Snack plates for dinner

[Goodnightelizabethgoodnight]

I'm sure it's just an older generation mindset of needing 3 hot square meals a day, but my gran was shocked ( 🙄 ) that my 3 year old had a snack plate for his dinner.

Plenty of nights we do have a hot meal together but I'd say at least once, sometimes twice a week, he happily sits and eats a little snack plate in front of the telly. He's been at nursery 9-3, outdoors for much of the time, he's tired, and he just wants to chill. I know the feeling myself! So after two helpings of curry with rice for his lunch at nursery I don't think it's a problem to have a snack plate for dinner.

He's having the same snack plate today as he did yesterday which has breadsticks, oatcakes, humous, salami, smoked cheese, raspberries, strawberries, chopped cucumber and peppers. He might have a small bowl of soup after too. Tbh I think he's living the best life with his little platter in front of the telly and I think it's great 😁

Breakfast was porridge, lunch was curry and rice, tomorrow for dinner we're having chicken risotto, and the next night we're having spaghetti bolognese.

Anyone else do the same with their kids?

What difference do you think 2 out of 21 meals a week is making to a child’s development?

Genuinely?

It sounds perfectly fine to me, @Goodnightelizabethgoodnight - and at 60, I think I can count myself in the older generation. A meal doesn’t have to be hot, and it sounds as if your little one is eating a good, well balanced variety of food on his snack plate.

And even if it wasn’t an entirely balanced meal, I don’t think that would matter, on an occasional basis - it’s not just about balance in one meal, it’s about balance across the week. Frankly, the same applies to eating in front of the TV too - as an occasional treat it’s fine. By occasional, I mean once or twice a week.

I don't know. I'm not a child psychologist. It's just something I have never done. It seems awful to miss out on mealtimes with my kids. I can't remember a single time my children watched TV and ate their supper and they are now older teens. Some meals are highly annoying especially if someone is in a mood but we have always made that effort and made sure it's a habit.

My six year old still has a snack plate for dinner about once a week and eats in front of the tv often. No issues with any development from this, there is plenty of other time to converse.

Can you comprehend not everyone has the same routine and values as you?

Yes of course. I am only speaking for myself as only we can, and looking at my grown children. As I've said, horses for courses. I don't have any particular interest in persuading people to change their ways. I dont know who anyone is and whether they are telling the truth. I'm just saying what I think like everyone else is.

You're so absolutist @Hoppingabout

It's funny that I've been accused of bragging on this thread when you're on here making out you're superior because you would "never do that" to your children and how it's so terribly "awful".

I think you're on the wind up. Most sensible people know that having food in front of a tv programme or film sometimes is a normal thing to do as a family. Fine if you don't ever in your entire life partake in sharing food and tv with your loved ones, but it's normal and does not have a negative effect on children. One of my favourite memories was the once a month pizza night my family would share in front of a video from Blockbusters.

You don't need to be a child psychologist, as you've so ridiculously put forward, to know that it's a nice experience for families to have balanced with all the other ways to share food together: at the table, at the cinema, outdoors on a picnic, at a BBQ. Food doesn't have to be eaten at the table every day of your life.

My son has no issues whatsoever sitting at a table, eating out in cafes and restaurants, using cutlery, engaging politely with others at the table. He's a lovely and polite child who has a far more balanced idea of mealtimes than you do and he's only three.

Yes I'm sure you're absolutely right.

Although if you could have supper with your son every day would you want to out of interest?

@Hoppingabout

There are lots of things I could do with my son every day. I don't. Every day is different and we have different experiences.

Tonight we're having spaghetti bolognese at the table together. This weekend his gran is visiting and we're having dinner as a teddy bears picnic in the living room with her as he's been asking to do that for ages. Sometimes we drive the camper van into the hills on a whim and make bacon sandwiches, sausages and beans on the stove for our dinner and toast marshmallows. Shock horror, we also curl up in there and watch a movie sometimes before coming home.

I like my son to have many and varied experiences. We don't have to religiously sit at a table at 5 o'clock every evening to eat a hot meal.

I feel sorry for children who are missing out on the kinds of experiences my child is having.

Enjoy your meal at the table. Ours is about to be plated up.

I'm sure you are doing perfectly fine for you and your own beliefs and lifestyle. As I said, everyone is different and it's what people decide for their own families that counts. I am simply saying we have never had a meal with a screen, I feel that is a good thing and I didn't and wouldnt do that to my own kids. That's simply a statement of fact. You do you. You seem very pleased with how things are so don't let anyone on mumsnet tell you otherwise.

I imagine it is language like 'wouldnt do that to my own kids' that is making your come across extremely smug and superior,despite adding you do you. Not eating at the table every night is the norm for loads of people for various reasons, it is not a punishment on the children. Plenty of adults are still working at children's dinner times

I can't see how else I would word my posts. People should be able to do without the usual caveats (although I did try!) that you need a table, that it's just circumstances, that it's just my own view etc etc. Obviously it depends on all those things.

But to me (myself! Just speaking for me!) it is so clearly a good thing why would anyone do otherwise if they had the means and opportunity. I don't know why anyone would argue against it.

I'm cool with people thinking I'm smug and superior of course. It's mumsnet and nuance is tricky. Plus the no screen/restaurant thing was hard!! So I do actually feel smug about that.

Because it's about balance. Why does it have to be such an extreme? A child can still have good table manners, learn how to hold a conversation at the table etc but very occasionally eat with the TV on or even at a restaurant with an ipad.

But what is it that's so wonderful you feel you've achieved in order to feel smug? My DD is very bright, can sit at the table and hold conversation, great vocab etc etc. Sometimes she eats dinner with the tv and if she's tired and grumpy in a restaurant we give her a phone to watch. Your smugness is misplaced

Yes I'm sure.

I don't know why you are telling me though? I don't agree with that and have never done that for my own kids. Particularly an iPad in a restaurant. Serious bad manners in my opinion.

But that's my own view. I don't seek to persuade you otherwise.

You seem to think that if it doesn't happen 100% of the time then a child won't have good table manners, won't be able to have a conversation at the table etc and it's simply untrue.

Children are adaptable, it doesn't have to be so rigid.

Yes. I'm sure. But it's not the way I have raised my children.

It's not a rigid thing. It's a lovely thing, surely? In an ideal world (which obviously it isn't and everyone's lives are different etc etc)

No one is trying to persuade you, just wondering what you think you've achieved, as whatever it is there is absolutely no way of proving your children have turned out better than a child who occasionally eats in front of the tv

No problem at all, so long as you NEVER, EVER describe it as a 'picky bits' tea...

😱

<<Shudder>>

I have no idea and don't care really. I'm not worrying about "better" than anyone else. I'm just saying it's the way I've raised my.children and I have felt it is really important thing to do at least once a day as a family if possible. It's a lovely thing to aim for. I hate screens. Is anyone really arguing for them? It seems so. Weird. (In my own opinion of course only)

You've made that very clear.

It isn't ideal in my world, no. It is too rigid for me and sometimes, it is just as lovely to eat in front of the TV together and doesn't take anything away from the child's manners because it isn't an all the time thing.

We eat together in front of gladiators on Saturday nights and I find that lovely. Great fun. Most people know how to implement screens in a reasonable manner, pretending they don't exist won't do your children any favours in the future

I'm.just speaking from the experience of having older teens. I find screens in restaurants incredibly sad. But that's just my opinion. Yes I have felt smug when my.boys are chatting with family and grownups at a table when young and all the other kids are on screens being antisocial. But that's just with regard to.my own standards. Everyone is different obviously and I.can only judge success based on my own views. Not people on mumsnet.

If you're talking about my kids you don't need to worry! One is an adult and one is an older teen. They love their phones! But they know the rules at the table. I rather like talking to them.

Yes but what we are saying is children who occasionally use screens at a table are often also very capable of having conversations with adults at the table 🙄 it's about what is right at that given moment. Would you prefer it if those children were screaming and crying in the restaurant instead?