Thank you cards to relatives- should I force my 11, 13 and 15 year olds?

[jugglingeverything77]

I grew up always writing thank you cards to relatives for xmas and birthday pressies. I've made my kids do the same. But now with all kids having phones and being in contact with their grandparents, uncle etc via text I'm wondering if I should still make them- bearing in mind they thanked them to their face AND texted. I feel like times have moved on, but my mum and her partner still expect it from them and last year she kept reminding me they still hadn't got them (after xmas)!

My boys HATE doing it, always have unfortunately and I'm pretty sure the 15 year old will point blank refuse (despite being very grateful for the gifts and thanking them at the time). Making my 11 year old do it would be fair as his brothers had to at his age, Not sure what to do!

It'd be easier if they didn't mind but it's like pulling teeth!!

edit- when I say force them -obvs I mean persuade- I wouldn't make them do it by actual force!

Notgivenuphope they didn't send the gifts- they were right there, and got hugs and thanks from the kids on the day! And texts.

None of us have ever written thank you cards. We either thank people in person or send a text/email.

My kids don't even send birthday cards any more. They consider them to be a waste of money/paper/bad for the environment. Instead they send a fancy email version.

Your Mum sounds very old fashioned. I know lots of people in her age range that don't think like that.
I used to get my kids to do cards when they were little but stopped as they got older. They are very polite kids and have great manners. Cards are out of date and wasteful.
If people give gifts and expect a card in return then that's up to them but maybe they should let the recipients know.

In this scenario I think it's unusual to expect a thank you card!

For anyone she sees regularly, I get her to personally say thanks. For older/distant people, I always get her to draw a pic & write some thank you words to send in the post. I did it as a child too! She does moan but I say “we have to show grandad Ronnie we appreciate his dungarees that don’t fit and smell of smoke lovely gift” and explain how much the recipient will appreciate this small gesture!

SuperMaybe my brother is 50 and still writes thank you cards (and probably expects them! Maybe just a different type of person. (shrug emoji - can't find it!)

StarDolphins I did this with mine when they were kids- they wrote and gave the cards for years but now they're 11 and teenagers, it's very different!

I’m child free but send Xmas & birthday presents to family kids. I’m perfectly happy with a thank you text, I just want to know it arrived safely & that they like it.

Does she send all your kids and you cards of thanks?

Cards from the smaller children are lovely receive and does feel like a thank you from them not the parent. However I think once they are a little older verbal thanks, a video or something is good. It's always nice to know if a gift is actually enjoyed too.

Thanking someone for a gift, is the main priority, rather than how it's delivered. If someone gives a present in person, than a thank you at the time, is, in my opinion sufficient. If it's been sent through the post, then a phone call or thank you notes is best. My son sends a thank you notes to those who send presents through the post and thanks people in person.

Same - sent my nephews (aged 9 and 11) money at Christmas, also to my brother's girlfriend's son (aged 13). Only £25 each, but not a word of thanks from any of them, not even a text. I don't expect a call or card but just silence is bloody rude. Maybe it's not the done thing now (I don't have kids but it still seems rude). Shall I bother next Christmas? Probably, as I don't do it to get thanks, but it irks me that they probably have so much that it doesn't occur to them to express any gratitude.

@SharpWriter interestingly these families both used to send thank you cards when the kids were little. They're all 13+ now. Until a couple of years ago I'd get a text message from the older kids (his mum even once messaged me to check he'd actually done it!) but now I've not had anything. I saw them in person before Xmas so handed gifts over then but in the past I've sent things in the post so it would nice to know they've actually got there (sometimes I know they have because the online order tells you!). It's just rude and I wouldn't mind so much but one of their mother's used to be the fist to complain when other people didn't do things like send thank yous!

I'm a move-with-the-times person. If someone thanks me AT THE TIME I GAVE THEM THEIR PRESENT then - job done! If they then send a follow-up text/email - overkill.

All the people I gave Christmas presents to but via post or before Christmas, so didn't see them open them - they thank me by text or email (as I do them).

IMHO the thank-you letter is an anachronism, and should be relegated to the past, along with calling cards and wish-you-were-here postcards.

I say this as someone who always made my children (youngest now in her 30s) write thank-you letters, for as long as I could enforce it.

BTW do the adults insisting on thank-you letters write thank-you letters to your children?
Edited to correct the age of youngest.

No - they have already thanked them twice!

Yes force them. No thank you cards = no presents.
It should be as obligatory as brushing your teeth
Although I do give my kids the option of a thank you text message or phone call in lieu of a handwritten card.

I expect that they were very pleased with it, but snowed under with life. Unless there are other problems, I’d continue to send.

How about buying cards with "thank you" already written inside, then they've just got to sign their names? Everybody's happy - except for your purse I suppose, because they're a bit expensive. Worth it for the peace though!

I think it is time for you to point out that they have already thanked her twice and a card should not be necessary.

When she brings it up that they haven't sent cards I would tell her clearly she has already been thanked and a card is for someone who has not seen the person. Times have moved on.

Why does the grandparent need thanked three times by all the kids?

I think your mum is being ridiculous. She has already been thanked twice. Does she also expect adults to send her thank you cards, even after they've thanked her in person and by text message?

My DC is now 19, but he still writes thank you notes to 3 elderly relatives, as he knows how much they enjoy receiving them in the post. He doesn't do this for younger relatives as they're not bothered or are happy with a text.

I grew up writing loads of thank you letters too...but I really think it's no longer required now for any under at least 60.

They've already thanked her in person and sent her a text message to say thank you. So they have met their obligations by your standards if you would give your kids the option of a thank you text message.

Don't force them, but do offer them an explanation in subsequent years to why relatives have stopped giving them gifts.

Ah, I see they've done thanks, but perhaps not in the form expected by the giver. Still don't force them - it's their choice. But do explain that the giver is entitled to make what they will of not getting thankyou cards, however unreasonable that might be.