bounce and then transfer to the crib after 20 minutes before sitting next to him and gently patting him for five minutes. That did the job for us but I know a lot of people swear by shushing or jiggling the mattress. I think it’s just a case of trying loads of different things and seeing what works unfortunately. My son also had reflux and once we got that sorted his sleep massively improved.

Just know you will get there and this period will likely pass in less than a few weeks.

I had this issue a bit with my first born until eventually I realised I was 'missing' some of her sleep. She was often asleep and sucking in her sleep, not actually feeding. Nobody told me this though, I think I eventually read something about it. After 30 mins, or less if the baby looks asleep, I gently unlatch. If baby is still awake or wakes up wanting to feed them you can just latch them back on. If baby is actually just asleep and doesn't make any move to latch on again then you can wind and then try putting them down. You might have some more success with this and won't miss some of her sleeping time. Baby sleep cycles are short, so if you're having her latched on for hours, she may be waking up again by the time she's unlatching and you may be missing her actual nap in the middle.

Honestly, there are loads of "tricks" people say, but I genuinely believe the only thing that reliably works is time. Sorry! But it feels like an eternity when you are in it, but I promise it does pass.

Shift sleeping is great if you have a partner. You go to bed early and get 6hrs sleep or so and then swap. Basically feed, sleep, partner does a feed (or brings to you if ebf) and then you sleep until next feed. If baby is cluster feeding in the evening, swap shifts so you take the first one.

Do you swaddle? We used the love to dream swaddles, as our baby naturally sleeps with arms above their head. It stops them waking due to the startle reflex, so one less thing to worry about! Other friends babies like to use basic velcro swaddles or the halo blanket.

In terms of time, we found this period coincided with the newborn crying curve: getting fussier and fussier until wk 7 then getting better from there (curve says wks 6-8 to peak, so you're over half way!!)

At this point your baby can't even see you properly, unless very close. They will identify you by the smell of you and your milk. It makes sense it's scary for them to be put down in a moses basket, even if it seems close to you, it might as well be three streets away for all baby knows.

All of this is common. Hang in there. (My kids are older). I remember thinking they would never sleep and now I can’t wake them up for school. Your baby doesn’t want to be separated from you which is why she sleeps best on you. We had a bedside crib and I would put my hand in there and hold her there. Sometimes that worked. Sometimes. Then we co-slept safely after a point. And we all got more sleep.
And the constant cluster feeding is normal. It could be a growth spurt or it could just be that’s she’s expanding your supply.
I would say the first 6-8 weeks were the very worst and then both my kids fell into some kind of vague pattern (but not the same one- kid one needed a nap between 60-90 mins of waking up- kid 2 could power through and then had a much longer nap. Guess what? Kid 1 is still grumpy in the morning and Kid 2 wakes up ready to go!). But once I had identified the pattern, I would nudge them both towards it.

One tip, if she sleeps say for 20 mins-45 mins and then wakes up screaming (hello DS1) then instead of picking up it might be worth seeing if putting a hand in the crib, and holding her there might work. It’s teaching them to connect sleep cycles.

And the No Cry Sleep Solution is a great book for helping breastfeeding mums figure out sleep and arm sleeping.

Oh and don't stop the daytime contact naps unless you want too. Soon your baby will develop a circadian rhythm and be able to tell the difference. Mine in now 16 weeks and usually sleeps perfectly in a next to me with only one night wake up.

But during the day, will only contact nap! It's perfectly developmentally normal. Babies are great at saying what they need, we just need to trust them, trust the process (and probably stay away from Instagram and the bullshit sleep coaches on there!)

Look up the rockit rocker, you can attached it to the buggy or Moses and it will continue to rock to settle your bub. Then it will switch off after a certain time and my little girl would stay asleep

Yes I did mean bed sharing. I am so sorry to hear what happened to your family friend and their poor darling baby🤍
it isn’t for everyone but there’s a lot of alternative research about how safe it can be and that it doesn’t increase the risk (if done safely).
Obviously completely your choice but look up McKenna’s research if you are interested. Also Safe Sleep 7 on Lullaby Trust for info on how to do it safely.
Wishing you all the luck whatever you choose to do! Baby sleep is bloody tough x

I’m not an expert, but it sounds maybe like your baby has their day and night confused (which is very common). We definitely woke our baby up in the day and reset the day/night approach. It was also really important that they fed enough in the day - they should feed more in the day than overnight and sometimes if they are sleeping all day they end up needing to feed even more over night to catch up . Also, try to put your baby down for naps during the day too.
when you put your baby in the crib at night, try swaddling them first (I had 2 baby’s who loved this one one who hates it) and then lie them down on their side, and hold them there firmly with your hands giving gentle pressure on their top side. A nanny taught me this trick. Sometimes I had to sit like that for 15 minutes but it would typically get him into a deep sleep and then I would very gently roll onto back.

My baby would only sleep swaddled in a muslin, arms in (no startle response). You can get velcro wraps if you want something that won't come loose.

You also need to sleep in shifts, get your partner to take the baby for part of the night and bring to your for feeds and then take away again. Or any friend/ relative who can help.

My partner gave a bottle of formula at bed time so I could go early to bed. You could do the same with expressed milk. Just a thought!

It will get easier ❤️

Try putting a y shirt you e been wearing in her Moses basket, so she can smell you.

As a poster said, they're loads of tricks and companies that will try and part you with your money with white noise devices and rockers etc.

It's about finding what works for you.

Look at it this way: Your baby is not programmed to sleep alone. She's vulnerable and helpless and needs your protection from predators and relies on your warmth. She needs to suckle constantly to make sure your milk supply is plentiful. That's basically the biology of it.

If you accept this rather than fighting it or trying to find solutions you will find life easier.

"This will pass"

Im really sorry about this tragedy. I don't want to scare you, but it's best to be aware, that intentional co-sleeping is above and beyond miles safer than accidentally falling asleep whilst holding a baby in an unsafe location such as a couch. I'm not saying you should co-sleep- but please do have a good read of the lullaby trust website and familiarise yourself with everything. Just with you saying you are doing lengthy daytime contact naps with baby, you don't want to get to the point where you nod off unintentionally during one of baby's naps x

I agree with @Wavescrashingonthebeach

You need to know how to bed share safely even if you don't intend to do it. You should also know risk factors, things like breastfeeding, not being on certain medicines, not being very obese, not drinking all impact risk.

There's risk from bed sharing but also risk from extreme exhaustion.

Mine would cry when they were gassy. Picking them up never solved it. I only realised this when I took a few minutes to get to a crying DS, as I went to him be did a big gassy pop and stopped crying. I slunk out of that room and he was fine.
For him, being picked up just squashed his stomach more and he couldn't settle. He needed to get it out.

I co-slept. It was the only way we slept with our first (second would settle on her own in moses basket or crib - did nothing different!). I felt it was far safer intentionally co-sleeping the safest way we could on a flat clear mattress than be so exhausted we fell asleep with her in our arms and she fell into an unsafe position on an unsafe surface. DH slept elsewhere.