My newborn baby won’t sleep in crib- help!

[Newmama1998]

Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting here. I’ve just had my first baby, now 4 weeks old, and could really use some advice on sleeping, particularly on transferring to cot and encouraging her to sleep more in nighttime.

At the moment, she sleeps most of the day (2-3hr naps at a time) in my arms, but she barely sleeps at night between midnight and 7AM. Even when she does fall asleep on me at night (always after a feed), she wakes up as soon as I transfer her to Moses basket.

I have tried rocking her, shushing her, and giving her a dummy for comfort (even though I never wanted to give her a dummy in the first place but I’m desperate!) but nothing seems to work.

I’m really struggling with lack of sleep in the night as she literally won’t sleep in Moses basket at all in nighttime.

A week ago, she would sleep for 1 or 2 hours in the Moses basket, but now she won’t sleep in there at all.

Does anyone have any advice/tips? Or any idea when this stage might ease up?

I know it’s normal for newborns to want to be held and sleep is often random, but just want some input from other mums who have been through the same!

Cosleeping is far safer than risking accidentally falling asleep with baby in your arms, which you will do at this rate. Honestly, look up safe cosleeping. It's no more dangerous than not cosleeping. Statistics are completely skewed by people who fall asleep with babies on sofas etc.

She may well be cluster feeding right now and about to go through a growth spurt.

My daughter was like this, we made the decision to safely deliberately cosleep rather than accidentally falling asleep with her. She wasn't out of my arms day or night until over 5 months when we got proper reflux treatment and started down the allergy path and was 2 before she spent most the night in her cot/ bed. Even with cosleeping the lack of sleep was a disaster for my mental health, I'm bipolar so vulnerable and I developed treatment resistant depression and spent 10 weeks in hospital.
Have you tried the drop test to see if they are asleep enough to transfer? You bend your knees to mimic lowering them into the cot and if they wake/stir they aren't asleep to transfer. Before cosleeping our routine was wake change nappy, feed change nappy mini feed, then I held her for over a hour to get her to sleep enough to transfer. Then I got 30-90 minutes before she woke again. It was completely unsustainable
The first time I coslept I did it for a nap in the room my partner was working in so there was someone awake and could keep an eye on us.

Agree with PP who said ditch the moses basket, my eldest went in for the first 3 weeks of his lofe then hated it. My youngest refused eight from the get go!

I too agree with this sentiment. I'm very sorry to hear of their loss.

It's far fat better to know how to do it safely than unintentionally fall asleep with a baby in your arms or something on the sofa.

Co sleeping has kept me sane!

Just want to say OP that I too am terrified of cosleeping and it actually gives me less sleep because of the anxiety. Loads of people advised me to do it as it had worked for them so I gave it a go for one night. He absolutely hated it, he wanted to be held, lying beside me was no good. So I stuck to my guns and gradually got him to sleep in his bed. I increased the time every night. First few nights we aimed for him sleeping between his last feed before bed and his first feed during the night. Then built it up to being put back in after his first feed, etc etc. Now he goes back into it after every feed.

Set your expectations low, and build on it over time. If you expect your baby to just go from not sleeping in their own bed to sleeping all night in their own bed, you will only end up frustrating and upsetting yourself. You'll get there.

My daughter and I co-slept. Even then there was a good three weeks where she was on me a lot of the time. I don’t move around much at all in bed and I had a set up that meant duvets not couldn’t go over her and she couldn’t fall off the bed. I found wrapping her in a cardigan that smelt of me helped the transition to being on her own. But realistically, I was co sleeping until she was about five months old. Essentially, the right set up is critical. Lots of cultures do it

we eventually got a bedside bassinet (newton). It attaches right next to your bed, so I could just roll over and soothe baby without fully getting up, which helped a ton. It stood out in terms of sturdy and stability, and since it’s pretty roomy (almost the size of a mini crib), we were able to use it until around 6mo. By then we had already started doing nap training in the crib during the day, so the transition wasn’t as hard when it was time to move baby out of our room... but sometimes baby just wants mom over any bassinet or crib lol

The difficult truth here is that human babies are not designed to sleep alone, they need to be near us, preferably in contact, to feel safe. This is why she sleeps for 2-3 hours when you hold her, but not when you put her down in the crib.

I know you say you are reluctant to bedshare, but there are simple guidelines to follow that make it safe. Millions of babies share sleep safely, in cultures where bedsharing is the norm SIDS rates are the lowest. Babies are primal instinctive creatures, she doesn’t know there are no cave bears in your house, so if she can’t feel you near her, she will be scared and cry. Try to take her out the house every day, preferably in the afternoon, and this will help her circadian rhythm form so she knows the difference between day and night, even a walk to a local shop is enough, it doesn’t have to be a 3 hour trip into town for coffee & shopping.

Learn to feed lying on your side and make your bed safe for her, or drop the side of the crib and fix it against your bed so it’s an extension of your sleep space, with no gaps between the mattresses, and you’ll get much more sleep.

Also keep in mind there are growth spurts at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 12 weeks and 20 weeks, where for a few days she will want to feed a lot, and you’ll worry she’s not getting enough, but what she’s doing is stimulating your supply, to make you make more milk. It sounds like you may have just had the 3 week one.

Is there a breastfeeding group near you? The solidarity of other mums can be a life saver, as well as checking that those extra long feeds are just growth spurts and nothing to worry about.