Can father circumcise son without mothers consent?

[shrekthree]

Hi all, I am worried sick as my son’s dad keeps on pushing circumcision, despite knowing I don’t want our son to have it.

We split up last year and I moved an hour away so contact is only once a week and in my local area but he has spoken to me this week about it again, almost in a, “this is what’s going to happen way.”

I’m not scared of him taking my son to get it done whilst he has contact, as it’s only for a couple of hours and he wouldn’t know any one in my area who does it. But as our son is getting older (he’s 2 now) he wants to start having him overnight and for weekends etc which I am not against as I know it’s important for our son, but I’m so scared he will go behind my back and take him somewhere to get it done.

For added context, his whole family is very pro circumcision and I know his mum is in his ear about it too. We broke up for numerous reasons to be honest, one of the main ones was that I couldn’t trust him as he lied a lot. So it’s not like I even feel comfortable taking his word for it, which he hasn’t even given me anyway.

I have my son’s birth certificate and passport by the way.

If anyone has any insight on this matter I’d really appreciate it thank you. 🙏

What country are you in?

@Theunamedcat England

I’d block contact until the entire family gets over their obsession with a baby’s penis.

What utter fucking weirdos.

I can’t believe this shit is still legal.

I’m wondering if it might be possible to go to court and get a Prohibited Steps Order concerning this.

My husband wasted our son to be circumcised when he was a baby. We went and saw a specialist about it through the NHS and he refused to do it. Said they don't do it now unless there is a medical reason it needed to be done. I was so relieved as was bullied by my husband into going along with it. I can't tell you the relief I felt coming out of there. Could they even do it without both parents consent?

Having had a boy recently the idea of circumcision wasn't even bought up by medical professionals, I'd be surprised if he could even find someone to do it with or without your consent.

I think you could ask for a prohibitive steps order to prevent him doing it, but that does come with its own risks. Is he on birth certificate?

I would fully expect him to get it done behind your back if he’s given the opportunity to spend a few hours with your son. I don’t think your consent will be needed as I’m guessing his culture doesn’t show much respect towards women.

Is this for religious reasons?

Apparently, doctors are supposed to get the consent of both parents for this.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-68180929.amp

I had a friend in this position once. She didn’t let the ex see her son until she got a court order prohibiting it. I believe it’s not uncommon for fathers to lie and make up issues with peeing or some other crap to justify it medically. I’d speak to a professional about this.

I believe it’s done in the community - like Fgm- presumably illegally. He’s be relying on you saying nothing afterwards.

If you make it clear you will go to the police he’ll perhaps back off

As above prohibited steps sharpish

Dont forget that it might not be done by a medically qualified person

Thanks everyone for responding. I feel so paranoid about letting him go and stay at his dad’s because of it.

I’m deffo going to look into prohibited steps order as I’ve never heard of that, and let him know I will go to the police if it ever happened.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach not really as he isn’t religious himself, although his family is. I think it’s more cultural than religious.

Sadly there are non medical people in communities who carry this out, you need to protect your ds. See a solicitor and find out how you can legally prevent this.

Is it illegal? What is his reason for requesting it?

I'd be concerned about him getting it done by someone unqualified, especially if his family are likely to have the necessary connections for that.

I would want to stop contact, but I'm not sure of the legalities. I think you need legal advice.

You need to raise your concerns with your child's health team. It needs to be recorded on his NHS record at his GP surgery that this is something he may attempt via excuses like soreness from urine or another health lie.
Speak to your child's health visiting team. He does have one until he's aged 5 years. They may have a different system to the GP and it maybe linked to the hospital records too.
Speak to practice managers and ensure its everywhere and that it's only your number on his health records (not your MIL who might also be Mrs same surname).
They may all raise safeguardings to keep your child safe. This is in the best interest of the child.

Cross posted. But it wouldn’t surprise me if your GP has come across this scenario before and can give you some advice.

I don’t think the Prohibited Steps order will give you anything more. Circumcision is illegal anyway. I would tell him this and threaten him with prison. If you think he’d do it anyway then you need to stop contact and explain to court/social care why.

Super tricky but the fact that you are against circumcision should mean that no Dr. or faith leader is allowed to perform it .some considerations in the document attached www.londonsafeguardingchildrenprocedures.co.uk/male_circum.html

Circumcision isn't illegal! I think it should be in line with FGM, but this is a rare circumstance where girls have more protection than boys.

I know a teenaged boy who had a circumcision {Zip bite that caused a tear that then had scarring- {I didn't see it, he described it to me}
Urology dept did it as day surgery under general anaesthetic.

I would think at two a child would need a general anaesthetic and a sterile operating site , and a medically qualified urologist to do the job.

If it's not medically needed, leave well alone!

I don’t think that any medical doctor would do it.

Men can pay privately to have it done in UK, if it's not a medical need ,but probably only for over 18's.