sympathize with you,crazedupmom.
only child here too,aged nearly 6,no cousins.
i do playdates and only one has returned them,but i keep doing it,because it gives my DD company and i take it that if parents respond to our invites,than they haven't got anything againest us personally,like others have said,just too much other stuff going on with their other children,to make time for it.
no one on our street either,on older(year 4 and year 6),children next door.didn't encourage them playing much before now,but now realise DD does play well with them now and so long as i know where she is(only next door) and i can see their garden,i have let go of my concerns that they could lead her into situations 'too old' for her.
it is extremely tiring to have to entertain an only all the time,but i have also let her be alone on purpose on and off,so she sometimes goes off to play alone.i have not arranged constant company,because they do come to rely on it,and i believe that onlies can be happy if they are encouraged to be self reliant(imaginative and creative) and be perfectly happy as adults who can take or leave company(as i am one of them!)best of both worlds really.us onlies only know what we experience,so just take it for granted that we spend a lot of our childhoods with parents and because of it you can have wonderful memories and a special bond with your only.i am still very close to my parents.
i went through a patch of feeling guilty,but it eats away at you and so there comes a point where you just have to try and focus on enriching the life of your only as much as possible.
after 3 years of being indecisive about another child,we are TTC#2,but i still have worries and doubts...i'm just a worrier and if i do get pg,i'm sure the guilt will turn to DD not getting my full attention e.t.c....can't win.
i agee happy mum=happy child,so try to be kind to yourself.
to be honest,religion has helped me,in a nutshell,to realize i am loved/forgiven no matter what i do and that there is a grand plan for us all,that we can't necessarily control and that all our difficulties are there as tests,to make us learn and become stronger...i believe there is a reason why some have one child and others more..bottom line...if we let go and trust,asking God for direction,we recieve it and with that i've felt a whole new peace.Sorry it's so heavy(should be in religion topic).It's not for everyone.School has a family service,once a month and it is a very warm and friendly atmosphere,so not only has DD,recieved these messages,i've made more friends too.Nobody is pushy or even tries to talk you into/involve you in anything else.
it does help a lot with parent guilt and makes you realize,that the only thing your child really needs from you is unconditional love and guidance/encouragement to be themselves.
i felt i did not give DD enough company,but now the school says she mixes really well.iv'e focused on sharing,considering others,kindness,listening to others ideas,by playing with her,so in some respects,i've set her up with socialising skills,by spending time with her myself,and by her following my example(not always good...i am an average mummy monster at times).
playing with a mix of ages and every time you go somewhere,just trying to set them up with another child can help their confidence.
if they don't like groups(i didn't...but can now do it better as an adult),focus on one-ones,i focus on friends DD says she likes and have them as playdates to hopefully strengthen their bond at school.
hope i haven't sounded like a parenting book,i just wanted you all to know how i've gotton over my only-child parenting dilemas.
would love to hear more stories and ideas for raising onlies.
hope you feel better soon,crazedupmom,if you are being the best that you can be,with the information and resources that you have,then you can't do anymore...you are more than a good-enough mum and i salute you and other parents of onlies,because it is very tough and has it's own set of challenges,the same as larger families have.
i know my DD would love a baby sib and has a baby Annabel that strangely she has taken to in a big way lately(don't under-estimate the telepathic powers of children...DD has said/done some things lately that have reflected my very thoughts at the time,so i am very careful of negative thinking now!),so i know how tough it is,when battered with guilt-inducing comments/behaviour.but TTC #2,is happening,because we want to care for and love another.after my many months of reading threads about how good sibling relationships are not guaranteed and my own 'only' experience,i realize providing a sibling is not a good enough reason alone for having another and i am resigning myself to learning to feel content with one,if i don't get pg...we can be just as happy as a three...just have to work on convincing DD of all the benefits.
best wishes to everyone
happyathome