When was the first time you left your baby with your OH?

[Uncooperativefingers]

Apart from quick trips to the shops (mostly under an hour and one 1.5 he trip), I've never been away from my baby.

I'm FTM with a 12 week old. Until now baby has never had a bottle, always fed on the boob. Last night we gave a bottle of breast milk to see what would happen, and to my surprise he took to it easily. I'm now thinking of making this a semi-regular thing, particularly so I can return to an exercise class I used to do pre-pregnancy. (I'd be out of the house alone for 3 hours). But then I get mum-guilt and wonder whether he's still too young?

How old were your LO's when you left them with a husband/partner for the first time?

The day after he was born with my first, I went to the shop.
With my twins, it was about a week and I took my first out for a few hours.

Left them with others from 2 weeks and they had sleepovers from 6 weeks, I then went back to work at 12 weeks.

I've never found it particularly difficult to leave them, especially with my own DH.

Why?

My DS was EBF, he was about 5 months when I left him for around an hour with his dad. I think my husband was more nervous about it than I was, purely because of baby being EBF, and worried that he wouldn’t be able to meet his needs if he wanted a feed. But an hour is no time really, and I think it was good for him to see that he could manage it. And then he was about 7 months when I left him for about 4 or 5 hours. At 7 months he was weaning, I did express some milk for him but he never took to drinking milk from a bottle, so it was a waste of time and energy and I probably won’t bother with the next one, as long as they’re old enough to eat food and drink water for a few hours.
Do what feels right to you, OP, if yours is happy taking a bottle, then go for it!

Not for want of trying! Exh did zero parenting - despite me working more hours - he wouldn't even do a school run. I left him when they were 3&5, he didn't bother for two years, then took me to court for 100% residency.

He had 50:50 court ordered contact for three years of the court case, then stopped seeing DD the day it ended and stopped seeing DS when covid hit. He occasionally picks DS up for a Saturday afternoon now.

After a couple of weeks so I could go to choir.

He's a grown up!

I don't know exactly how old they were when I left them to go to the shops or walk the dog but When eldest was about 5 weeks I went back to the gym so she was with her dad for a couple of hours 4 times a week. Probably about the same with our youngest. When youngest was 5 months I went away for work for 6 days.

I EBF and was anxious with my firstborn so he didn't really leave my side for more than a few minutes for months. Only when I had covid DP (can't remember if we were together at time or not) walked him down to relatives and I think i lay awake worrying.

With 2nd i ebf was more relaxed but had no help as partner was working, so he was never away from me.

With 3rd il probably try and do what you have done bf with occasional bottle.

I agree America is barbaric and not a standard to aspire to.

Edit: partner was working away not just working!

I'd definitely been to the cinema by the time he was about 8 weeks old, so that would have been circa 3 hours out of the house. I went to my work summer dinner around the same time too, probably 4-5 hours out of the house.

We're lucky that our little boy took to an expressed bottle and has always alternated happily between bottle and boob, so I've never given a second thought to leaving him with DH, although I'm reluctant to leave him with anyone else still at 7 months, and we've only done it once.

Thanks everyone. It seems there's a range of experiences so I don't feel daft for asking the q anymore.

Think I'll try a class next week. Feed before I go and leave some expressed milk just in case for DH.

I've also been trying to work out why I felt I needed reassurance. Partly because it's a pretty recent development I hadn't considered having the freedom yet when ebf. But also, I think I'm worrying that DH won't be able to calm baby if required (sometimes he works himself into such a frenzy only I will do a d it's not because DH hasn't tried). Any tips for dad's calming babies when they just want their mum?!

Let him find his own way. What you might do to help, might not help when he does it.

Nip out often and let him and baby get used to you not always being there and it will come.

The baby’s dad is an equal parent and needs time to be bonding , does the dad think he is “leaving” the baby everytime he goes to work ?
I had 2 months mat leave sadly so 8 weeks for me 🥲

My BF baby wouldn't go very long at all without feeds, so I didn't want to leave her as she fed a lot. I did pop out with the dog to spend time with him, but he was 16 so his walks were very short 15 mins round the block
I didn't have anywhere I wanted to go that baby couldn't come though, then she was 8 months and I started doing kit days of 4 hours so it wasn't too long away but everyone is different

I think 1-2 weeks. You are not leaving the baby, DH is also the equally responsible parent.

Leaving them for a prolonged period of time you mean? As opposed to leaving them for 10 minutes whilst you pop to the corner shop?

I first left my baby with DH when the baby was about 9-10 months old and he could go without a breastfeed for 3-4 hours.

I left for an hour when dd was 9 months old. I didn’t go very far away, just to the closest restaurant and ate without a baby touching me for the first time since she was born.

very high needs baby who was extremely reluctant to take a bottle and that we later learned had ASD which explained the screaming every time she wasn’t touching me.

i don’t live somewhere that I could leave for 10 minutes and get anywhere so that never happened. Well, that is the walk to my mailbox and back.

At 3 days old.

About 4 months old. Left baby for 1.5 hours with DH and he screamed the whole time. He was ebf and never took a bottle. Didn’t really try again until 7-8 months and it got easier

Around 4/5 months when they start taking baby food and aren't 100% reliant on boob. I never expressed except for a few weeks with no 2 because he was under weight and I hated cleaning bottles constantly. Do what's right for you... he'll find his own way of calming the baby down. They will probably be much calmer when you aren't around as when you are there they always want to be near you.

About 2-3 weeks when I went to get my hair done.

She is EBF. She can’t just go away for the weekend.

I think breastfeeding makes a big difference to how sooner/often/long you can leave them. Mine never took a bottle despite me trying and spending a fortune on various bottles! So I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving her other longer than a few hours max at that age. It’s not as simple as some are saying, if they are EBF - sometimes all that will calm them down or comfort them is their mum’s milk at that age and it’s just distressing for all involved if the baby’s mum is away for hours and hours/a day.

I had hair down to my arse. My first time away from baby was when I had my hair cut to shoulders at about 5 weeks old 🤣. Was 30 min and he was walking baby round the block in the pram.

I actually left baby with my in laws, parents and nursery before left for longer with DH. Baby was pretty much exactly a year old before was left for a day with DH. Would have been fine much earlier, day with in laws was at 7 months and started nursery at 8/9 months. Just never had a reason to leave baby that didn't involve DH before then!

First week I think. He used to take her on a walk every morning to give me a break. I did breast feed.

Yes, the latter. I pop out for half an hour or so to the shops, for a walk etc all the time.

I'm talking about 3hrs out of the house, the sort of timescale that baby might need to feed in

Yes, I think he does consider it "leaving".

Plus, I genuinely think it's different for women, especially when breastfeeding. Men don't have to deal with the hormones that really govern my moods atm