Is this normal for 3.5 year olds diet or is she picky?

[TruffleMonkey]

She's my only one so I've nothing to compare her to, but we've taken the approach of just introducing her to what we eat & not making separate meals, but what she will actually eat has become pretty limited in the last 6-12 months.

Vegetable wise she will eat broccoli, peas, carrots and potatoes. Everything else is 'yucky' apparently! She eats berries, apples and bananas but no other fruit. She won't eat oranges or pear anymore which she used to love.

She loves pasta, but only with cheese or pesto. I couldn't make a pasta dish with any meat or vegetables in it because she would refuse to eat it. Only exception is lasagne.

She won't eat any meat unless its processed like chicken nuggets or sausages which we try not to have too much. Curries, stir frys, risottos etc are an absolute no as she likes to have things separate on her plate. She eat fish anymore (she used to love it inclusing salmon and prawns);She might nibble at a bread product like a pitta or wrap but won't eat much of it and definitely no butter or spread.

Of course she loves crisps, chocolate and biscuits but actual meal wise I feel like we are really limited.

Is this normal for her age??

I’m not limiting her socialising at all. I’m simply not hosting 4 year olds at a mealtime in my home when they don’t eat anything, refuse to sit at the table and it’s a bad example for my child.
I don’t allow behaviour from friends in my home that I wouldn’t accept from my own children. If your parenting is so fragile that that bothers you then that’s on you.

In what way? Preschoolers are very young and just as I wouldn’t host a child who always hits and bites more will I host a child who refuses to sit at the table and will only eat a cracker while running around at dinner time.
Those can do what they want with their own children in their house, as can I.

I was thinking that your parenting must be fragile if you have no faith in your ability to tell your child to ignore the other child’s eating habits.
My 3 kids have had friends with all sorts of habits I wouldn’t like mine copying, but in 12 years that has never been an issue as my children know what is acceptable in our house and what isn’t.

They go in fits and starts. School, nursery, parties and playdates sometimes see them eat more variety.

DD is like that too and she's 8 now.

Try having meals where part of her plate is a sure fire 'safe' food and some is unfamiliar. Loads of praise for trying or even touching the new food.

You can work around, eg we do stir fry and as I chop veg I put them raw in separate piles on DD plate, give her noodles without the sauce etc.

I was super fussy as a kid, it's an emotional thing about control and autonomy, I don't think you can punish/cajole/manoeuvre your way out of it, just do your best and have a vitamin gummy for her too.

It's even harder when you have two kids who are fussy in different ways!

When my son gets picky about veggies, I ask him to eat one piece. I do this every meal as we need to taste something several times to become accustomed to it (or something like that). I’ve got him eating avocado now!

I don't understand what this comment about fragile parenting relates to?

Just to be clear I said 'social development' not 'socialising' - they are different things.

I wish you all the best.

Hi @TruffleMonkey
someone gave me the following advice and it really helped me…

1. Dont make a big deal out of meal times and get anxious… serve the food and make sure there’s food on the plate she likes and add a small amount of something new .. often you have to serve it many times before it’s accepted.
2. As often as you can, all sit down together and eat the same meal… and chat with your child and make it fun. This is the best thing for leading by example and making them feel grown up.
3. Ask her to help you prepare, cut up small veggies, help you stir, explain what the food is and play with it - often kids will eat what they’ve helped prepare.
4. try not to offer too many snacks between meals so they’re looking forward to the food.
5. I had a rule where my DC could leave whatever they wanted but they had to try one spoon first and then they could leave if they hated it.
6. Keep an eye that you are covering most of the food groups in a week and just keep persistently adding in a new small piece of something with no fuss ever so often to expand the group… food will come and go as they push boundaries and develop their tastes.

usually it works out ok for most kids x good luck!

Oh wow. Great attitude. See another kid struggling with something/doing stuff in a different way?? Well why bother teaching kids that everyone is different and just because some kids only like certain things doesn't mean they have to mimic it, just let people be, when they can just exclude those who are different. Lovely.

Thank you so much for all the helpful advice!

For some context we eat a wide range of meals (we rarely go for processed stuff like nuggets but she eats them at grandparents/when out) and serve it family style so she can help herself. This has helped a little. She usually has a yoghurt for pudding but we put it out at the same time so it's not a 'treat' (advice I read on here). She does like cheese and sweetcorn, hates cucumber and has a cup of milk in the morning and before bed. She loves milk and would have it all the time if allowed but I'm keen she has lots of different things and doesn't just fill up on milk.

This week for example we've had salmon with potatoes, green beans, broccoli, courgette and carrots. She ate loads of carrots, broccoli and potatoes and wouldn't touch the rest so that was it. I don't give her anything else (other than the yoghurt).

She does love being involved in the cooking but unfortunately it doesn't translate into eating the food after!