Extremely bright, extremely difficult child.

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I want to know what your extremely bright, ADHD or AuDHD child was like? Particularly round the age some behaviours stop being ‘normal’, so age 5, 6, 7 I suppose.

Really want to hear examples as opposed to a whole big story from us, but my 5 year old is both very bright and very, very difficult. His maths skills are off the chart, reading is effortless, his verbal skills and reasoning are adult like. He has a near perfect memory.

He is also explosive, impulsive, hyperactive, selfish, obsessed with winning and in need of constant, constant attention. We are quite broken by his behaviour at home. We’ve done some parenting courses which, while useful for us, haven’t done anything to change his behaviour.

School get a toned version from him on both fronts. They are aware he is bright but not the full extent. They get some silliness, difficulty with sharing and some emotionality but not to the extent we do. They were a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️ when we mentioned neurodiversity.

Does anyone recognise this? Thanks.

You’ll need to recall a lot of information about what he was like as a baby and a toddler for the assessment.
Ignore the teachers - sounds like he is masking at school. They need to observe him more closely.

Good luck, I really hope you get some answers and strategies. My older DC has autism and developmental coordination disorder (dyspraxia). His paediatrician is convinced he also has ADHD but he doesn’t show sufficient signs in school for it to be diagnosed as, for ADHD, the behaviours have to be present in more than one setting. We had a private ASD/ADHD assessment around a year ago.

I have to say, a lot of what you write about your DS rings true for me - we found age 4-7 to be very difficult indeed. Year 1 was a shocker. Have you had any conversations with the SENCO?

How did you find the OT assessment? Ours was beyond helpful in terms of confirming what I knew about DC’s motor skills but also identifying issues and sensitivities I didn’t realise he had.

You could have been describing me as a child, minus the hyperactivity (girls often present a bit differently), and I have recently been diagnosed with both autism and ADHD. My dd is very similar but is quite young still.

Hi all. Thanks for the concern.

The OT assessment highlighted he had multiple sensory issues, both sensory seeking and sensory avoidance. Also confirmed highly likely to be dyspraxic (diagnosis needs to be formally issued by a doctor). He was extremely low on gross motor development and low average on fine motor. He has a lot of retained primitive reflexes, which seem a bit unproven but interesting none the less. He lost interest during the assessment and started being silly and hyper to avoid demands, but she did really well assessing him.

School are seeing more as term goes on and tiredness builds. He can be very emotional there and gets wound up quite easily. We were never pulled aside at the beginning but we are hearing ‘tricky day’ more and more now. They are doing some extra motor stuff with him off the back of the OT assessment. Apparently still not at level of EHCP or anything like that yet.

With more and more reading I am convinced he will be diagnosed with autism plus PDA. He is very hyper at home but I suspect we won’t get an ADHD diagnosis as he isn’t particularly hyper at school (at the moment).

Will update when we’ve had the formal autism assessment which is end of May.

Yes. Absolutely recognise this, except that he was extremely well-behaved at school so they thought i was making it up about his behaviour at home. And they didn't realise how bright he was as he was quiet.

Hard work. He's 20 now and still hard work.

The issues at home were compounded by the fact that his younger brother suffered so much with it and that made me so angry. I think if he'd been an only child it might have been easier. I tried too hard to make him fit in with what I thought family life should be and it nearly broke us all.

Hi. My daughter has PDA. She was diagnosed aged 7 and is now 25 so I have a lot of experience!

First thing I wanted to say is that you can have the demand avoidance without full blown PDA, which is the autism diagnosis.

No one ever believed by daughter was on the autistic spectrum - teachers would tell me they didn't see it, even as I was pointing to the CAMHS official diagnosis report!

The thing about PDA is that it is known as the social autism. It is often the autism where you keep looking at the list of autistic traits and thinking it can't be that because of the eye contact, sociability etc.

In fact, my daughter was way too sociable. It was utterly over the top and often inappropriate- she would chat to a teacher like she was her friend, she was incredibly bossy. She was in fact role playing, which is a common PDA trait - none of it was authentic but it fooled lots of adults into thinking she was advanced socially.

She wasn't academically able but of course some kids with asd are. Some appear to be really able but it is actually just some form of precocious reading and it falls off as the child ages and has to do more creative work.

Anyway, my advice to you is:

Get your son assessed by expert Speech and Language Therapist and Ed psych. Use people who are familiar with PDA. You also need them to be used to tribunals as you may need their reports for an ehc plan. Don't think you don't need Speech and Language - for a child with a PDA type profile it is possibly the most important of all. It is not about how they pronounce words but how they talk and interact.

Read "The Explosive Child" and make your parenting low demand. This doesn't mean they get to do what they want but don't get into unnecessary battles.

Always priorise your son's regulation of his mood - when you first start to see it go, be ready, better still manage his life so he doesn't get there In the first place. Regard his outbursts as panic attacks and you will find it easier to manage them.

Get hold of a book on sensory processing and do activities at home. Find out what calms him - my daughter sucked a dummy til she was 11 (at home) and it was what worked for her when she got in from school.

Don't fret about what other people think or tell you. My daughter never did a single chore here - not worth it. But she lives with her boyfriend and is managing fine because she isn't being asked to do sth.

Accommodate his needs where you can. My daughter hated surprises so we would let her know what presents she was getting. She hated characters in costume so we didn't force her to have her picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disney.

Our daughter did go to school - I never had to home educate - but she was diagnosed early and we got her assessed for an ehc (over her school's wishes I should add). I suggest you contact SOS!SEN for advice re school.

Once you have your private Ed psych, speech and language and OT reports, you can use them to get more support. Gp for a referral for asd or adhd assessment. You could possibly apply for DLA.

Good luck.

This is all amazing advice , we have our speech and language assement on Thursday 2 years down the line for my 9 year old daughter ,she sounds so similar to yours ,I’ve often debated trying to teach her chores or tidying her room and feel like a bad parent for not encouraging this so it’s nice to know shel still be ok when she’s older :)

Hi all.

Got a cancellation spot this week with the private ASD assessors. OT, SALT and a psychologist. They were utterly amazing and really put us all at ease.

Issued with an autism diagnosis with PDA profile on the spot. No diagnostic doubt. They also think he is likely to have an extremely high IQ, but said formal testing would be difficult given how demand avoidant he is. Said come back in a couple of years for ADHD assessment as more borderline and may need some time to see how things play out.

Having a lot of difficulty getting him to school now, but still largely ‘coping’ when he is there. Going to see how transition in September, goes, look at getting an EP assessment and take EHCP application from there.

Thanks all again for the lovely support on this thread x

I’m glad it went well and you have some clarity, at least. It’s probably going to be a bumpy ride, but keep learning and trying things out- you’ll get there!

Thank you. I feel quite numb at the moment. I’m sure the gravity of it all will hit me over the next weeks.

He is exceptionally good at lego (can do 8 and 9+ sets largely unaided) and it seemed to really regulate him over the holiday. I just hope he doesn’t lose interest. He is so intense about his interests then they just suddenly die a death.

Ah, I remember Lego. We loved it. It’s fine. I’d be lying if I said it was easy, but actually once you know what you’re faced with it does get more manageable.
Your frustration moves from the child to all the obstacles in the world, like the people convinced he’ll respond eventually if they just speak louder and repeat themselves interminably!

Take a while to process and gather your energy. And get ready to learn about all sorts of random things that you never knew anyone cares about!