People on maternity leave with 2 - how do you split childcare?

[Needmynailsdone]

Im on maternity leave with a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old. Partner works full time. Both are home with me most days, 2.5 year old goes to childminder once a week. My mum is here most days and helps loads, but I find that I end up never getting any time to myself, ever.

At weekends / evenings my partner is there but I often feel like we divide and conquer so he only ever has the toddler and I’m constantly on baby duty, it’s so draining.

I want to “book in” a few hours a week to myself, but not sure if I’m being a bit selfish? Or if it’s too formal?!

How does everyone else do it? Is it just a grin and bear it situation and before you know it they’re 27?

I don't think you are being unreasonable to crave some time to yourself, however tbh it seems as if you are already getting lots of help.
My view is probably coloured as I had two 18 months apart with a partner who worked long hours and no respite or help at all during the early years.

I'm due to have a baby next week. I have a 22 month old son. He will be in childcare 4 days a week as they're his usual nursery days. I couldn't imagine coping with anymore than that tbh

Honestly, with a 6 month old baby I don't think a few hours a week alone time is realistic

Yeah tbh I did consider putting him into the childminder a few more days but it’s the cost, what with me not earning at the minute. If I could I absolutely would have done that though! Congrats on the baby, it’s so sweet watching them interact

If you're both working are you not getting your 15 funded hours?

Your mum is there most days and your Dh is presumably around all weekend. That’s much more support than most people have. I think we have had family over to ‘help’ about 10 times and our eldest is 12!

Assuming your 6 month old isn’t breastfeeding, you just say right I’m going for lunch on whatever day and will be back at 4pm (you probably say it a bit nicer to your mum!). Or if you are bf, you go do what you want to do and they come along with you and bring baby to you for a feed as necessary and then go away again.

A couple of hours was hard to manage when mine were that age, as it meant basically a whole day when we didn’t see each other in order to swap me times.

But surely it’s easy to have the odd hour during the week if you’re mums always there and a bit of time at the weekend when you want to do something?

We’ve got no help, and no childcare 😅 It’s between me and my husband.

Could you hit up the gym in the evenings? Go sit in a pub with wine once both are asleep?

Im not sure time to yourself really exists the same way as a parent of young children, but perhaps that’s just my situation. I’ve been working or with my toddler for almost every hour since he was born, except for when he’s asleep; and even then he’s with me half the time 😅

If you can there's no reason you and your dh can't grab a few hours at the weekend each. So say he gets Saturday 9-12 and you get 1-4 then you do family stuff Sunday. Or you could ask your mum to babysit and get some quality time together

I think at 6 months it’s pretty normal to have them pretty much glued to you.
I had a slightly smaller gap than you
and much less help or time without the toddler.

Will your LO take a bottle? If they do then you could try and organise a couple of hours or so time out at the weekend and you’re in no way unreasonable for wanting this - but for me it was usually nipping to the supermarket for some me time - and even that I mainly did with double buggy tbh.

We’re in Scotland, he doesn’t get anything until he’s 3

The way we do it is that we have a family day one day at the weekend, and then the other day, the other one is on baby duty for a few hours then we swap. Usually I go to yoga in the morning and for a coffee and he does a bike ride or gym in the afternoon. We only have one toddler, but could you do something similar some weeks?

Granted only have one. But in 7 months not had help from a single soul for 5 mins other than my husband who is also tired from working full time and more so that I can take the full year off. My me time is the toilet without baby or a quick bath 😂 I think once the youngest is a bit older it will be easier for you to have me time again! So many days I wish I had a mum to help me out especially on the days I've been up all night and can barely keep my eyes open!

This is a nice idea! I’ll suggest it. Thanks

Ah sorry, this sounds rough. I am grateful for my mums help and appreciate I seem to have more help than most, I just don’t want to take the piss and lean on people too much so I feel guilty whenever I leave them. Hope you get more than 5 mins to yourself sometime soon x

Our eldest went to nursery 3 days a week and during those days I concentrated on having one to one time with the baby and went to lots of baby classes. The other two days I focused on my eldest and did things she wanted like play dates, soft play, more toddler type activities and baby just came along. So they both got time when they were the main focus. I didn’t get any help though other than my husband who works full time so very little time to myself.

I think it's probably best to have a chat with your OH and "book" some time in at the weekend. It's normal to want some time to yourself. I have an 8 month old and a preschooler. Most week days I get 0 child-free time. Or twenty minutes when I'm putting out washing or doing dishes. It gets a bit overwhelming. On a Friday eve I try and get five minutes to chat to DH about the weekend and what we want to do / plan out a bit of child-free time each. Tbh my DJ still isn't very confident with the baby so I usually only get an hour or two, but hoping that changes soon.

You aren't talking the piss. We should all have a village and help with little ones 🥰

I'm glad you're suggesting it! I think it's really important for dads to have one to one time with their kids too when you're on maternity leave.

My little boy is 8 months and I have a nearly 4 year old! I go to Pilates 2 evenings a week and 1 early morning (7am) weekdays

husband goes to the gym 2 evenings a week

weekends I always go to a class or a swim at 8am Saturday & Sundays

i often go to the cinema on a weekday evening as well just after the baby is in bed I go out and leave husband to do toddler bed

every other weekend we take a day each to ourselves

you l need some time to yourself op! Start booking some time in for you!

You have a childminder one day a week and another adult to help 'most days'

YABVU to not realise you have it a lot easier than most!

Okay, I’m suitably chastened!

I feel for you, it is super hard. I had 2 under 2 for a few months and my husband is self employed and we r not well off so he really needed to be working. He works 6 days a week. It was absolutely hard going. My eldest didn’t start nursery til 3 n no one really dropped round to lend a hand even when he had to work just days after baby 2 was born(I still feel resentful of this) anyway I just tried to get them out the house most days and keep busy. Once the nursery funding kicks in at 3 things become slightly easier. If u manage to get any time for urself grab it with both hands

This sounds really hard, well done for getting through it. I hope you’re able to get a bit more time to yourself now eldest is in nursery? Agree with getting them out the house, we do playgroups 4 days a week and even just being around other adults makes it a bit more bearable x

I've got a 7 month old and a toddler (turns 3 in a couple of months). She's in nursery 3 days a week, I'm at home with both kids two days then my husband is around at weekends. I feel like I get quite a lot of time for myself (relatively speaking, considering we have very young kids). My husband and I are both very active (running, cycling, gym) and make time for each other to do something most days. Weekends we often take it in turns to have both kids for a few hours to free the other one up. Sometimes we divide and conquer, but often one of us will get up with both kids or do bedtime with both, to free the other person up.

Obviously it's a lot harder than just having one, and a world away from the free time we had before kids! But I feel like we have a good balance. My husband works from home a lot though, which I think really helps. And I think we both just realise how crucial that free time is to fill each of our cups, so that we're better parents when we're with the kids, so we make it a priority for each other.