Be brutally honest: what is it like having a newborn and toddler

[Brooomhilda]

I'm due quite soon with my second (both girls) and am cautiously optimistic that it'll be okay after the shitshow that was my first PP period. But that's because I know more what to expect this time. But I know nothing about having a toddler and newborn. Mums with experience, could you please give me your brutally honest advice? I'd rather be prepared and I won't be scared by it, I promise.

There are definitely shit show moments but on the whole it is lovely. I learnt quickly how to be kind to myself and not beat myself up when things didn’t go quite to plan. We developed our own routine and now at 6 and 4 they are best friends I just love watching them hang out

Honestly it was exhausting but I wouldn't of changed it, we had a lot of easy dinners like beans on toast, jacket potatoes ect! I included the toddler in 'helping' to get a nappy ect and when baby slept made time for her, lots of walks in pram, toddler on reins. Honestly you will find your way through. There was quite a lot of toddler TV some days and I don't feel remotely bad about it!

I found it much better, both than being heavily pregnant with a toddler and than postpartum after my first (like you, it was awful!). It's tiring obviously, but I found that much easier as you now know from experience that it's all just a phase and even the bad phases end eventually. I knew that academically first time, but it didn't help in the moment when I was wondering what on earth I'd done to my life!

My main tip would just be make your life easy and be kind to yourself - it doesn't matter if the toddler has the same dinner three (four, five...) nights in a row or if they watch too much CBeebies for a bit.

Oh no, I will not be feeling guilty about using tv with the toddler when I'm on my own, the way I see it is she either watches tv for a little bit while I put her sister down for a nap or I have to deal with the stress of having her loose in the house potentially getting into trouble or danger so I'm okay with it!

Yes, we have already started referring to the baby as her new baby so that she feels like this is something she wants to be involved in and lots of playing with caring for dolls etc to help teach being gentle and helping out. Fingers crossed!

Yes, being kind to yourself, that's a good reminder. I think I definitely forgot to do that first time.

Hard, but fun.

I found it fine. Had its moments of absolute chaos and carnage but overall it was great. Baby spent most of his time in the sling/carrier early on and I just cracked on with my toddler. They're 1 and 3 now and their relationship is really starting to grow and it's lovely.

Oh yeah and as others have said just lower your standards. Sooo low. Be kind to yourself and just accept it's a very temporary stage and you'll soon get back into a bit more of a rhythm and normality

It was absolutely fine, in fact I had three under five at one stage. I found that I was so completely into the swing of being a parent, that the next child just fitted in. It was so much easier than after having my first child.

You will get a mix of responses here op, and that’s cuz everyone is different, for some the toddler has some childcare, for some parents are on hand, for some the toddler is still a poor sleeper, for some dh wfh. All these things have an impact. But for all of us just make small goals, basics of cleaning and cooking. And I found personally to keep ‘ahead’ online shop booked a week ahead etc helped for those days it’s all went belly up, that things were in hand afew days ahead

Toddler and newborn - absolutely fine. It was a gentle introduction to parenting two and baby doesn't most of the time in the sling just tagging along really.

Toddler and 6m old - ooh this is getting a bit more challenging,

Toddler and preschooler - one of the hardest things I've ever done. Makes baby and toddler combi look like a holiday.

From about 4&6 it's mostly great, though still trickier a lot of the time than the newborn and toddler combi. But I personally find newborns the easiest stage.

To be honest I've probably blanked a lot of it out as it can be hard and you're sleep deprived. That being said I do remember getting a buggy board and going out a lot. I don't know if you can control this but I think it's more useful to have a baby that will sleep in the buggy on the go than at home if you've got older ones.

The nicest thing I remember was how fond my older one was of their baby sibling.

Admit it was a while since I had a newborn and a toddler, but I did find I was more " relaxed" with 2nd baby. 2nd babys learn to adapt quite well when you have to break off feeds to attend to first born. 😅. I enjoyed sitting feeding baby with toddler on sofa either watching TV, reading to them or chatting. I do remember it being extremely chaotic with 1st born and not quite so intense with 2nd.
Of course there are days when it can be utterly chaotic, 😅but it certainly wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. Toddlers quite like to be " involved", and are sometimes quite happy to fetch stuff or talk to their wee brother or sister.

Nothing wrong with plonking toddler down with TV whilst you get a few minutes peace. Just relax and be kind to yourself.

It was fine. Had a good double buggy and got out every day. I never thought if it as a "thing" really.

Tough but it's soooo much easier being out of the house than in, especially when the younger one is under 1.

There will be bad days where you burst put crying in the middle if Tesco, and brilliant days, and mostly in between the two extremes.
And that won't change... mine are 11&13 now and we have bad days and brilliant days.

And its been worth every second. Wouldnt change any of it

It's pretty tough some days.
My toddler watched a lot of tv for 4 weeks after newborn was here. I relied on others to take him out and about a bit as I had a fair bit of recovering to do.
I had to ensure toddler got lots of time too and we read lots of books.
I got a side by side buggy that was suitable for a newborn so as soon as I was ready, we went out pretty much every day.
Everyone get dressed and ready first thing.
Big bibs for toddler at breakfast.
Get lunches and dinners prepped in the morning.
Pack lunches to go and cook dinner as quickly as possible later.
Get out of the house after breakfast.

I agree with getting out of the house everyday - only mornings worked for us as afternoon were often tricky.
We made sure that the older child had some uninterrupted time alone with me everyday which for us was the bedtime story and my DH had the just-fed baby. (He’d take him out for a walk sometimes)
Somewhat shamelessly, we also followed an idea from a mate. We gave the older child who was 2 and a half a present ‘from’ the baby that we knew he’d absolutely love. It wasn’t a super expensive thing a Thomas the Tank engine playset.
I remember being really worried before my second was born. How will I cope with only one pair of hands etc. It worked with good support from DH who is still marvellous btw.
Best of luck!

If you are breastfeeding... before a feed, make sure the toddler has everything they might need before you sit down... drink, snack, toy, book, the remote control etc.

Toddler and newborn is much easier than toddler and 6month old tbh.

Once baby is moving that's when it gets tricky! This coincided with my toddler dropping naps which was painful.

Get out and about every morning and that chills everyone out, uses energy and you don't need to feel bad about sticking toddler in front of the TV for 30mins in the afternoon then. Get a buggy board too if your toddler is still small enough to need one. Then they can face each other on walks- toddler was far better at keeping baby happy in the pushchair than I was.

There's 18m between my two. The only time there was a problem was the day I changed my 18m old's nappy, popped him on his feet and he toddled off as usual. Then I changed my newborn's nappy and they didn't toddle off - they ended up in a big heap on the floor.

Also, the day after the newborn arrived and 18m was introduced and wanted to share his board book with his new brother. He launched it straight at his face and I had to try and explain away a black eye to the midwife, less than 24hrs after his birth.

They're both mid 20s now!

It’s a shit show in different ways. PP is fine because you’ve done it before and you know what to expect, mostly all the baby care and feeding etc is fine because you know what you’re doing. The hard part is the impossible task of splitting yourself and at times not being able to meet the needs of both children adequately!

When my 5th was born my son was excatly 13 months born march 2015 April 2016 but I had 3 kids already 06 09 10 and the little 2 were both in washable nappies and wipes lol I duno how I did it

One thing I remember being very important was 1-1 time with the older one. Don't force her into a 'Mummy's helper' role. The dynamic of her world will change and don't expect her to be ecstatic about that all the time.
I remember my older child being very worried that I wouldn't be at her nativity 'because of the baby'. I reassured her that I couldn't wait to be there, and that we would be going for hot chocolate and cake after. And I kept those promises. We also had Mum - big girl time at least once a week out of the house.
It wasn't easy but we got there.

I found it very difficult. I have 18 months between mine. It was ok a newborn and a toddler, but once the baby was able to crawl, and was not where I left him, it became impossible.

we also moved at this point and life turned upside down. I was surviving in 5 minute segments! In retrospect I should have had both kids in nursery 1 day a week minimum, so that I could have a day to myself instead of constant fire fighting. Things started getting easier when the youngest turned 3, so I had 2 extremely difficult years as a SAHM with no respite.

the mantra’ everyone feed and no one dead’ was my standard!