How do you manage your feelings about your children getting older?

[autumngirl714]

So I'll start by saying, my children are still young 🙈 My eldest is 8 and youngets is 4.
My eldest has changed so much since going into yr 3. Prior to yr3 he was absolutely obsessed and found SO much joy from his toys. He loved going to the toy shop and was just such a little boy! Since going into yr3 his world is changing. He's not interested in any of his Xmas toys, he's into his reading, not into the park or soft play or all the things that used to be a massive part of his personality!
And then we have my youngest. How is he turning 5 soon 😔 I can't believe those toddler and preschool years are gone for good.
I know all of this is so natural, and it comes with the package of being a parent, I just never realised that I would find these transitions so hard. Like with my eldest, he doesn't always want to hold hands. He had a hearing test recently and didn't want me in the booth.
It's just so hard isn't it?!
How do you manage the tough feelings of them growing up??

I didn’t find it hard until they became adults, and left home. I thought they’d contact me more, like I did with my parents. I only get a text off my oldest on my birthday, Mother’s Day and Xmas.

It just gets worse!

I was talking to my 17 yo about going to Uni and actually cried because it suddenly hit me that she'll be leaving home soon. I've always encouraged her to do well at school and go to Uni so she knows it's not because I don't want her to go but honestly the thought of not seeing her every day 😭

It's weird. My eldest is now a good 3 inches taller than me, I have to go under his arms when we hug - I still see my little boy!

Luckily these things come in stages over the years, so I've got a few more years until he's driving and moving out to get used to the idea of that happening - but it's tough - time flies, they change so much and yet they're still your babies.

You want them to grow up and do their thing in life, but you also want to hold them close and keep them safe.

You don't really want to have whatever ridiculous conversation they want to have (this morning, it was his tactics if he was ever in a battle with a deer, giraffe or bull, for 30 minutes) but then I also know I'll miss it when they grow up and it's all sensible conversation.

The continuous carousel of pictures on the TV to remind me of when they are little makes me smile when one pops up I haven't seen in a while.

It is tough but all along I've tried to see only the positives - the new things that enrich our relationship further. Like having a really good conversation, discussing the news, politics, watching adult crime shows together, cooking etc. I do try not to dwell on the endearing things that are gone. They're 17 and 14 now so the oldest will be off to uni soon. I am dreading when the youngest goes to uni though (but proud thinking about it too).

It is sad isn't it? But makes me realise I need to enjoy them at the age they are today, because they will never be that age again.

I don’t relate to this at all - I love seeing them grow and develop into their own people. So far every age they have turned has been my favourite age they have been :)

It's breaking my heart. My eldest is doing GCSE's and thinking about university, and yesterday my youngest asked me about university because there'd been a careers fair at school and she had QUESTIONS. It's going to be over in the blink of an eye and I'm so sad. I'm starting a whole new career, and when they both go off to uni I will be able to travel for this career, which will help for my progression, but that's scant comfort.

@DustyLee123 I'm really sorry your eldest has so little contact - that must be very hard.

How can it be sad? Imagine the opposite...... imagine that your child has learning or developmental difficulties, and their mental age remains 5 years old..... for life. Picture a physically healthy adult at 30 years old, who still lives with you and cannot be left unsupervised, because they are "mentally" 5. And your biggest fear is about what will happen to them when you die.
I have friends in this situation, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Some people really don't know how lucky they are, seemingly.

It’s really sad. I’ve noticed a big pull away from my eldest who has just started high school. It’s normal and it has to happen , I am trying to enjoy them as much as I can now and to establish a different relationship of doing fun activities together so that even as they get older and pull away they always have a draw back to us and family. I read recently that Roots and wings are the two things we give our children and this has resonated a lot with me.

@Cynic17 absolutely true. I have a 55 year old system who mentally is around 18 months, that's tough, Watching my child grow and develop is a privilege.

sister not system!!

The changes are gradual so you come to love each new aspect.

My 'baby' boy is now a 6' teen. He has a fuzzy top lip, his voice has broken and he eats more than I do.

But he still has lashes I'd die for. He still sleeps so soundly I can kiss the top of his head and he doesn't notice. He still hugs me, I just have to look up now. 😊

He carries our shopping without being asked. He has grown into a genuinely kind person. He has a wicked sense of humour. He is great company. And he loathes Donald Trump, the butt of his endless lavatorial jokes.

How could I not love him?

I've loved watching mine grow up. One minute you can't imagine them ever leaving home and the next they are inviting you over to their house for supper. It's brilliant.

I found by the time I got to each stage it felt like the right time.

I completely agree. I honestly am baffled when people wish their kids wouldn't grow up.

Mine are similar ages and I’m definitely trying to make the most of things that I know aren’t going to be forever but I’m also enjoying the conversations we now have, the places we can go and to be honest having a bit more time for me back

True, I have 10 year old twins, and DTD2 is autistic, non-verbal with severe learning difficulties, still in nappies. I worry about her future, especially when we are no longer around 🥺

Enjoy them growing up OP.

Then sit back and be proud of the good job you've done.

Our eldest started Uni this year and left home. We're proud of him, especially because he had some serious struggles with uni this year.

We miss him, of course, but it's good to see them growing up and becoming independent young adults.

My two DCs are in their forties now, and I am so immensely proud of them both. I also have two DGCs.
I marvel at what they’ve done and achieved, I sometimes wonder how they’ve done it but it’s largely through all the hard work and grasping of opportunities as they arose.
I am really so fortunate.

I can’t relate at all. I’ve loved watching them at each stage as they grow. Loved seeing their changing interests and getting to know their mates. They’re all adults now and we all still hang out and enjoy each others company. I’m still as fascinated by them now as I did when they were little. Probably more so!

My eldest boy is coming up to 11 and I’m finding it really, really hard. When I think about him getting older over the next few years and not needing me like he does now, well it physically hurts. I can’t bear thinking about it 😢

I think it's been great except having a 30 and 26 year old makes me feel old.

They were ready for the juniors, high school, uni, work. The eldest is married, the youngest engaged. They are in touch all the time. One is local, one is 240 miles away.

It's fab to seem them growing I to independence. It's awesome to have dd tell me about Ofsted and her four interviews last week with the inspectors. It's as big a wow as her first steps.

I can't relate either. I love seeing them grow and enter stages where there are more things we can do and enjoy together. Admittedly we haven't hit the teen years yet, and I already see flashes of changes there (moodiness and stroppiness mostly) and I suppose I'm about 2% sad that I won't hold and feed another baby of my own, but that's against 200% happy to be out of broken nights and nappies and able to talk to them about the world and do more grown-up stuff together.

Absolutely this.
Be thankful that children are independent and able to fly nest- It’s definitely hard , but that Is what a parent does .
Baby addicts who love the baby stage are the ones who keep having children I think!

in the next few years, you will discover that there are a myriad of milestones that no one really talks about because they are subtle and don’t happen on any particular schedule. The day your child tidies up a mess they didn’t make. The day they make lunch. The first time you leave them at home alone for 1 hour. The first time you leave them alone and all it requires is a quick shout that you are walking out the door. Seeing them develop mature friendships based on more than just proximity. It just goes on and on.

there is excitement in watching grow. There is excitement into watching them mature into the people they are going to become. At some point, I stopped missing the baby so much and just really started to enjoy the fully actualized teenager.

I cannot relate at all. When people say they can't bear thinking about their children growing up...... surely you can't bear thinking about your children NOT growing up. We all age and it's a privilege. The only other option is dying .... and that doesn't seem like a good other option!

Love watching my kids becoming teenagers and I'm so lucky they are.