Thank you cards to relatives- should I force my 11, 13 and 15 year olds?

[jugglingeverything77]

I grew up always writing thank you cards to relatives for xmas and birthday pressies. I've made my kids do the same. But now with all kids having phones and being in contact with their grandparents, uncle etc via text I'm wondering if I should still make them- bearing in mind they thanked them to their face AND texted. I feel like times have moved on, but my mum and her partner still expect it from them and last year she kept reminding me they still hadn't got them (after xmas)!

My boys HATE doing it, always have unfortunately and I'm pretty sure the 15 year old will point blank refuse (despite being very grateful for the gifts and thanking them at the time). Making my 11 year old do it would be fair as his brothers had to at his age, Not sure what to do!

It'd be easier if they didn't mind but it's like pulling teeth!!

edit- when I say force them -obvs I mean persuade- I wouldn't make them do it by actual force!

II used to hate doing this as a child, but now love to write cards and letters.
I think you say to them how much mum and partner value a card.
Get the cards, pens etc and do something nice afterwards.
If they point blank refuse tell your mother to raise any issue with the kids.

Well just do it for your mum and her partner rather than everyone. A family one at Christmas and an individual one for birthdays.

I have never sent a thank you note and nor has DD, they just weren't a thing in my family you just rang and thanked the person over the phone.

As long as some thanks get expressed, that’s enough. Letters are for when they haven’t seen the person/phoned/texted. I’m a stickler for these things and even I wouldn’t insist on a letter in your circumstances.

I do think it's nice to extend thanks if they haven't seen the person who's gifted.

If it's important to your mum, why not just do a letter for m all 3 to her? Explain Gran really appreciates it & get smallest to do the bulk 🤣

We did a thank you videos this year, kids sating thanks for the present/ money and what they hoped to do with it.
It seemed to go down well & they enjoyed doing it.

Appreciate the older ones may still not be receptive.

I make them send a text

if it was someone that didn’t do text/whatsapp then I would get them to write

Both dc grew up always sending thank you cards. Now they are older they email or text. I still write thank you cards though.

Thanks have been expressed by in person and in writing (by text). That should be enough and I think your mum is bonkers to be expecting to be thanked for a 3rd time by snail mail. If you want to appease her for an easy life though you could get all 3 to do a joint card maybe?

I think that a properly written text message or an email is fine for this generation but if they are sending to a generation who likes an old fashioned card or letter then frankly they should be prepared to suck it up if they wish to accept the gift?
You are presumably providing them with the materials and a stamp so they are not hugely inconvenienced by the whole experience.

As a parent sometimes you have to get tough and spell it out. I'm not up for lots of whinging and turning it all into teeth pulling.
"Here's a card and a stamp, say thank you for X, say what you are going to do with it and I hope to see you you soon. If I have to ask you to do this yet again I am simply going to message your GP's and ask them to stop sending you gifts "

I encourage mine to send cards to the older relatives (there's only 1 or 2) but texts to the younger ones. If we have seen the relative and they have personally given the gift then just a verbal thank you at the time.

Tell your mother your kids have already thanked her twice? Pestering people for a piece of arbitrary paper is weird.

Treadsoftlyonmydreams I didn't mention she lives 20 mins away and they see her regularly...they've already seen her a couple of times since Xmas- so it's not like they don't see her to say thanks so I get that if she lived further away and she didn't see them at Xmas- we were all together at Xmas and shes always there to give them birthday gifts face to face which they thank her for.

I hate this. As long as someone says thank you I’m happy enough. I don’t need a letter or card as that’s not why I gave a gift.

If someone gives my DD a present in person and she opens it then and there and thanks them for it I definitely wouldn't get her to write a thank you letter.

She does write them for Christmas presents she receives where the giver isn't there to see her open it. If she becomes resistant to writing these little thank you notes I will say she can choose to phone them instead.

I've pretty much stopped giving presents to certain people as I was putting thought and money into sending parcels not to even hear it had been received and never any thanks, not even a message.

Dror I agree, that's why I'm struggling to insist they do it as I kind of feel a thanks face to face and via text is enough. Times have changed too. For better or worse, kids/people just don't write letters much anymore and even cards via post have dwindled. But my mum is 76, she's another generation, I guess they just haven't moved forward like the rest of us...

....and I don't want to give her another reason to bang on about how the youth of today being 'insert word' (ungrateful, disrespectful,....blah blah)

My Grandmother was a bit like that. You could spend her whole birthday with her, take her out, buy a present, get a nice cake but woe betide anyone who didn't get her a card. When she died we did find them all in a box so she did keep them but she was born in the 1920s when I dare say writing letters was a bigger deal.

My 6 yo does cards but he's young enough to still enjoy it. He is put out that he hasn't received many back though🤣I think if they've thanked people in person and/or via text, they don't need to also do a card. It's a compromise between them.

Face to face and via text is already twice - why on earth does she need a letter?

You give gifts to give - not to extract various thanks from people.

INeedNewShoes yes my kids opened the presents right in front of them and got hugs and thanks! I just feel like a card is overkill but for some reason my mum still thinks they should do thank you cards too! I think also because her partner isn't their biological grandfather, maybe it's her wanting them to appear 'well brought up' by writing them- like she's trying to prove something.. 🙄

Two choices. You write the cards (don't need to be long) or you tell the relatives/friends that they must not send any gifts the following year.
It will take 10 minutes max!

I think every child hates writing thank you cards! I don't mind not receiving one but what I do mind is not a word of thank you from either parents if it's young children or teenagers when they've got my mobile number. I sent 4 teens (from 2 families) Xmas presents and not one of them has acknowledged it. Next year I don't think I'll bother.

Make a moonpig thanks card from 15yo and type the contents yourself. Seems really ridiculous your parents requiring a card as well as verbal/text thanks. They must have nothing to do. With that level of thanks needed , I’d assume they’d bought him a bloody car.

Rachmorr57 the parent-child-grandchild relationship is complex. I wouldn't say it's an unhealthy thought process- its completely normal for us parents to worry and think about what the grandmother thinks about how we bring our kids up. I'm always striving to do the right thing. I'm not perfect and I'm sensitive to others feelings and thoughts. I wouldn't say that's a bad thing. And maybe why I'm a kind person- I think about these things. Maybe too much but that's how I am.