Tell me about your 3-3.5 age gap

[pringlesnap]

I've been reading a trending "I don't like parenting post" and I'm so worried I'm looking into my future when I get to the roughly 1 and 4 year old stages with two DC as I'm finding parenting often overwhelming and draining, despite an incredibly involved DH.

I know there's never a guarantee any siblings will get along, but can others kindly share their experiences of this age gap? How was it when youngest was a newborn? Toddler?

I'm worried they'll be just far apart enough (3 years 3 months) that they won't actually play together or share the same interests... that it will only be worth it for the long term and not the short term. We wanted a second for other reasons besides providing DC1 a sibling, but I've been struggling lately with no family or friends nearby and just want to try and mentally prepare myself....

Appreciate any insights

Anyone...?

I have 2 girls who are 3.5 years apart. They are now 8 and 5 and have played together since very young.

I really wouldn’t worry about it at all”- mine are very close. It also means the older one is slightly
more self sufficient in the tiring newborn days!

The older one was also very good at entertaining the younger one!

I have 3 years and 3 months between eldest two and then another 2.5 years between middle and youngest.
Going from 2 to 3 was the biggest challenge but mainly as my youngest has a lot of medical needs. But on the whole I love the age gaps. They've all got on amazing and the older two have grown up loving and supporting their youngest sibling.
I only read the first few comments on the post you mention. I guess we all handle parenting and stresses differently. Mine are now 15,12 and 10. I'd love to go back to those earlier days when they were much younger. They don't last long and soon they are teenagers and hiding in their room. Make the most of every moment.

There’s almost exactly 3 years between my two which is a bigger gap than I’d have wanted (3 losses in between them) but actually it means DS was in a bed, potty trained, starting nursery, didn’t need a pushchair and was quite independent when DD came along. They play together (and scrap over the same toys) a lot now DS just turned 5 and DD about to turn 2. You might find it works out quite a nice age gap.

Im due a third a couple of months after DD turns 2 and I think that will be a much harder. That extra year can make all the difference.

3 year and 3 month difference here.1yr and 4yr was hard but DD2 was clingy, unknown to me DD1 probably has autism and ADHD and school were piling on the pressure with home school durring lockdown.

Now the youngest is in reception. I’m luckly as they get along well most of the time and play with each other. In they’re in the bath together now DD1 says she wants privacy but after 5 mins she is bored and is inviting DD2 in so they can play.

DD (19) and DS (16) played together until she was about 13/14- her friends made a big fuss of him too, which he loved!

13-16 she was a bit of a ratbag and did the teenage not interested in younger children thing, would tell him to go away, etc. He was somewhat hurt but accepted that she wasn’t interested. Now they’re friends again and will do things together. She even invites him to hang out with her friends sometimes, which is lovely.

She thinks his friends are daft though and keeps away if any of them are around. I think some of them have crushes on her so probably best. 🤣

There's a 3.5 year gap between my two DC and they are currently 1 &4. They are really close and play together most of the time. In fact my 4 year old is always thinking about ways the 1 yo can join in and is often right about things we hadn't thought she would manage yet. Added bonus was 4 yo starting school around when I went back to work so I still get a couple of days a week where I can focus on the youngest on my non working days

@rewardacrosstrack Yes, I think it’s a lovely age gap tbh and my DD was also considerate of DS when he was small.

It was only the mid-teens that were tricky- but then, your whole family is embarrassing when you’re 14. 😂

So I am way over the other end of this. I have a 3 year gap and mine are 21 and 18. They are the best of friends, have their own handshake that they came up with in lower primary, still game together even when Ds1 was away at uni and still now with Ds1 home working and Ds2 away at uni.

I liked the gap because as above Ds1 was out of his cot before Ds2 came, only one pram and one in nappies. There was enough school years between them that there was little comparison in academic ability unlike some of my friends who have only 1 or 2 school years between children. Hand me down clothes worked too but you need storage space to stash them for a bit.

I think possibly the only negative was that Ds2 grew up a bit quicker to join in with his brother. We had a few sticky moments with computer games and ages but tried hard to make it as fair as possible.

Just over 3 yeats difference between my DD's. Just luck but it has worked out very well. DD1 was at nursery and was able to do some basic self care for herself. DD2 was fascinated by her from the start and they were devoted to each other when they were together at home. They have both grown up and moved away but are still close.

3 years between mine. Developmentally they have always been close enough to play together at every stage, obviously the older would take the lead in assigning "roles"'in the play for the earlier years. Now teenagers and they are so close, similar interests, often in each others rooms chatting. They do also fall out, and it doesn't necessarily follow that siblings of any gap will get on (many twins don't) But that age gap is certainly no barrier to it.

It worked well in terms of dividing attention (older was having half days at pre school when I was on Mat leave) and also financially as we never had two sets of nursery fees. Will be the same with uni, one will finish as the other goes off. It's a great age gap.

Thank you so much everyone for helping me with my wobble <3

3.5 year age gap here, boy and girl. Obviously you only know what you know but I think it’s pretty great. Only one in nappies at a time, no need for a double buggy, eldest is a little more independent and can play by themselves, doesn’t try and kill themselves whilst you tend to baby. Mine are 4 and 7 now and play together really well actually. They spent an entire hour today creating a lego village with zero input from me and not a single squabble!

It's a good age gap. Oldest is old enough to be gentle and can be your ally, but they are close enough to have fun together if you are supervising a planned activity. There's no chance of the youngest being a legitimate threat and you'll have chunks of time with youngest alone- is just a good age gap.

I think it's the best age gap. The older one is old enough to help a bit and you don't get the same intense competition.

ive 3 years 3months between mine

girl and boy - little boy is 7 months now

they get on well - he’s mad about her and lights up when she comes in the room

they love their baths together and will play together

it does need to be very supervised as she sometimes gives him a shove

and sometimes she loses it if he’s crying or loud and she shouts to get him out of here cus he’s annoying her !

she is dying for him to be bigger so they can play properly and be friends she says

I think it’s a great age gap

3.5 between mine (not planned but covid hit and we stopped trying for a bit!) I’ve now very grateful because I’ve found it to be the perfect age gap. Eldest is old enough to be your helper and want to ‘teach’ their sibling how to do things. They were independent enough when my youngest was a newborn that they could play while I was feeding etc. It doesn’t feel competitive. They now play together beautifully.

Mine are a little over 3.5 gap (just turned 8 & 4) but they are brilliant. Older DS really looks after his little sister. She can proper boss him about but he takes it on the chin. Everyone's allowed a wobble, don't worry 😊

My kids are 3.5 years apart and it's been great. My daughter was out of nappies before my son was born and could do little things for herself. There's been tricky times of course but they played together from quite early on and still do now (12/8.5)

3 years between mine. Currently 1 and 4.

I’m finding this stage really hard, there is no two ways about it. Much harder than baby and 3 year old. It’s been 1.5 years of parenting 2, I’m tired and there is still very little pay back. The youngest is still not quite able to properly ‘play’ (he’s still very much into opening cupboards and doors, climbing things etc). The eldest has all the tiredness and upheaval of starting school and comes home to a marauding toddler who has just woken from his nap and is buzzing, when all the eldest wants to do is decompress.

But, despite all of that, to give you hope, I still wouldn’t change it. I know we are on the cusp of payback over the next 1-2 years. I know we will have the benefits to come. It’s survival at the moment but I can already see it won’t be like this forever. They are both great individual people and we are starting to see sparks of how great they will be together when youngest becomes a bit more cognitive!

Good luck x

3 year 9 months between my sister and I and we played to together loads as children although were less close as teenagers but also less competitive. I'll have the same gap between my children as due in April. Neither gap planned and both for fertility issues but there is lots of evidence that 3-4 years is the most natural gap if we still extended breastfed and had a hunter gatherer diet. It also makes loads of sense from a practical point of view!

DS is 2yr11mo older than DD. They have adored each other from the start. Even now approaching the tween years, there is of course the inevitable bickering at times, but they still hug each other tightly each day and make sure they tell each other they love them at bedtime. They played together very happily, and have only in the last year or two started spending more time apart (they shared a room until about a year ago).

That's the exact gap between mine and it worked out great. My older one is nearly 10 now.

Mine are boy and girl and didn't seem to argue as much as much as friends who had siblings closer together in age, but they are really close and have a lot of love for each other.

There have been a few times where the age gap has been more obvious but we've generally managed really well with lots of family days out and I have no regrets and would do exactly the same again!

They do play together sometimes, but are equally happy doing their own thing. We have always spent a lot of time in the park where there are lots of kids for them to play with.

Mine are 3yr 8m apart and they bicker a lot! It was fine until my youngest was around 2 now my eldest gets irritated by the youngest a lot and they just bicker constantly. They have moments when they're overly silly and kind to each other but it's usually short lived, when they play nice it's so lovely to watch So I'm really hoping things improve as they get older.