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Original poster

A Worrying Trend

151 replies

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 13:55

I am of a certain age where many of my friends have become grandparents in the last few years and I’m appalled.
Several of their daughters seem to think it’s absolutely fine to attempt to emotionally blackmail their parents into behaving a certain way if the poor grandparents wish to carry on seeing their grandchildren.
I have to ask them, who on earth do they think they are? Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and I’m sure as eggs is eggs that these same daughters will make many mistakes along the way too.
I’m genuinely horrified that these young mums and dads think they can treat their parents this way. So upsetting and totally unnecessary. There is no excuse. Ever.

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Winederlust · 05/02/2025 19:41

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 19:28

Goodness me, so much hatred. Best you get yourself off to therapy.
oh and remember that your children will be able to make their own minds up later so you might come off worse.
When I was consoling this poor person today, I reminded her that in a few years they’ll be old enough to make their own decisions. I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of any parent who thinks they have the right to stop any grandchild relationship. Karma has a habit of biting back hard. 🤣🤣

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Wow.

If your friends have acted anything like you are on this thread OP then I'm not in the least bit surprised their children want minimal contact with the grandkids.

There are always 2 sides to every story. How do you know your friend is the innocent one in the situation?

You come across as bloody entitled to be honest so it wouldn't surprise me if your friend is too.

Georgyporky · 05/02/2025 19:42

@Buzyizzy21
What are you talking about ? Try giving examples.

FluffMagnet · 05/02/2025 19:42

I think Gransnet would be a better place for you to vent. But I would ask you to ponder, are the requests really that unreasonable? Research continually changes best practice, and highlights dangers you may not have been aware of when younger. For example, my mother was told to lay babies on their side when I was born, on their tummy by the time my sister was born just a couple of years later, and now of course it is on their backs. My DM was a bit concerned my eldest would choke laid on her back, but fortunately did not push her views and went off to find out the latest guidance. No one wants to be lectured by someone who last dealt with their own baby 30 odd years ago. Parents have access to a wealth of information these days and have often done a lot of research, so why would you upset your own offspring by going against their wishes with the most precious thing in their lives? Are your friends concerned by the hurt they will have caused their offspring by going against their parameters? "I know best" and riding roughshod over your adult child's boundaries, especially where it comes to grandchildren, is only going to end up with hurt feelings all round and lack of contact.

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scoobysnaxx · 05/02/2025 19:43

Completelyjo · 05/02/2025 13:59

Several of their daughters seem to think it’s absolutely fine to attempt to emotionally blackmail their parents into behaving a certain way if the poor grandparents wish to carry on seeing their grandchildren.

This really isnt clear cut. If they grandparents are behaving a certain way that compromises children’s safety or is at odds to the way the mother and father want the child raised then the end result will be them seeing the children less. That seems obvious.
You aren’t owed a relationship with anyone regardless of how you behave.

THIS.

Guess what, no one is ENTITLED to a relationship with anyone else. Grandparents have a nasty habit of weaponising 'I raised you' and think they can get away with parenting/grandparentjng however they like, even against the parents (their children's wishes). It's disrespectful and people aren't standing for it anymore. My parents are in their 70s and wouldn't dream of over stepping or being pushy just because THEY RAISED ME.

People like you are the problem. Seriously, have a word with yourself.

sprigatito · 05/02/2025 19:44

This nonsense about chickens coming home to roost is always trotted out by butthurt toxic narcissists who have lost their supply. My children are in their twenties. The only feelings they have about their maternal grandparents are a) gratitude that DH and I had the courage to draw boundaries and provide them with a normal, abuse-free childhood, and b) contempt for the dysfunctional weirdos who abused their mother.

I did, in fact (and in law) have the right to make decisions about who had access to my children. Thank goodness.

ThatMerryReader · 05/02/2025 19:44

In my opinion, grandparents are overrated.
Most of the times they are not clued up enough to deal with the troubles of the modern world.

MadmansLibrary · 05/02/2025 19:45

@Buzyizzy21 If this isn't merely a goady thread, you sound like just the sort of person I'd keep my kid away from. You seem to think your friends are entitled to a relationship with their grandchildren but if they aren't grandparenting in a kind, empathetic way, then they can get fucked frankly, as sure as eggs are eggs.

chakrakkhan · 05/02/2025 19:46

Why is this post only aimed at 'you young mums' and the daughters? Are the sons and fathers blameless? Have no autonomy? Your misogyny is showing OP.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 05/02/2025 19:49

I stopped my kids seeing their grandparents and 4 of them are either adults or teens and thanked me for it when they saw how much their grandparents had fucked their cousins up.

I have every right to protect my kids how they see fit, and if my kids decide to have kids, and stopped me seeing them, I would be looking inward to see what I had done, because I would have been the one to fuck up somewhere.

Livelovebehappy · 05/02/2025 19:50

ThatMerryReader · 05/02/2025 19:44

In my opinion, grandparents are overrated.
Most of the times they are not clued up enough to deal with the troubles of the modern world.

Edited

Grandparents, nice kind and loving ones, can bring a lot of joy to grandchildren. Whilst I agree OP is not covering herself in glory on this thread, I really don’t think you can make a statement like this. I’m a youngish GP, and adore my gd, and have a fantastic relationship with her. I’d be really sad to think my role in her life is overrated.

NikKai · 05/02/2025 19:52

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 19:28

Goodness me, so much hatred. Best you get yourself off to therapy.
oh and remember that your children will be able to make their own minds up later so you might come off worse.
When I was consoling this poor person today, I reminded her that in a few years they’ll be old enough to make their own decisions. I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of any parent who thinks they have the right to stop any grandchild relationship. Karma has a habit of biting back hard. 🤣🤣

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Therapy..

Karma...

Hatred...

Oh the irony 😂😂😂😂😂

Octavia64 · 05/02/2025 19:52

Parents DO have the right to stop children seeing grandparents.

You may or may not like it but that is the situation (except in cases where the grandparent has effectively taken in the grandchild and become parent).

scoobysnaxx · 05/02/2025 19:53

@Buzyizzy21 your comment to @Washingmachineparty is absolutely disgusting. You have no idea what she may have been through with her mother. Saying 'better get off to therapy' to someone who's just stated how abusive a parent has been to them. Absolutely sick.

Your opinion and conduct is incredibly problematic.

I'd be intrigued to know what your children think of you..

Perhaps you should explore your entitlement in therapy.

Sincerely, a psychotherapist.

CaptainBeanThief · 05/02/2025 19:53

Their children, their rules, I suppose?

LlynTegid · 05/02/2025 19:54

ThatMerryReader · 05/02/2025 19:44

In my opinion, grandparents are overrated.
Most of the times they are not clued up enough to deal with the troubles of the modern world.

Edited

I disagree, a grandparent can bring something additional and important to a child. A good grandparent that is, there will be some who are unsuitable role models or who are cruel to either child or grandchild.

TurkeyLurkey4 · 05/02/2025 19:55

I think you need to take a breath. You’re attacking people you don’t even know over something that’s not even happening to you. Let the people on either side of that dynamic be responsible for their decisions and behaviour and how they chose to manage it 🤷‍♀️

Saggyknickers · 05/02/2025 19:56

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 19:28

Goodness me, so much hatred. Best you get yourself off to therapy.
oh and remember that your children will be able to make their own minds up later so you might come off worse.
When I was consoling this poor person today, I reminded her that in a few years they’ll be old enough to make their own decisions. I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of any parent who thinks they have the right to stop any grandchild relationship. Karma has a habit of biting back hard. 🤣🤣

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Are you ok love? 🤔

TinklySnail · 05/02/2025 19:56

They have boundaries that’s all.
Grandparents either need to respect them or risk not having a relationship with their grandchildren.
Grandparents are full on worthy wisdom, but only when it’s asked for.

Thatissimplyuntrue · 05/02/2025 19:56

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 19:15

One day, maybe, you’ll all be grandparents and just remember that chickens come home to roost.
Like I said, I am so disappointed that you young mums think you know so much better than your own parents and your OH parents.

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If things are going in the right direction then each generation does actually do better than the last.

Lozzq · 05/02/2025 19:57

What a frustrating thread, without context this is pointless conversation. It could be totally justified (eg child safety) or completely unfair in the grandparents.

Meadowflower2023 · 05/02/2025 19:58

@Buzyizzy21 you sound like an absolutely awful individual and it's plain to see why your 'friends' can't see their grandchildren. Some of your replies are disgraceful.

Bilbo63 · 05/02/2025 19:58

I am a grandmother and I may not always agree with my son and daughter in laws parenting, but I never say anything and I respect their wishes. I never for one moment think I know more because I have extensive experience in parenting. I made plenty of mistakes as will they.

TheignT · 05/02/2025 19:58

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 19:15

One day, maybe, you’ll all be grandparents and just remember that chickens come home to roost.
Like I said, I am so disappointed that you young mums think you know so much better than your own parents and your OH parents.

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I'm a grandmother. Eight GC with 5 different mothers, mix of DD and DIL. Never have any issues, I think the worst issue was one of the mums being annoyed Id shrunk an item of GSs clothing. I did and I apologised. Maybe some grandparents need to reflect on where the problem started.

NikKai · 05/02/2025 19:59

Buzyizzy21 · 05/02/2025 19:28

Goodness me, so much hatred. Best you get yourself off to therapy.
oh and remember that your children will be able to make their own minds up later so you might come off worse.
When I was consoling this poor person today, I reminded her that in a few years they’ll be old enough to make their own decisions. I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of any parent who thinks they have the right to stop any grandchild relationship. Karma has a habit of biting back hard. 🤣🤣

Show quote history

You sound like my toxic family actually. Who have never, and will never, meet my son. You couldn't pay me to let them within 100ft of my most precious person i have made, grown and known.

When hes older he will indeed make his mind up. I wont need to tell him anything, he would spend one hour in their presence and run like the wind because i am protecting him, giving him self esteem and boundaries, including keeping him away from people like you and your friends and my family who would erode his self esteem and boundaries. Like they did to me.

In doing that, protecting him that way, he will already have instilled in him that he is worth better than this toxicity so that by the time he makes any of his own decisions, they won't be able to damage him, just like it sounds your friends children are doing. Thats their job

Blarn · 05/02/2025 20:00

My parents are on the whole, great. I did have tosay something when mum and her mum declared that dd1 should be off breastmilk at three months and could have nice bits of food, then proceeded to feed her chocolate buttons. But it was apparently OK as they were Milky Bar buttons and the milk is good for her. I would have also stepped in if she gave dc tea with whiskey in a bottle like her parents gave me. Times change and I imagine if my dc have chidren in a couple of decades time they might correct me about somethingsi do.