Parenting an only does anybody else think its tough

[crazedupmom]

Hi
I have found parenting with my ds who is now 7 quite tough at times.
The worse thing has been that there has never really been any children of his age to play with.
There is no children out playing where we live and no cousins of his age in the family.
I have found it hard going with him as he has always relied on me to entertain him.
I am a very shy person so I have never made any good mum friends whose children he can play with.
I have had terrible overwhelming feelings of guilt for my inability to make friends for my ds's sake and for not giving him a sibling to play with.
I have lied awake at night worrying about this.
School holidays make me feel awful I have arranged playdates during holidays, and after school, but do feel like its quite fruitless sometimes as my ds hardly ever gets asked anywhere.
I know more children can be hard work but is there anybody else with an only who feels that it can be tough in this respect.

bree,that's a good way of explaining.if i don't get pg,i will use that one too-thanks!
up to now i have said that we can ask God/Jesus,but He will only send us one if he thinks it is best for us,if he doesn't he must think we will be happier as a three.nothing we can do,as it's up to God in the end.DD does accept this....
but still says she wishes her baby Annabel was a real baby and once,while we sat in a restraunt,cooed over a baby in a highchair
then
asked God to put a baby in mummy OR daddy's tummy

The guilt is the big thing - well, for some, DH says he thinks once in a while about DD being an only child, I think about it every single day.

I am TRYING to be more positive, realise it's just a different kind of challenge. We've got to give DH a lift to work in a moment, then when we get back I want to tidy up the kitchen. I was thinking 'hm, this is where if DD had a sibling they could play nicely while I do that, whereas cos it's just her she'll want to watch telly ...' THEN I got an MSN from a friend saying her kids were fighting, and THEN read KerryMum's comment above and though 'nah, if she had a sibling they'd just try to kill each other and I'd have to sort it out at the same time as tidying the kitchen'.

School will be the next big thing - September. I just wish she was going to the same school as her best friend at nursery who's also an only, and whose mum I get on well with, but no, that would be far too simple!

Don'tcallmebaby - yes my only dd will be going to a diferent school to her nursery and toddler buddies. All that hard work maintaining playdates and we'll be starting it all over again wih strangers. I've had to accept that as the siblings arrive I will be putting more effort into maintaining playdates than the others - I need them more and it's easier for me to get out with one dd (as I am constantly reminded - as though I wouldn't be so glad to have the added stress of another child....).

I did go through a phase of agonising over it but I do think that there comes a point where you have to accept situation that can't be changed. I really try not to dwell on the negatives any more - like they say - worry is like a rocking horse - it keeps you busy but it doesn't get you anywhere.

If I were you op - I might look into an after school club or activity for your dc. But you do sound very down yourself and perhaps that is not all about this issue.

thankyou A and D...big food for thought there.It's true,everything is simplified too much i suppose,in our minds...like we think a sibling would solve things,when in reality a sibling would create a whole new world of complexities.It's just dawned on me that the playdate thing may well have to continue with big age gaps anyway...suppose a baby would only entertain a 6 yr old for so long and DD still needs friends who are closer in age (more on her level).
Love the 'rocking horse' quote...shall be my mantra too.
That's how i keep myself content in having one...by seeing loads of horror stories about babyhood/toddlerdom/sibling trouble e.t.c. on MN and thinking 'at least i don't have to put up with that'.It's just about trying not to think of the grass as being always 'Walton' green,on the other side of the family size spectrum.
My DD went to primary with a couple of girls and about 3 boys from nursery...she never played with them anyway(she was more of a 'parallel player' right up until a few weeks before the move),they didn't play with her at primary either,although she is a bit closer now to one girl .They just go off and find their own friends anyway,even if you try setting them up.Anyway,we've kept in touch with 2 nursery girls that went to another school,and do occasional holiday playdates with them,so it's nice to have nursery,and primary worlds to turn to...there's always someone to ask around!
So don't worry if they go to primary alone,they form friendship bonds whatever and the teachers especially work on their social skills in reception.