How do you manage your feelings about your children getting older?

[autumngirl714]

So I'll start by saying, my children are still young 🙈 My eldest is 8 and youngets is 4.
My eldest has changed so much since going into yr 3. Prior to yr3 he was absolutely obsessed and found SO much joy from his toys. He loved going to the toy shop and was just such a little boy! Since going into yr3 his world is changing. He's not interested in any of his Xmas toys, he's into his reading, not into the park or soft play or all the things that used to be a massive part of his personality!
And then we have my youngest. How is he turning 5 soon 😔 I can't believe those toddler and preschool years are gone for good.
I know all of this is so natural, and it comes with the package of being a parent, I just never realised that I would find these transitions so hard. Like with my eldest, he doesn't always want to hold hands. He had a hearing test recently and didn't want me in the booth.
It's just so hard isn't it?!
How do you manage the tough feelings of them growing up??

I think this a little unfair. It’s possible to feel multiple emotions around your children’s growing up. Pride, and gladness that they’re independent and doing well, but still missing the physical presence of them.

I have a DC that may never live independently. I still am a little sad at the thought of the others moving out - even though I don’t want them to stay. I want the world for them. Does that make sense?

You are not alone or unusual OP, don’t worry. This is a line from one of JK Rowling’s books:
How awful it was, thought Tessa, remembering Fats the toddler, the way tiny ghosts of your living children haunted your heart; they could never know, and would hate it if they did, how their growing was a constant bereavement.

I feel exactly the same.

Mine are late twenties and early thirties now, and they are my new favourite ages

I'm sorry to hear about your friends child's condition.

I do think that comment is about unfair though on this thread. You have no idea what's gone or going on in my life to say that last comment.

You don't need to feel bad about feeling sad about something just because someone else may have it worse than you.

I've never really understood this position. I've loved watching DD grow up into the amazing woman she's becoming. Watching her find who she is, discover new interests, new passions, its brilliant.

Its not like the child she was has disappeared, they're just a part of who she's become.

Absolutely this!

One of my DC is unlikely to be able to live independently and I would want nothing more than for them to live their best life and be able to do all the things MOST people can do. This is extremely unlikely to happen and the stress and worry this causes me is lifelong and chronic.

No one would want this hanging over them day in day out.

I found none of it hard. I too loved seeing them become more and more independent and then spread their wings and go off to live their lives. We bring them up to set them free. Well I did anyway.

Love this!

This suggests that being a toddler or primary school child is somehow better than being a teen or adult. I don't think it is.

Yes, they're cute when they're little but they're interesting when they're older. I have 18, 20 and 22 year old DC and although I marvel at how quickly they've grown up, there's lots to enjoy about our relationships now and the adults they've become.

They're also able to look after the dog while DH and I disappear on adventures together and rediscover our relationship which is a novelty after being entirely focused on the DC for 20 years. There are things to enjoy at all stages of parenting.