Tell me about your 3-3.5 age gap

[pringlesnap]

I've been reading a trending "I don't like parenting post" and I'm so worried I'm looking into my future when I get to the roughly 1 and 4 year old stages with two DC as I'm finding parenting often overwhelming and draining, despite an incredibly involved DH.

I know there's never a guarantee any siblings will get along, but can others kindly share their experiences of this age gap? How was it when youngest was a newborn? Toddler?

I'm worried they'll be just far apart enough (3 years 3 months) that they won't actually play together or share the same interests... that it will only be worth it for the long term and not the short term. We wanted a second for other reasons besides providing DC1 a sibling, but I've been struggling lately with no family or friends nearby and just want to try and mentally prepare myself....

Appreciate any insights

Whether they get on is mostly driven by personality anyway.

From a practicality point of view, I found 3ish years pretty decent as they're close enough to play but far enough apart that your body can physically recover from pregnancy before doing it all again. Having a 3 year old and a newborn was an absolute nightmare for me but I think that was mostly personality as my second was fine at 3. They're great now they're a bit older.

Same gap as you and it's been great so far (oldest now 8). In the first 1-3 years it was more the big one entertaining the little one but they do play together now lots. I'd say it's a nice gap because they're still fairly close in age, but far apart enough to not be in direct competition/have very different friends etc

We have a 3.5 yr age gap. DCs are 6 and 3 now and I'm happy with how they play together. I'd say they've been able to play properly for the past 6m or so, before that it was DD1 trying to shoehorn DD2 into her games and DD2 not really getting it. But her understanding has come on amazingly recently.

As parents DH and I do often choose to divide and conquer - we do separate bedtimes, read different stories to each of them and often have one adult playing with each child in playgrounds or soft play, rather than the dcs playing together. We're happy to fully interact with the dcs so that works for us, but it would be harder with just one parent looking after both dcs. When DCs were 1 and 4, DD1 was in reception and did after school clubs most days, so I had a lot of focused time on DD2, and DH was very involved after school and at weekends, and we split our time with each child most of the time. They definitely didn't play together and both of them needed a lot of attention. I would have found it difficult if he worked long hours or had to work away.

The age gap suited me because DD1 was in nursery every day when DD2 was born (she started reception when DD2 was 6m old), so I got to focus completely on feeding, was able to do all the baby classes and groups all over again and have lots of one to one attention in the early years. It felt a lot easier than parents who had a smaller gap.

My two are 3 yrs and 5 months apart.

The first 6 months were very hard, with my eldest son rejecting me, he found it very hard to adapt to sharing me. He showed very little interest in his brother and his behaviour deteriorated both at home and at pre-school. It was a very difficult period.

However, when the baby was about 6-7 months old and more able to interact my first son started showing real interest in him, and wanted to look after him and care for him and their relationship really started to develop.

They are 7 and 10 now and they absolutely adore each other. They love each other so much and are always saying they are each other’s best friend. They hate being apart and they just want to spend all their time together. I can’t even explain how amazing their relationship is. They even give each other a kiss and a cuddle at the school gate before they part ways to go to their individual classrooms. Despite the eldest ones initial resentment when I had another baby, he cares very much for his little brother and always has to know he’s okay and that he’s happy. Me and DH are very lucky that they have such a loving relationship.

I think it definitely helps they are both the same sex though as they have the same interests, they do the same activities, they like the same films, toys, games etc. They just spend all their time together playing.

I’m aware that as my eldest gets older the dynamic of the relationship may change, but for now I’m just so grateful that they have such a special bond.

My 2 girls are 3y 4m apart. 3-4 years is the best age gap imho.

I didn't want to have two in nappies or a double buggy. So managed to avoid that!

Mine are just over 3 years apart (but 4 school years). DS is now 10 and DD 7. I think it's a great age gap - they're close enough in ages to play together but also far enough apart that they aren't living in each others pockets and have their own interests. DD looks up to DS a lot. DS sometimes find her annoying, especially if he has friends round, but equally enjoys her company. For example they both really got into the Netflix show This Is Cake over Christmas and were binge watching it together.

Agree. I think it’s the best age gap too. Just in the middle of too close or too far apart. Mine got on well from the start, however now 5 and 8 they are arguing more but they also make up for it with all the laughter they share! Was amazing when my youngest was a baby as my eldest really took on the ‘big kid’ role.

3.5 is not far apart, neither is 4 years. 5 years and up is good because they aren't competing in the same way and the baby isn't a blocker on effective parenting of a toddler/still a baby.

Some parents can pull off small gaps but generally bigger ones work better

I'm at the other end of parenting as mine are 23 and 19 and boy / girl. They didn't really play together much but that might just be the boy / girl difference. One big positive about the gap has been only having one at university at a time. Friends with two ( or more!) at university at the same time are being financially pushed trying to top up minimum loans for both.

I have 3.5 years between my two and honestly it's fine! They play really well together and the younger one is far more advanced than his older brother was at the same age as he's playing with older age toys etc and just seems to pick things up more quickly.

It helped me to feel like I didn't have 2 babies simultaneously, the older was potty trained so only one in nappies at the one time etc.

I have 3.5 years age gap, 2 girls.
They are 10 and 13 now and actually do get on well (most of the time).
A newborn and 3 year old was nice because the older one was a bit more independent and was in nursery class every morning so I got 1:1 time with the baby every day.
We also never had to pay 2 lots of nursery fees.
The hardest stage was probably toddler and 5 year old because they didn't play together as well and the younger one took up more of our attention.
Once the younger one was around 3.5 they started getting along quite well.
The other trickier bit was when the eldest was 11/12 and didn't want to play as much and the younger one was just annoying to her.
I think there are good and bad points on all age gaps so nothing is perfect! Don't stress about it too much.