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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I silly to feel insulted and upset? Opinions please...

39 replies

velveteen · 03/05/2008 15:13

I mentioned to a friend earlier that I couldn't wait to meet her new nephew. My friend sort of did a half laugh and said, 'well X (mother of said new baby) is a bit unsure of you visiting. She's got a name for you - she calls you Earth Mother.'
My friend then went on to explain that because I had a did a hypno birth course when pregnant, had a home birth, still breast feed 12 month old DD, use reusable nappies etc, I am therefore an undesirable person to visit her new baby.

I feel quite upset. I do what I want to regarding bringing up my baby, but I have NEVER enforced views on anybody else. The exact opposite in fact as I find myself defending things I don't even agree with at all, in case I am deemed 'preachy' or 'smug'. (A bit wet I know!)

Sorry if this seems a bit silly, but I am just cross.

Rant over.

OP posts:

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suzywong · 03/05/2008 15:15

feck 'em
horrid narrow-minded bitchy people

harsh but fair, that's me

SNoraWotzThat · 03/05/2008 15:16

I think your friend was very thoughtless and you have a right to feel let down by her.

policywonk · 03/05/2008 15:17

Your friend's sister/SIL sounds like a silly cow, but I also think that your friend was a bit tactless to tell you. Did you show her that you felt insulted? Sounds as though her mouth ran away with her.

Also, it's possible that the remark has been misreported or taken out of context - did your friend specifically say that your presence was considered 'undesirable'?

I'd be upset and insulted too, but I reckon you'd be best off trying to laugh it off and put it out of your mind.

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ShowOfHands · 03/05/2008 15:18

I think you sound lovely .

They're mocking what they don't understand.

Y'see when you say 'homebirth' they hear 'giving birth unassisted next to a trickling river at midnight whilst adorned with chicken feathers and chanting 'ommmmm''. Because they're stupid.

Mum2b2BabyRoo · 03/05/2008 15:22

You are exactly the type of person I WOULD want around! You sound lovely!

Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 15:23

Thanks. I'm suprised my friend told me too actually. Yes - I did show her I was hurt. Well I was going to get her a present for her new baby but that wont be happening now. Or maybe I should give her some disposable nappies or something with a preachy card attached extolling the virtues of breastfeeding. I'm starting to come over all Earth Mothery at the thought!

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Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 15:24

Aw - just read last few posts. I am feeling happy again. Thank you.

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beaniesteve · 03/05/2008 15:24

Perhaps they feel like you preach a bit about what is the right thing to do? Not that you do, you say you don't impose your views on other people but perhaps they are worried about being inadequate for not chosing to do things like you have?

DaisySteiner · 03/05/2008 15:25

I think this says more about your friend and and her sister/brother than it does about you. They sound pretty narrow-minded and insecure, you sound great

Janni · 03/05/2008 15:28

your friend should not have said this to you, it was thoughtless and hurtful. You're doing just fine!

bearmama · 03/05/2008 15:28

Turn up in a kaftan and beads and a casserole dish and tell her you've come to share your placenta "to bless the child"

Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 15:28

Beaniesteve - I don't preach at all. I obviously DO the 'earth mothery' things, and are seen doing them - i.e breast feeding, changing reusable nappies, but I don't accompany these activities with lectures.I just get on with them the same as anyone else. Do you have to pretend NOT to do things to be accepted?

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Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 15:30

Am in hysterics bearmama! I am now seriously considering this! Brilliant! Is my casserole made with freshly expressed breast milk. Only the finest?

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NappiesGalore · 03/05/2008 15:31

sounds like she feels defensive and insecure and fears that you may look down on her for not doing everything 'earth mothery'
which, frankly, is her issue.

and youve come to just the right place to get lots of supportive messages, im sure youll be feeling better in no time

beaniesteve · 03/05/2008 15:39

it seems that it's her issue not yours. I say play along with it and do what bearmama says

bearmama · 03/05/2008 15:42

Yes velveteen freshly expressed breast milk. And some extra in case she fancies a cup of tea with her casserole.

PinkTulips · 03/05/2008 15:44

she sounds like an insecure freak woman to have said those things and i wouldn't waste too much time on her or worrying about it.

i'd be ten times madder about your friend telling you tbh, i used to have a friend who loved nothing better than telling her 'friends' the horrible things other people had said about them.... needless to say she wasn't my friend for long

Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 15:52

Thanks pinktulips. The more I think about my friend telling me, the crosser I am. I am having one of those 'why didn't I say this to her' moments.

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cat64 · 03/05/2008 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 16:01

You're so right cat64. I am starting to feel very un earth mothery and cross at said 'friend' now! Might need to have this out wih her properly. I think she actually enjoyed telling me! And I was so excited about meeting the baby too.

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mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 03/05/2008 16:07

you sound just lovely.
Clearly the problem is not in your garden but in theirs

FrannyandZooey · 03/05/2008 16:14

I can imagine a situation where the friend and new mother had a laugh along the lines of "oh no you don't want velveteen coming round, imagine when she sees you using disposables, LOL" or whatever
a bit naughty of them but you can see how it could happen, and no harm done

what i can't imagine is your friend being such a bitch as to pass these comments on
she sounds very jealous of you tbh
any real friend would have stuck up for you to the new mother and said "velveteen is not like that, she does her own thing but she won't care what YOU choose to do"
it sounds like your friend was part of the sneering
sorry

Original poster

velveteen · 03/05/2008 16:17

Sadly i think you're right F & Z.

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SNoraWotzThat · 03/05/2008 16:19

I have a old 'friend' who likes to put me down, laugh at my quirks and temperament and thinks she's so funny and that I should see the funny side too. But do you know what, I haven't seen her for ages and I feel so much better.

Saturn74 · 03/05/2008 16:19

It sounds as if they are jealous of you, and that you make them feel inadequate -which is their problem, not yours, as you clearly don't intend for them to feel that way.

Sorry that you are upset about this. Your friend sounds quite disloyal.

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