Daughter left out because mums don’t like me

[greyeyedgirl]

My daughter is in year 7. She’s just seen on social media that most of the girls in the year have been to a sleepover together and she’s not been invited. She’s heart broken. I can’t tell her the reason is that when she was in year 3 one of the mums took a dislike to me and has systematically turned many other mums at the school against me with untrue rumours. She is a proper queen bee. So I was excluded from the friendship group of mums which I feel sad about but have other friends. Consequently the girls are always on day trips out in the holidays, play dates, Share after school clubs go on holiday together and are tight. I thought in seniors this would matter less as kids choose their own friends which are not driven by parents friend choices. But it doesn’t seem to be the case it’s awful to see myDD left out because of my friendship dynamics. Any advice ?

The moral of the story is don't gossip! Now that's why your child is missing out not because there is a queen bee.

When I was in primary school I was very good friends with a girl in my class. We had play dates at each others houses and went to each other's parties, etc.

I only discovered when I was a teenager that our mums absolutely hated each other. They'd been at school together themselves and did not get on and had a few scraps, etc.

They ultimately didn't let their dislike of each other get in the way of our friendship.

That's what a decent parent should do.

Similarly, my own SIL has her kids' friends round, even though she's said to me she can't stand the parent - they do a quick, polite, handover at the door.

The queen bee parent OP talks about was obviously the bully when she was at school and is now bullying OPs child by excluding her too.

I'm so sorry OP - hopefully things will improve as your DD spends more time in secondary and can build a wider group of kids to make friends with.

Why is the queen bee the trouble maker when the op was bitching about her family?

They just have an enormous room to sleep 20 girls!

I would get your daughter to invite the remaining 4 to hers for a sleepover.

OP didn't gossip! In fact, she's been ostracised because she didn't gossip!

Where does it say that?!

"when she was in year 3 one of the mums took a dislike to me and has systematically turned many other mums at the school against me with untrue rumours"

"The queen bee took exception as I wouldn’t tell her which of her friends had said something negative about her (didn’t feel it was my place to do so ) and she blew it all out on proportion"

I repeated some trivial gossip to one of the mums and she got really upset. I didn’t really understand why but turns out it was about her and her family. I had no way of knowing whether it was or wasn’t about them. I apologized and she tried to force me to tell me who had said it.). That was on ops post I presume she's edited it.

Strange if that is the case as there's no "edited" note next to any of OPs posts. Unless the first post doesn't note if it's been changed.

Even so, repeating a small piece of gossip once doesn't justify 4 years of exclusion and bullying of OP IMHO.

11 and 12 year olds may not be able to overrule their parents, but they can absolutely tell their friend the reason why they are excluded, and plan to do things that don't involve mass sleepovers.

And surely not every child in this group has a bullying parent? And all the events can't be at bullying parent's house?

oh it didn’t result in this 😒 no way

Why can't you tell her the reason? Much better for her to know that it's because of a stupid adult falling out, than for her to conclude she's just unlikeable.

This is what I'm working with. If something's been edited, it isn't now visible, so I was posting based on what I can see.

i’m confused

what’s been edited and what’s your point?

It's a comment from another poster, she searched the OPs other threads.

OP was gossiping and accidentally gossiped to the person it was about, and then wouldn't tell her where it came from.

Well I don't have time to go searching OPs other posts to see if I can get a different story to the one that's on the thread.

I still don't think a bit of gossip (when, let's face it, the school gates are full of gossip) should result in four years of spreading of untrue rumours about her.

I'm sure no-one else on this thread has ever said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

Honestly, it's like being back at school again myself!

Nobody said you had to go searching for posts. Someone else has already done it.

Yeah this happened to my mum when I was a child..its the downside of small communities. A mum had taken a dislike to her, told other mums that my parents were swingers 😂 that I was a bad influence due to to witnessing it, so all the parents wouldn't allow their children near me incase I poisoned their minds and they completely ghosted and ignored my mum 😂 my parents ended up moving me to a private school in the nearest city (paid for by my nanny) and I had to commute by car then train to school everyday.

This was way back in the 90's. It can happen, just was hoping we were becoming more diverse and inclusive as a society 😂

Sympathy OP
Queen Bees do exist and tend to be mum to little queen bees.
Y7 is such a difficult year; I’d look into moving schools
My DC had a hard time which was even harder as siblings were happy and popular. It hits you hard as a parent.
Hope you find a solution

100 girls in a year I'd say is about average, there were 150 in mine and it was considered big.

33 in my daughters year
two classes
private

are you as rude in real life as you are on here? Or does it being an anonymous forum just give you free reign??

I read a post, I responded based on the OPs posts. I responded to others' posts that said she was gossiping herself and queried where they'd got that idea from as it wasn't in OPs posts.

How was I meant to know someone had stalked OPs other posts/threads to try and get to the bottom of it??