So if a child breaks a sibling's expensive toy, not intentionally but recklessly, what consequences should there be?

[emkana]

dd2 let dd1's rollergirl Kennedy doll fall down the stairs today, not intending to, but in spite of being warned repeatedly to be careful or an accident would happen. Doll's leg broke, but could just about be stuck back together with gaffer tape. I got very angry (see other thread about shouting ), but in the end we got over it and dd2 was told that a/ she must be more careful (she constantly breaks stuff) b/ she is not allowed to play with taht particular doll anymore and c/ she will not get the two pairs of leggings she wanted but didn't really need (she only wanted them because dd1 got some this weekend, dd2 has plenty already)

It's quite difficult in our case because they share a room, are close in age and like the same stuff, so they pretty much share all their toys, even though they know what belongs to whom IYSWIM.

The thing is what would dd2 learn from the incident if I just said "things like this happen"

Emkana - isn't your being cross enough? Isn't her sister's sadness enough? Does only the deprivation of material things count?

I am quite 'bovine' in that I am not easily annoyed about things, but when I am the DC's really do get terribly upset. I really don;t think to punish them further would add anything IYKWIM.

I reiterate - she didn;t do it deliberately - the toy should not have broken through normal play!

Soapbox, I don't expect you to keep posting on this, you've made yourself perfectly clear and as I said previously I totally respect your views on this. I am still not convinced though and that's why I'm still posting on here to see if there are any more opinions? Don't expect anybody to agree with me, just interested which view is the majority view really.

I don't know if a doll crashing down the stairs at full speed is normal play?

And no she didn't do it deliberately, but she didn't heed her sister's warnings either.

so glad i dont have stairs, but would expect a toy to be able to take a fall without it breaking.

i would ask dd2 to say sorry, and for dd1 to accept that. i wouldnt punish for what is an accident.

Totally agree with soapbox. Dd2 didn't do it intentionally. You being angry and her sister being upset is enough at 5yo. Dd1 should be told to keep it out of dd2 way. If dd2 is around when dd1 playing with it then she needs to be supervised. I have had this a lot over the years and the older child has to learn to be aware of the younger child not valuing the older child's toys/lego buildings/art works/whatever as much as the older child does and if they don't want it ruined they have to take care of it. The younger child will learn if reminded to take care of other people's things as well as their own. But accidents happen.

That would mean in effect though that dd1 could never play with it, as there isn't a time really when she's at home without her sister being there. And when dd2 sees her playing with it she wants to have a go, so not letting her would seriously spoil the fun as well.

emkana - I may be out of line here, but do you think dd2 did it deliberately? Does she constantly break dd1's stuff, or is it anything?
That aside, accident or not, I would be a little bit cross with her. She had a clear warning and disregarded it.

Don't know whether the doll is fit for purpose - presumably made a bit different to a normal Barbie doll, more brittle plastic?

So, I would be cross with dd2, but not overly so, given her age. I would see if I could get a replacement doll for dd1 at the shop's/manufacturer's expense/house insurance.
If not, I would buy dd1 another one and tell dd2 she wasn't allowed to play with it.

I would also make it clear to both girls that dd1 is allowed to remove any of her toys from dd2 if she thinks they're going to be damaged, until dd2 learns to be more careful.

I have 2 DDs. One is 4 and 1 is 17 months. The older one has a few select toys that she doesnt like Dd2 to play with as she knows they may get damaged. So she plays with them in another room, or when DD2 is napping, or if DD2 is playing with me.

DD2 knows even at this young age that there are some toys she cant play with. If she starts touching them then DD1 comes and tells me and I stop the play. It seems to work quite well.

DD2 listens if I tell her no, but less so if DD1 says so. I dont think you can punish DD2 for not listening to her sisters warnings really. I think punishment A and B were suitable but I'm not sure about C.

I think you need a new rule where you are involved in the warning process and therefore you can explain what the consequence is if she continues.

I would also find it very difficult not to be angry in that situation.

She didn't do it deliberately, but it was still her fault that it broke. That would make me cross. It's very hard to teach children to respect things.

I wouldn't punish her specifically, but I would be very careful about letting her play with anything that belongs to her sister, and I would make sure she knows why.

I've not found it hard to teach my children to respect things. You talk to them about it. Trying to think what else we do but I wouldn't say it's difficult to teach them to be as careful as they can be with things.

ok, I'll be more specific: it's very hard to teach my dd1 to respect things! She's naturally very rough, and even though she knows she has to look after things, things just break easily in her hands.

Agree with Soapbox and think that you were a bit rude to her also, she's only trying to help.

Em - I would have got angry with dd2. In an ideal world prefect parent way it shouldn't have happened but in a dealing with multiple children and needing to do housework dd2 should do what she is told.

Em - I would have been cross and told the child who broke the toy off. But I wouldn't go overboard and treat them as malevolent or deliberately destructive (unless they were).

I'd also remind the owner of the toy that x is only little, clearly isn't capable of being as careful as you would like, so best to keep any precious toys out of her hands.

I wouldn't tell her off - the toy shouldn't break. I'm not sure that punishing her is the way to go either - surely she will just resent dd1 for getting her in trouble and it will not teach her what she needs to learn - be careful with other people's things or they could break and make them unhappy.

I think I would treat it as an accident, but get dd2 to realise that it has upset dd1 a lot. Then ask what can she do to make dd1 feel better - ie buy her some sweets out of her own pocket money.

That way they are both still friends and dd2 learns that the consequence of being careless is making her sister unhappy - not being shouted at by mum and not having leggings.

My two are 5 and 18 months so I'm still trying to learn about all these things - I'm not sure it's the right thing to do, but it's the way I'd do it.

It's not the breaking that's important to focus on - it's how it has made her sister feel IMO.

the toy shouldn't break? every toy will break at some point. I don't think it's reasonable to expect all dolls to survive being crashed down the stairs t full speed. (of course many toys would survive that.)

Hard one . We've had something similar re Nintendo ds. dd has damaged ds' by jabbing it with the stylus in frustration - we've done a) and b)

agree belgo, it's not possible to make elctronic toyus like this one appears to be, and yet still have them capable of being hurled at high speeds of great heights and remaining playable with.

I agree 'hurling' toys will break them. What I meant was that this is not an obviously breakable toy. It's made of plastic, not glass. It looks like a barbie doll - which will survive a trip down the stairs. If you make a toy with wheels on fgs, it is going to get some physical attention and should be at least a little bit robust.

Different if it was a playstation or ds that had been sent down the stairs.

I would have been mildly cross with dd2 and apologetic to dd1, I would have asked dd2 to apologise to dd1. Do they share a room? If not then I would say that dd2 musn't take toys out of her sisters room.

How did DD2 react to how upset DD1 was?

dd2 is usually very blase about dd1 being upset.

soapbox, if you feel that I was being rude then I apologize, I certainly didn't mean to be.

bamboostalks, I have made it clear in all my posts how much I respect soapbox's views. I don't understand where I have been rude IYO.